My Little Star

Once Jake and I arrived back at Sam’s house, the guys were strewn about the living room, chatting excitedly. I was too distracted to absorb any of their conversations, as my mind was constantly going back to the needle I found in my mother’s room. Maybe it wasn’t as bad as I was assuming; maybe she was sick and needed medicine. That seemed far-fetched, though, due to the fact that the needle was coupled with an old spoon. I was nearly driving myself crazy with questions and confusion when a warm hand landed on my shoulder.

I jumped slightly, looking to my left to see Paul’s concerned hot chocolate eyes. “You alright? You were staring at a wall, for a second I was worried you were possessed or something.”

Well, let’s see, I couldn’t remember the last time I slept, my best friends were miserable and on the other side of the country, and my mom was potentially a drug addict-again. Despite all that, I gave him the best grin I could manage. “Nope, I’m good! Just- uh, have to pee!” I wasn’t sure where that last bit came from, but it gave me an excuse to escape and collect myself.

Paul chuckled and dropped his hand from its spot on my shoulder, leaving it cold, and I slipped past him before he could ask any more questions. I got to the bathroom without incident and locked the door behind me. I stood in front of the mirror for a few seconds, taking a few deep breaths. My mind was reeling with an overload of emotions and thoughts and I just wanted it to stop.

I sat at the edge of the tub and pulled my phone from my pocket, pressing Ryan’s contact and the holding the phone to my ear. It was on the third ring when the familiar voice sounded in my ear. “Miss me already? It’s only been like an hour, is everything okay?”

For the first time since I was in my mother’s room, my emotions hit me like a wall and I had to bite my lip against the tears pooling in my eyes. I didn’t answer right away, wanting to compose myself before I spoke.

“Stella? Are you okay? Talk to me, love.” He was worried now, and I felt bad for doing that to him, but I knew if I was going to give my attention to the boys tonight, I needed to get this off my chest. “I went into my mom’s room a few minutes ago and found a needle.”

The line was silent for a few seconds and I knew he was trying to digest what I’d told him. Finally, Ryan let out a breath, mumbling a few choice words. “Shit, are you alright?”

“I can’t say I’m surprised,” I told him honestly; I knew she was bound to have a relapse, only I was just expecting it to happen in the far future, after Austin was at least moderately self-sufficient, not a few days after we moved to a new place, so that she could get over my father and her unhealthy addictions. “I just hate that this is happening again.”

I could picture Ryan biting his lip on the other end of the phone. “You know this isn’t your fault, right? It isn’t your job to keep her in check; you’re her child for God’s sake, if anything, she should be the one making sure you’re not shooting up behind her back.”

I huffed out a sarcastic laugh before he continued. “Listen, just don’t think about it tonight, okay? Let me be the one to worry for once. I want you to have fun with your new friends, okay?”

I nodded slowly, tugging at a strand of my hair anxiously. “You realize that’s easier said than done, right?”

“I know, but do it anyway. I love you, so go have fun.” We said our goodbyes and I thanked him for listening before I hung up. Admittedly, I did feel a bit better, even just hearing his calming voice had cleared up some of my worries.

When I was leaving the bathroom Jake was at the end of the hall, making his way toward me with a curious smile. “I was just coming to check on you, thought you might’ve fallen in.” He teased, an easy grin on his face as we both began making our way back to the front room.

I grinned back, shaking my head at him in response. When we entered the living room the boys were playing Mario Cart, each of them staring at the television intently, occasionally cheering and yelling out warnings to each other. Jake had slipped into a spot on the sofa, easily joining in on the fun.

Seeing as the room was crowded enough, I decided to venture into the kitchen to see if Emily needed my help with anything. Sure enough, she was bent over the counter, chopping a mountain of potatoes. I took a spot beside her and she grinned gratefully as I grabbed a knife and a potato from the pile.

We chatted lightly as we prepared dinner and I was more than happy for the distraction. She told me stories about Sam and the guys and I told her about Kelly, Ryan, and Papa. It was nice talking to Emily and I was so glad I’d met her.

After a few minutes Kim joined us in the kitchen and together we finished dinner in no time. When it was time to eat, everyone piled into the kitchen and filled their plates to the brim; I was still amazed at how much they all could eat in one sitting.

We had managed to squeeze enough chairs for everyone around the dining table, though it was a tight squeeze. Paul sat down in the chair next to mine and we were close enough that our thighs pressed together under the table, causing my stomach to flip. He bumped his knee against mine with a playful grin that I returned easily, before we both focused on our food.

Throughout the chaotic meal I would catch Paul glancing at me between mouthfuls of food. Each time it happened he would grin like a little kid and go back to eating, or a few times he would send me a wink or wiggle his eyebrows playfully, causing me to giggle and nearly choke on potatoes a few times. When everyone was finished the guys helped clean up and soon we were all filing back into the living room.

Before I got there Sam pulled me aside, taking me a bit by surprise. “What’s up, Sammy?” I asked, leaning against the wall across from him.

He grinned, “I talked to the guys and they’re excited to help.”

I nodded slowly, not so sure how excited I was. It wasn't that I didn’t want their help or that I didn't want to sleep- because I did. I just didn’t want to deal with the disappointment of an unsuccessful night. “What’s the plan?” I asked anyway, not willing to upset Sam because of my own anxieties.

“Well, they couldn’t agree on one idea, so we decided everyone would think of one thing that always gets them to sleep, and we’d try all of them. Does that sound okay?” He looked nervous, as if he was afraid I wouldn’t approve.

I bit my lip and took a few steps forward, wrapping my arms around Sam’s waist, wanting him to know how grateful I was for all the effort he was putting into my wellbeing. He seemed surprised, but hugged me back nonetheless. “Thank you, Sam, really.”

He pulled back so he could smile at me. “Let’s get you some sleep, yeah?”