In my Veins

"Of course I told him it wasn't his business, but then he went off on how it could be his..." Miki sighs.
"It's okay." I nod to myself, sitting down on the bed. "I don't care if he knows."
"Are you sure?" Miki sits next to me, reaching to touch my shoulder.
"Yeah I'm good, I'll be telling everyone eventually, just...as long as Kaine doesn't go and make a big deal out of it."
"Thats sort of another reason for me yelling..."
"Huh?" I look at her.
"He seriously thinks you may have gotten pregnant with his child, you have to give him an explanation Kimi."
"I can't tell Kaine about Ian and I, they're good friends." Miki gives me a look, one in which I know means that I have to suck it up, because face it, reality is I'm pregnant and everyone is going to find out eventually.
"I get it, okay."
"Good, so...when are you going to do it?"
"Not today, I'm not feeling all that great."
"Well, he's texting me like at this moment...so you should at least call him and say something."
"Like what?"
"Something along the lines of it isn't his baby and you'll explain more later when you're feeling better."
"I guess that makes sense."
"It does make sense, keep it simple, it's not like he'll kill you."
"Yeah but it is an issue for him, he probably is thinking he'll have to take care of a baby, he's the sort of guy who just wants to have fun and get with girls. I can't imagine him ever settling down and being a really good father, so if he's thinking it's his baby, it could seriously be an issue. I feel bad about it."
"He's a grown man Kimi, maybe you're judging to harshly."
"Maybe so." I pull out my cell phone then ask Miki for some privacy, she walks to her doorway then says she'll pick out a movie for us to watch since we typically like the same ones and to just meet her in the living room after I'm done. I nod then go ahead and dial Kaine's number...he answers after the second ring.
"Kimi." He says, his voice sounding more worried than usual, I bite my lip, wondering what on earth he's feeling right now.
"Hey Kaine."
"So it's true, isn't it?"
"Well yeah." I say after awhile. "But not in the way you're thinking."
"Of course it's in the way I'm thinking, I'm the only guy you've been with recently, so it has to be me!" He says this loudly...then his voice gets quiet. "I am...the only guy...you've been with, right?" I never knew he could sound so sad and accusing at the same time, I clench my fists together and I know what has to be said.
"It's not your child Kaine, there's a different guy."
"Then he knows? He's treating you well? Supporting you?"
"Not exactly..."
"So you're with the guy and he doesn't even Know you're pregnant with his child?" He's angry now, it's so clear to me, the way he talks, the things he says...he's such an intense person.
"He has a girlfriend." I measure out how it sounds on my tongue. "So it isn't that easy."
"He's a cheater too?" Kaine scoffs. "You deserve better than that and you know it."
"You...still don't get it." I say quickly. "He...he...he doesn't even remember we had sex, it's complicated, but he doesn't know he and I were ever together, it's hard Kaine."
"Well of course it's hard." We both stay silent, I can almost hear my heart pounding in my ears. "But it doesn't have to be."
I blink, gripping the phone tightly, his words repeating in my mind, I know they're true, I know it doesn't have to be this way, but right now it is.
"I'll let you go Kimi, you're probably not feeling too well, I'll stop by to see you some time if that's okay."
"O-okay."
"Be careful. Bye." He hangs up before I have the chance to say more, I toss my cell phone on the bed, wondering why I feel so sick, then I realize I probably have to throw up again.
Right on queue my stomach does a flip flop and I'm rushing over to the bathroom to throw up, I stay there awhile longer, gagging, then I'm washing my mouth with water. After a bit, I make my way downstairs, were Miki picked out a movie, I sit down on the couch, she tosses me a blanket that I wrap around myself thankfully, we then proceed to watch a movie.

The morning sickness kicks in around three in the morning, I spend a good while leaning over the toilet feeling miserable. I'm groaning so loudly that I wake up both Miki and her mother, who come to comfort me. I'm given a glass of water by Miki's mother, while Miki rubs my back lightly. We get to listen to stories...more like nightmares from when Miki's mother was pregnant, she said the morning sickness usually subsided within a month, it doesn't usually last longer than that. She said it was always the worst part of pregnancy, even if a lot of pain is involved in the overall process, the morning sickness completely kills.
By the time I'm feeling better it's after four, so with the help of Miki, since I'm weak on my legs, I make it back to my bed. I'm given promises of a nice breakfast, with plenty of good food that her mother always enjoyed when she was pregnant, it's really considerate, and for that I'm completely thankful. At this point I don't know what I'd be doing without Miki, I might have given up the baby, but with this support, it's so much easier. Even if part of me wishes the support I was getting was from the father...
I manage to get back to sleep, then wake up close to nine, I walk to the kitchen where Miki's mother is, I know today Miki had some stuff to do, but I don't mind being here with her mom. She and I eat together, then chat about some topics other than pregnancy. Talking with her makes me realize how much I miss my own mother, and even my father. I rarely talk to them, I haven't even gone home for the holidays in a long time, I wonder if they miss me too? I should call them, I should tell them I'm pregnant and that they'll be grandparents in less than a year. Wont they be so happy?
Miki's mom notices my expression and excuses herself for a moment to go make more tea, I sit down and wonder if it really matters that I wont be telling them the father, the fact that I'm going through with this is significance enough. Doesn't bringing a new life to the world bring happiness? Having a baby is a positive thing.
I just wish I myself could completely believe this statement. The fact is I don't want to tell them without having Ian there with me. I don't want to raise this baby as a single mother, depending on money from my parents and help from Miki and her family. I don't want to be pitied by Ian for his mistake, and have my daughter have to grow up knowing her dad doesn't love her. Tears spring in the corner of my eyes, but I swipe them away fast, I hear the doorbell ring and Miki's mom asks if I can get it.
"Sure thing!" I stand up and walk over to the door, I open it and see Miki with a bunch of stuff in her arms.
"You would not believe how hard it is to ring a doorbell with your elbow!" She says walking inside with all the stuff, she sets it down on the living room table and lets out a huff.
"Uhh...what is all that?"
"This is a box is the box for Kimi's pregnancy! I went all out and bought some cool stuff, just to be prepared you know?"
"You did...what exactly?"
"Open it and see for yourself!" She has this confident smirk on her face...but I still go over and open the large box.
Inside it is some books on pregnancy and parenting, some of my favorite movies, a cute stuffed bear, a small blanket, a picture frame, and a few other odds and ends. I look up at Miki, feeling myself burst into a ridiculous grin. "What is this an early baby shower?"
"I HAD to, I walked by one of those maternity stores you know? It got me thinking, so I basically had to get you stuff."
"That's too much, but thanks."
"Hehe, just wait, by next month you'll probably be wearing all new clothes too."
"Don't remind me about the gaining weight thing." I sigh.
"You'll be really hot pregnant."
"Shut up."
"By the way, my mom and I took the liberty of calling your work as well as the university."
"Really?" I glance at her.
"Yeah, you got fired."
"Joy."
"But they'll be sending you some money in the mail or whatnot. And with college...they said that you can could take some of your classes online if your teachers approved, or you could drop out, so you think about it and make your decision."
"I'll probably drop out." I say nodding. "I really don't think I could balance school, a job, and me being pregnant and having a baby. You know?"
"I figured. We'll contact them later."
"Sounds good to me."
"Now...I do need to talk to you about something." Miki says seriously.
"What's that?"
"Well. Everyone was asking about you today when we were hanging out before class. I told them that you caught the flu, but they're insisting of seeing you to make sure you're okay. I had to explain to them you don't want to see anyone, and stuff but that excuse only will last so long. We'll probably be okay for another day, but eventually..."
"We'll tell them after my morning sickness goes away."
"Okay. Good." Miki nods. "I am thinking Kaine wants to see you though, he'll probably stop by here or your apartment before the end of this week."
"Thats okay, since he knows."
"I figured." Miki yawns. "Goshh, I'm wore out already."
"I know the feeling, I might go take a nap."
"Having babies must be hard."
"Lying to our friends must be hard too." I go and hug Miki tightly. "Thank you so much for this, you're the best friend anyone could ever ask for."
"I know you'd do the same thing for me." She hugs me back tightly.
"But thank God it isn't you." I laugh.
"True that." She raises her hand up and we burst into a small giggle fit.
"I can't see you having kids." I say looking at her.
"I can't see myself having kids either, but I can see myself being a bad ass aunt who spoils the crap out of this little lady." She reaches and touches my stomach.
"I really hope it's a girl."
"Thought of any names?"
"Not at all."
"We should."
"Yeah, but some other time, we'll get our friends to help."
"Whoo! Fun stuff." She smiles.
"Most definitely." I stifle a yawn, feeling tired again.
"Want to go lay down?"
"I probably should." I frown. "I'm starting to feel like the most lazy person in the world."
"You can't help it, now lets go up the stairs." Miki starts to walk, and I follow, we head into her room and I go ahead and snuggle under her covers.
"Akira just invited me to hangout with everyone tonight, so I'm going to do that. You'll be fine here with my mom right?"
"Yeah I'll be good."
"Okay cool."
"Well...night I guess."
"Night Kimi." Miki smiles and I close my eyes, drifting off after a short while.

When I wake up it's close to eleven at night, I notice the lamp at the bedside on and a note scribbled there. I know Miki probably wont be back for another couple hours, so I doubt it's from her, but I go ahead and pick up the note. It's from her mom, it says she got a date and to keep that secret from Miki for now, she'll be back later. I'm not sure when she wrote this, but it looked rushed by the handwriting, I decide not to think that much about it.
I stand up, feeling my stomach whirl, I groan and head over to the bathroom. I splash some water on my face and blink a few times to wake up a bit more. The gagging I was expecting doesn't come, but I do have some sore muscles that are a little uncomfortable.
I wander down the stairs toward the kitchen, wanting to make myself some tea. As I'm walking I hear the sound of the doorbell. That's weird. I frown and head toward to door, wondering who on earth could be here this late. I open the door, first peaking out but then I see Kaine and a relief washes over me. I open the door all the way.
"Hey you."
"Hey." He looks at me, eyes starting from my face then going down. "May I come in?"
"Sure." I step back, walking with him over to the couch where we sit down.
"I was thinking we should talk."
"That's fine."
"I know the baby isn't mine, or at least you've said that." His voice is soft, I watch as he isn't looking at me, he's just staring at his clenched hands. "But you haven't told me the father either..."
"No I haven't." My heart leaps at the thought of Ian, and then I have to shake him away from my thoughts to focus on Kaine.
"Tell me." He looks at me now, leaning closer. "If you don't tell me now, then that gives me permission to be the father of the child."
My breath catches, wondering what he's talking about. Why would he want to be the father of a child that isn't his? Plus, why does he want to know so badly in the first place? It just doesn't make any sense to me. "I...don't know what you're talking about."
"Of course you do." He reaches with one of his hands and puts it over mine, not breaking eye contact. "Kimi I'm in love with you."
I pull away from him, standing up, I can hear my heart pounding in my ears. This isn't happening, Kaine isn't the kind of guy who does this, who says that. "I don't think you're thinking clearly." I mumble.
He stands up, reaching for me again. "If you think that, then let me prove it to you."
"Kaine...I dont-
"Kimi." He's standing in front of me now, cupping my face with his hands, a surge goes through by body and I'm completely torn. I don't know if I should push him away or not. He moves his lips closer to mine, and for a moment I literally cannot breathe. When his lips touch mine, there's this explosion inside me, I pull him closer as our tongues begin to dance and he tangles his fingers in my hair.
He taste's sweet, so unbelievably sweet, I lick his lips, kiss him harder, he runs his hands down my sides then pushes me away.
"I love you., do you believe me now?"
My lips part, and reality kicks back in, this isn't a hookup he's talking about, he's telling me his feelings. I took advantage of yet another guy. I shake my head, looking at him.
"I shouldn't have done that."
"But you did." He says this seriously. "Kimi stop denying that you like me."
I never once thought that I would be with him as a lover, I always considered him a friend with benefits almost. I shake my head again.
"No."
Kaine looks completely hurt, so hurt that I almost...almost want to take that no back.
"Then tell me one thing."
"What?"
"Who is the father Kimi?"
A silence stretches between us, I touch my stomach and then bring my eyes to look into his.
"Ian."
Kaine's eyes widen, and then anger flashes in his eyes, he comes forward and grabs my shoulders. "What the hell are you thinking!?"
I stay quiet, staring at Kaine, ignoring the pain where his hands are.
"Why the hell haven't you told him?! He's our good friend, he should fucking take responsibility!"
"It isn't that simple."
"Simple my ass. You're going to tell him and when he rejects you, you'll come cry on my shoulder."
I suddenly want to slap Kaine for saying that, for thinking that if Ian knows he'll reject me. I don't want to take advantage of Kaine's feelings, not at all. I just want to sort all my own stuff out. Kaine's arms drop, he turns and starts to walk toward the door. Before I can even mumble another word, he's opening the door and is gone.