Sequel: Existing ›
Should've Said Yes
Should've Said Yes
Yes. I should’ve said yes. Why couldn’t I have just told him yes? Because I’m not ready for a commitment of that magnitude? Did I not love him enough? You never forget your first love, and you can never really move on.
Why couldn’t I have just said yes? Why couldn’t I have run away with him when he asked? I think I was scared. I think I’m still scared. And now this ring, this beautiful ring, is all I have left. I wear it constantly and when I turn it over in my fingers, I remember his smile, his eyes, his arms wrapped around me as his chin nuzzles into my neck. And damn it all if I didn’t love him. Damn it all if I don’t think about him each and every day. Damn it all if I didn’t sigh contentedly, close my eyes, and lean my own head against his, savouring the human closeness. But I’ve lost him now; I’ll never find him again. And on days like today, when I’m cold and alone, I remember countless days spent together, holding hands and hugging, kissing sweetly. Fingers running through hair, loving words whispered into open ears. I can feel a secret smile on my face because no one knows about him. He’s mine. My everything. And I couldn’t say yes for the life of me.
I wanted to, truly I did, but I couldn’t see myself as that girl, married at seventeen. I told him I couldn’t marry him and his broken heart filled him with rage. He stormed away, leaving my life forever. I searched for him. For months I searched and found nothing. I never told my friends the real story, never explained my sudden drop into depression. They wouldn’t have understood. I lost him and I’ve never been the same. He’ll always be the standard to which I compare others, and no one else could ever compare.
I know I’ll never love again. I love him even though he’s vanished. Yet I still hope that one day, God will give him back to me so that I can rectify the biggest mistake of my life: letting him go. Until then, I’ll turn his ring around in my fingers, reminisce about the days where I found peace, and pray that he’ll come back to me.
Why couldn’t I have just said yes? Why couldn’t I have run away with him when he asked? I think I was scared. I think I’m still scared. And now this ring, this beautiful ring, is all I have left. I wear it constantly and when I turn it over in my fingers, I remember his smile, his eyes, his arms wrapped around me as his chin nuzzles into my neck. And damn it all if I didn’t love him. Damn it all if I don’t think about him each and every day. Damn it all if I didn’t sigh contentedly, close my eyes, and lean my own head against his, savouring the human closeness. But I’ve lost him now; I’ll never find him again. And on days like today, when I’m cold and alone, I remember countless days spent together, holding hands and hugging, kissing sweetly. Fingers running through hair, loving words whispered into open ears. I can feel a secret smile on my face because no one knows about him. He’s mine. My everything. And I couldn’t say yes for the life of me.
I wanted to, truly I did, but I couldn’t see myself as that girl, married at seventeen. I told him I couldn’t marry him and his broken heart filled him with rage. He stormed away, leaving my life forever. I searched for him. For months I searched and found nothing. I never told my friends the real story, never explained my sudden drop into depression. They wouldn’t have understood. I lost him and I’ve never been the same. He’ll always be the standard to which I compare others, and no one else could ever compare.
I know I’ll never love again. I love him even though he’s vanished. Yet I still hope that one day, God will give him back to me so that I can rectify the biggest mistake of my life: letting him go. Until then, I’ll turn his ring around in my fingers, reminisce about the days where I found peace, and pray that he’ll come back to me.
♠ ♠ ♠
Please ignore any grammatical mistakes such as sentence fragments... They were done on purpose :DOther than that, I hope you enjoy it and please comment if you feel like it!