My Constant Companion

I woke up feeling dizzy, dizzy and frightened. My head was heavy, like I had been drugged, and I felt scared, more than I have ever felt, more scared than the horrors that used to fill up my childhood nightmares. Something was off, but I couldn't place just what.

The dream, assuming it was a dream, was now fuzzy. But the eyes of the man, who had called himself something that began with a J, were very clear, bright and blue. And it all had something to do with Shannon, I think. The man had warned me to stay away from him, but for what reason I couldn't remember.

I scanned my bedroom in the morning light coming through my window and felt a chill sliver down my spine. I pulled the covers over me, shut my eyes, trying to rid myself of the fear that made me feel like a child, and lied there until my alarm went off. The apartment felt strange and foreign, like someone else had been here, I thought that maybe it was because the dream hadn't yet worn off.

But as it turned out, someone, or something had been here.

There was a huge dark gray feather on my kitchen table. Just lying there as if it had been there all along. It was about two feet long, darker at the tip and grew paler as it went further down. I knew right away it was Shannon's, I just knew. I picked it up cautiously, it was extremely soft. I rubbed my fingertips along it and brought it to my face. It smelt faintly of rainwater. I sighed and shut my eyes briefly. It most definitely was his.

Had he left it? Where was he now? Had something happened to him? Or had it been the blue eyed man who left it behind? Taunting me? So he wasn't just in my dream, he was real. What had he done to me? He had done something to my mind, I could feel it.

I threw my arms around myself and suddenly felt like running away. To where I couldn't say. I grabbed a knife and looked all around the apartment. Of course there was no one there now, but I still felt uneasy.

The man was an angel, or a demon, either way he can manipulate minds. He had been in my head, like Shan had done before, only this was different. It was scary. I kept trying to tell myself it was just a dream, but if that were true, where had the feather come from? Speaking of which, I put it in my room, in the drawer on my bedside table, for safe keeping.

I stared around my bedroom once more, feeling cold and distant. If I hadn't had to go to work I wouldn't have left at all, I was so wound up, and afraid. I found myself staring at random people, trying to see if I could tell whether they were human or other, everyone looked like the enemy now.



Ivy kept bugging me about The Black Keys show on Saturday. “You have no choice, you must go.” she said when I objected. We were in the storage room as we closed up that Tuesday evening.

Don't get me wrong, I wanted to go of course, but Micheal was going to be there. I didn't want him getting his hopes up. Plus my mind was on someone else, not that I could tell Ivy about that. She knew something was going on with me, but I told her not a word, and all of her guesses were dead wrong. I felt bad about keeping secrets from my best friend but what else could I do? I didn't know what to say, or how to act. I was going mad.

Plus pieces of the dream kept resurfacing through out the day. It made me feel vulnerable.

“Fine, I'll come, but don't expect me to go all gaga over him. I mean he's alright, but I think we're better suited as friends.” I said.

She gave me one of her you've got to be kidding looks. “You need to get laid.”

“Vee!”

“I'm serious. When was the last time? A year? Longer?”

“I'm not answering that.” Plus I honestly couldn't remember.

“As your BFF, I'm saying you should just get a little and then you can call it quits. I mean he is cute, right?”

“Ivy.” I sighed.

“Come one Neek, it won't kill you.” Yeah but someone else might kill him, I thought. Ivy's eyes widened as if she had just read my thoughts. “There's someone else.”

“No there isn't.” I said too fast. I looked guilty, I knew it.

“O-M-G. Yes there is. That's why you are so against this.”

“I'm against this because you are trying to force something that isn't there.”

“And there's someone else you want to give your cookies to. What's his name?”

“Jesus.” I exclaimed, pronouncing it the Spanish way.

“So he's Hispanic?” she joked.

“God, you're unbelievable. Just drop it.” I said, throwing my hands up. I couldn't think about Shannon, not right now. It hurt.

“I will find out, by god, if it's the last thing I do.” I knew Ivy well enough to know that those words were the truth.

I got home that night, and was disappointed again. No Shannon. The rest of my week was spent a little in fear, a bit delusional, and a lot alone, because he still hadn't returned. Which only made me more worried for his safety. Plus I was pissed, and sad, and a thousand different emotions. Over the next few days those feelings never went away, and I missed him like crazy.

Everyday I came home hoping to see him lounging on my couch or in bed, making some innuendo or sly remark. But I came home instead to emptiness and I hated him a bit for it. He could at least call. Was that too much to ask for?



The forest was in semi-darkness, my feet were bare and led me slowly forward. I was feeling scared, but of what I can't recall, maybe it was the strange look of the sky above me. I also felt tired, and all I wanted to do was sleep. But Shannon was there, looking more beautiful than ever, waiting for me near a very tall tree. It took me a moment to notice what was behind him. His wings. He had gotten them back.

They were magnificent, both about five feet wide, the feathers were a blend of many shades of gray, from pale to dark. There were even a few that were dark enough to be called black.

I ran ahead, the soles of my feet feeling the dirt and leaves and thorns beneath them, all of which seemed unimportant. He embraced me with his arms, his wings ruffled, a lovely smile on his rugged face as I rested my head against his chest. My arms wrapped around him, not daring to let him go, his scent filling me up like a meal. It felt like we had been apart for centuries, perhaps we had.

“Hi, doll.” he whispered into my hair.

The dream was ripped away by the sound of my alarm.

“No.” I moaned upon waking. “No, let me go back.” I felt tears in my eyes. “No.” I repeated. It felt weird suddenly to wake up without him next to me. I shut my eyes to try and reclaim the dream, but it was over. I couldn't get it back.

But it came to me again twice that week, the same as before, except for the last time.

He took me into in his arms, and like before, spoke those two words, “Hi, doll.” then kissed the top of my head.

“I missed you.” I said, dreamily.

“I missed you too.” I began to shiver. He pulled me closer to him.

“You have your wings.” I whispered. He mumbled something I didn't catch, but it didn't seem important. “Is this a dream?” I asked.

“Yes.” I looked up to him, saw the strange light in the sky, a shooting star perhaps, then looked back to him, the light forgotten. “But you'll love it.”

“And why is that?” I asked, a familiar good feeling sweeping over me. Suddenly I was swept of my feet, my legs wrapped around his waist as he lifted me up, and cupped my butt with his hands. His lips were on my neck as
I threw my head back. I reached my hand out and touched his wing, they felt strong. “How did you get them back.?”

He didn't answer, just kept kissing my neck slowly. His feathers were soft and felt good against my skin. He ruffled them, showing off. “Wanna fly?”

“Can we?” I asked excitingly.

He let my feet touch the ground briefly before swooping me up into the air. His arms were wrapped around my waist, tightly, and my stomach dropped as we went about ten feet into the air.

“You okay?” he asked. I nodded, not daring to look down for too long. The sound of his wings flapping were loud in my ears and the wind they made blew my hair all over my face. “Wanna go higher?” he asked smiling.

“Only a little.” I breathed. So we rose another few feet, the branches of the trees within reach.

He kissed my lips and it felt like ecstasy. My arms, which were wrapped around his neck relaxed a fraction. One of his hands moved up my back, as we made our way back down to ground. His wings folded in on themselves until they were no longer visible.

“Wicked.” I murmured, as I touched his back and they were gone. He licked his lovely full lips hungrily. I knew that look well.

His hands went up my dress and before I knew it my back was on the cold dirt floor. Shannon ripped my clothing away in two seconds flat and positioned himself between my legs. A huge smile on his face. “Like old times.” I thought he might have said, but I can't be sure. But his smile faded. “Time to go.” he said, looking first ahead of him, and then back down at me.

I suddenly felt cold, and scared, and a chill slivering down my spine told me something wasn't right. “What do you mean?” my words were slow and clumsy. He lifted me off the ground and pulled my body to his, protectively. I tried to turn around to see whatever it was that he was seeing but couldn't.

Then something sharp hit my back. “I'm sorry.” he whispered. “I just wanted to see you.”

“What did you do?” I breathed. I felt like I was on fire. Maybe I was. Then I screamed a gut retching scream.

He gave me a pained look, my eyes were getting blurry, making his face fade away from me. “It'll be okay. Just close your eyes.”

I woke up screaming, and clutching my pillow, sobbing. Even after I realized it was all a dream, I still felt like I was in pain. It took me a long time to calm my breathing, an even longer time to be able to move my limbs. Then I could have sworn I felt someone touching me. No one was there.

The clock read 5:15. It was Saturday morning and I was staring the day off great. Pull yourself together, the little voice inside of my head said, it was just a dream. Be that as it may, that dream had unnerved me, and quite frankly I didn't know what to make of it.