In my Veins

They say an artists eyes always see everything, all the details, all the emotions behind a person. One glance, and they can figure you out, tear up your insides and display them on the floor. They say to never trust an artist, because we know our way around, we move on so fast, looking for another person to figure out. We crave the puzzles, the hardships, that's the stereotypical way of thinking at least.
I don't consider myself an amazing artist, compared to the other people in my classes I'm pretty average. I'm able to easily follow the teacher's directions, draw with the right side of my brain, add that creative touch, but the thing is...I'm not one of those artists obsessed with perfection. I draw what I draw, I hate putting thought into it.
And so this is my grand high school career, chasing the world of art and culture. Locking myself in the studio along with the other dedicated students, and even staying after school to work on extra things and even find the opportunity for freelance work. What a life huh?
I was one of those really quiet girls in High School, which is probably why no one became more than an acquaintance to me. I chatted when necessary, got decent grades, went to a few parties, but I never stood out. There were those really gorgeous girls with brains, then those other gorgeous girls with no brains, those average girls, those ugly girls, me...not fitting myself in any category. Except quiet, always quiet.
In High School, somewhere between my focus on art and the days I found myself staying late at school I met a boy. His name was Ian Hajime, he was on student counsel at the time, but eventually was elected junior class president and then again in senior year.
Ian was the sort of guy who was nice to everyone, who the teachers loved, and...the girl's admired, including myself. He had a pretty serious girlfriend in the time I knew him, I was nothing more than a chatting buddy. The thing is, from those little chats I realized I'd fallen in love with him. My art slowly started to be inspired by him and that's probably the only reason I was able to get a scholarship to a specialized art college.
Graduation came and went, and Ian and I never saw each other again, well that was until I moved back into town to take a shot at a local college, it'd been two years, I already had an artists degree, but I still wanted to learn more, not exactly about art but other things. So I entered college undecided, made some new friends, and just happened to run into Ian on campus.
He didn't remember me, until I told him my name, we only talked for a short while, but enough for me to know he had yet another girlfriend. Another girl who wasn't me, it was horrible that my feelings had still stayed in place.
We ended up hanging out with the same group of friends, having these get together at the bowling ally, meeting at bars to drink, small college parties, concerts. Before I knew it winter break was there, and we all planned a trip out of town. Ian had broken up with his girlfriend by then. but Miki my new found best friend hinted at the fact he liked this girl in his government class. I'd been slowly getting over the Ian thing, simply by flirting with other guys, and having the occasional fling. It isn't like I still didn't care about him.
One night at the hotel we were staying at, Ian got really drunk and I just happened to run into him in the hallway. I'd helped him up to his room, but he had dragged me inside before I knew it. The kisses came desperately, the alcohol flavored lips kissing my roughly, his hands were over me, and then mine all over him.
I guess I shouldn't have taken advantage of a drunk person, I ended up leaving right after he passed out, I spent the night curled up in my own hotel bed and by the time I saw Ian again nothing was mentioned. I wondered if maybe he would have remembered what happened between us, but if he did I suppose he would have at least apologized. So I finally had sex with the guy I'd been crushing on since High School and he didn't even remember it.
Ian began dating the girl Miki said he was into, and I ended up becoming a bitter person and now a couple months later...here I am stuck at the bowling ally.

"Whoo!" Another riled cheer from the guys team, who are...may I add are beating the girl's by over a hundred points. This is our third game this night, and it seems the party is just getting started. There's eight of us here, a total of four girls and guys each. There's Miki who is my best friend, she's this really tall girl with this long light brown hair that bounces all around when she walks. It's really quite adorable in all honesty. Then there's Mica, this really small and petite girl, she has white hair, that flies all over the place and these almost violet eyes, that give her this whole otherworldly feel. The other girl on our team is Akira, this loud mouthed blonde who has a thing for pony tails and then of course there's me.
On the guy's team is Ita, your typical rich kid, with long black hair and dark eyes that girls would kill for. As well as Takumi, who has this shaggy reddish brown hair and these huge blue eyes, he's also so skinny you'd swear you could break him in half. There's Takumi's older brother Kaine, he has copperish hair that's almost as long as Ita's, he's really strong compared to his brother and generally is the most pervy in the group. Finally there's the obvious Ian, with his short purplish black hair, and pale skin, dark eyes full of...I find my thoughts trailing off to a land better not explored.
"Kimi's up!" Miki shouts and smiles at me snapping me out of my thoughts. I take a quick sip of my soda and go to bowl.
"Don't trip." Kaine jokes and I toss an eye roll in his direction.
I end up only getting four pins the first try, then six the second, I head back to the table with a sigh, and the girls start complaining about how this isn't fair. Akira most of all, who is probably the best bowler on the female team, her competitiveness is actually pretty scary. She told us she used to play all sorts of sports in High School, so much so that she became friends with mostly boys and never had a boyfriend, since she was 'one of the guys'. I guess it's sort of depressing in a way that even now she hasn't ever had a boyfriend, it's obvious she wants one.
I take another sip of my drink as Ian comes and sits by me with Ita.
"Hey! Uh...what's your name again?" Ian jokes and I just sort of sigh.
"Kimi and who are you?"
"Ahahaha." He reaches to take my drink and I slap his hand. "Jerk I just wanted a sip."
"Get your own drink, I don't need your germs."
"Cruel woman." He stands up and stretches, saying he's going to go to the concession stand.
I look at Ita who just sort of grunts before standing up to take his own turn.
The thing about Ian...is I tend to act rude when I'm around him. I'm not all fluttery, cute, fangirl...no I'm all get the hell away from me, you're annoying relationship. I don't think I've ever really acted serious around him, well...serious in a sense of honesty. We've never had much of an intense one on one talk. The only intense moment we've ever shared was when we had sex, which wasn't even that pleasant. The whole drunk thing and the alcohol stink was a complete turn off, but...at the same time I finally got a moment with the guy I'd liked for so long.
No one knows though, not even Miki my best friend. It's just this painful secret I have to keep the rest of my life.
"Hey Kimi." Kaine whispers near my ear, and I flush, glancing over at him. "Mind if I join you?"
"Why are you being so formal?" I laugh a bit and nod, he sits across from me and smiles.
"Would you like to get together after this?" He offers up.
This is a normal occurrence, Kaine is always hitting on a girl, and he frequently makes passes at me. I've never really accepted an invitation before, because I guess in the past I always clung on to the hope that Ian and I would get together, but the past few weeks I've been taking up his offers. We don't do much, usually just make out and mess around, we've only had sex twice, and it was okay. He always uses protection, and we haven't had issues, so I know it's as safe as it can get.
"Yeah sure." I say.
It's not like he's completely disgusting despite the playboyness, he's a good guy, and attractive, so I don't mind much.
"Awesome." He winks and twiddles his fingers together, looking as if he wants to say something else. I wait patiently, watching him, when he notices I'm staring at him he sort of blushes. It's really faint, but it's enough to make my heart jump a little bit. I've never seen him blush before, it makes him look really cute. Unlike the whole playboy image he has set for him.
"Kimiii! Up again!" This time Akira shouts it and I jump up to take my turn.
In the end the guys of course win, Kaine comes over to me and takes my hand, asking if I'm ready. I nod a yes just as Miki and Ian walk over.
"Oh Kimi are you going home with Kaine?" Miki asks glancing at Ian then me.
"Yeah, that's cool right?"
"Yeah it's fine, Ian had offered to give you a ride, but if you want..." She trails off and my heart skips a beat. She must have convinced Ian to take me home in hopes he and I could maybe talk more. Such a considerate friend I have.
"Well she and I have plans." Kaine grins playfully, squeezing my hand.
"It's fine. Next time." Ian says casually. "I gotta get going anyways."
Miki suddenly looks nervous, and I feel my heart sting. This is why I know I'll never be with Ian, he gets like this, uncaring when it comes to me. He has a girlfriend anyways, he's probably going to meet up with her later anyways. So why does he need me? There isn't any reason.
"Come on Kimi." Kaine starts walking forward and I say a quick goodbye to Miki and Ian.
We head to his car, he opens the door for me and I get in as he rounds to the other side. Next thing I know we're driving off. The thing about Kaine, is he doesn't take girls home, because he has roommates and lives in the college dorms, so this means a drive to one of the love hotels. The first time I came to a love hotel I was beyond embarrassed, but then you realize it's pretty normal. You see all sorts of people there, just looking around is fun.
Today as he and I are paying for the room, I notice a young boy probably in high school with this obviously older woman. I start to wonder if maybe the woman is a teacher of his, or maybe he works as a host. You never really know what the status of the other people are, that's another reason love hotels can be fun, you get to play a game of make believe, coming up with all these scenarios. I wonder what the people think of Kaine and I here together?
We head to the room that's on the second floor, once inside I go to take my shirt off but then Kaine reaches out for me.
"Why don't we work the mood instead?" He laughs, but the look in high eyes mean's he's serious.
I don't say anything, just wrap my arms around him and kiss his lips. He kisses back tenderly at first then becomes more fierce, his hands slip up my shirt and then he pulls it over my head and tosses it to the floor. He lips move to my neck, sending kisses down until he reaches my collar bone. I moan softly, his hands move to unclasp my bra, he does it easily. I slip it off, then move my own hands to remove his shirt.
Our lips meet again, my fingers tangling in his hair, our tongues wrestle playfully as we make our way toward the bed. I feel him pressing against me and then I feel a huge pain in my stomach. I gasp, breaking away from him to catch my breath.
"Is everything alright?" His eyes soften as he looks at my face.
"Y-Yeah." I pull him back to me, kissing him more fiercely. I attempt to flip him so he's laying on the bed, but of course that doesn't work, he ends up pinning me down instead. His hands massage my breasts and move down my hips, he starts to pull my jeans down right when another pain in my stomach causes me to gag. I sit up quickly, gagging once more, then I'm up and running toward the bathroom.
I throw up in the toilet, not once, but twice, then move to the sink to wash out my mouth. I have no idea why I'm suddenly getting sick, I think back to what I've eaten today and can only think that maybe those cheese fries had something to do with my stomach bug.
"Kimi are you feeling alright?" Kaine is standing in the doorway of the bathroom. "I can take you home if you want me to."
I glance up at him and nod. "I'm not feeling so well, I'm sorry, I hope I didn't give it to you."
"It's all good."
I gather up my clothes, putting them back on, we head back to the car and he ends up driving me back to my apartment. The ride is deathly quiet, my stomach calms down, but I still keep thinking about what it could be. Last time I had the stomach bug it wasn't like this, so maybe I'm getting the flu...but flu season is pretty much over. Kaine and I say our goodbyes, I head inside to look for some medicine.
Looking in my bathroom cabinet I see a box of tampons and freeze. No. I couldn't possibly be...? I shake my head and grab a pill bottle, but then I think about today's date.
I'm late.
You have got to be kidding me, I'm not pregnant, there's no way I could be. Kaine used protection, that should be good enough...unless...
It's Ian.
He didn't use a condom when he was drunk, not at all, we just went at it.
My face pales at the realization. I run out of the bathroom to find my cell phone, I have to call Miki, I have to talk to someone. Maybe she can go pick me up some tests, just to be sure...
I dial Miki's number, feeling my body shaking. She answers after a single ring.
"Hello, hello, something happen between you and Kaine?" She asks.
"Uh...no not really. He just took me home."
"I could have sworn you two would be humping all night."
"Ha, ha."
"I can't believe you went with him just to make Ian jealous."
"I didn't know you were going to try to get him to drive me home!" I sigh worn out.
"You wont have a chance with that boy if you act like you're into Kaine."
"Ugh. I call you because I'm seriously freaked out and you go lecturing me. Please Miki just let me speak."
"Fine, fine. What is it?"
"Could...you maybe come over?"
"I guess so, but we just hung out all day, why do I need to come over?"
"I might be pregnant."
There's a long pause, my chest tightens awaiting her response. "W-Whatt!?" I can only imagine the way her eyes must be bulging. "Pregnant? Holy shit Kimi, how, when, who?"
"I just need you to get a couple tests...and bring them to me. You can do that right?"
"Of course I can. Oh my god. Are you okay? Does Kaine know? Is that why...the father is Kaine isn't it?! That's why you're giving up on Ian."
"It isn't Kaine, don't make assumptions."
"Who else have you been sleeping with?" She questions.
"Could you please just come over with the tests?" I plead, not wanting to explain over the phone.
"I'll be there as soon as I can, just don't freak out Kimi!" With that she hangs up the phone and I walk over to my couch exasperated. I sit down, arching my neck to look up at the ceiling.
What if I really am pregnant and what if it is Ian's baby? I'm probably only a little over a month in at this moment...but what happens when I start showing? What am I supposed to tell all of our friends? When they start asking about the father of course they'll assume Kaine, but when I say it isn't him...how am I supposed to explain to Ian it's his?
I feel tears prickling my eyes. Great. Pregnant with his baby, that'd be just my luck. A guy who I'll never even have, not to mention a guy with a steady girlfriend.
I guess it's still early if I am, I could get an abortion, that way I don't have to worry about explaining anything. The thing is though, how could I go through with it? I know I couldn't, especially if it really is Ian's baby, which it most likely is.
I really didn't need this right now.
The door bell rings, I stand up walking over and opening it. Miki stands there with a bag in her hands, she is breathing heavily, like she just ran up the steps to get up here. Her eyes meet with mine, and she jumps up wrapping her arms around me tightly. "Oh Kimi."