My Little Star

The four of us spent a good hour in Emily’s kitchen while she watched the boys give her a play by play of what happened at lunch, with a huge smile on her face, an occasional laugh escaping her lips. The two of them had even tried acting the whole scene out, Paul pretending to be me, while Jacob was the girl that got punched, who by the way, was apparently named Michelle.

I didn’t care much though; I was having too much fun for her to be pestering my mind at the moment.

After another few minutes it was one thirty, and I decided I would Video chat Ryan. After all, it would be four thirty in New York by now, and if I waited much longer, it would be too late. So, I politely excused myself to the front porch with my bag over one shoulder.

Once I got there, I sat down on the small, white bench swing in the corner and pulled my laptop out, starting it up, and immediately signing onto my Skype account. I situated the computer on my lap before clicking Ryan’s name under my contact list, silently hoping he would answer.

It rang two and a half times, and the screen twitched a bit before bright blonde hair and dimples greeted me with a large, goofy smile.

I smiled back in return, a giddy feeling in my stomach. I was so happy to see my cousin. He looked no different than he did when I left him. He was tall and scrawny, with a head of wild blonde hair and dark blue eyes, like mine. He was wearing a black Joker shirt, and I could tell by his surroundings that he was using the desktop computer in the study of my Papa’s house. He has one ear bud in his ear and the other dangling loosely next to him, and as soon as he saw me, he smiled big.

I glanced down at my own shirt, smirking at the bright yellow batman symbol on the front. We both eyed the other’s shirt for about two seconds before screaming out in unison. “Traitor!”

I sniffled, feigning hurt and fighting my smile. “How could you? You’ve switched to the dark side!”

He let loose a little sheepish grin, the dimples in his cheeks sinking in as he gave me an innocent shrug. “They had cookies,” He was always the goofy one, smiling, cracking jokes whenever the chance came up, and pulling pranks all the time.

I giggled and shook my head, feeling my smile nearly spit my face in two.

Ryan was smiling as well, a bit of that usual playful glint in his blue eyes. “It’s good to see you haven’t changed at all. I’m glad Washington hasn’t poisoned your soul.”

I rolled my eyes at him playfully. “I haven’t even been gone for a week and I’m pretty sure a different state cannot ‘poison my soul’. You’re such a drama queen.”

He huffed, his bottom lip jutting out into a pout. “We miss you,”

Guilt settled itself in my gut and my smile dropped a bit. “I know,” I mumbled, looking away from him for a moment and instead, gazing out into the seemingly endless trees. “I miss you guys too.”

“Chin up, love. I didn’t mean to upset you. Besides, we’ll see each other soon. Plus, if you keep frowning like that, you’ll get wrinkles, become unattractive, grow old and alone, and end up adopting like fifty cats or something.” When I looked up, he had a hopeful smile on his face.

I simply rolled my eyes at him, fighting a smile. “Shut up, I don’t even like cats. They f-”

“They freak you out; I know.” He finished my sentence off with a laugh and shook his head before getting quiet. When he began typing on the old keyboard in front of him, I assumed he was doing something else, until a small notification popped up on my screen, indicating that he had sent me a Skype message.

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, wondering why he didn’t just tell me what he needed to say out loud, until I actually read the message.

‘Kelly is in here with me, in the armchair behind the computer. She wants to talk to you, but she’s afraid if you see her, you’ll get upset.’

I blinked, confused at first, until realization hit me like an oncoming truck and my heart sunk to my feet. I had to take a deep breath before I typed back an answer.

‘Is it bad?’ I typed back, my heart racing as I tried not to work myself up, or get too worried.

Ryan looked up at the camera and gave me a solemn look.

I took another deep breath, calming my racing thoughts before nodding and speaking out loud. “I want to talk to her. I’m fine, really.” I added in the last part when he gave me an unsure look.

He nodded slowly and lifted his head, speaking in the direction of where my best friend was sitting. “Kells, Stella wants to talk to you.”

I heard a bit of shuffling and braced myself for the worst as Ryan got up from the chair, only to be replaced by Kelly. Her hair formed a curtain around her face as she pulled the headphones out of the jack, so my voice would come from the speaker. She finally looked up at me, her hair falling away from her face. My breath caught in my throat when her face came into focus on my screen. There was a large purple bruise surrounding her left eye, and a long, swollen red gash on the same cheek. I swallowed the lump in my throat and silently clenched my fists, out of view of the camera before forcing a smile, as if I didn’t even notice. It had never been this bad before, at least, not in such a visible place on her body. “Hey, Lee Lee,”

She gave me a weak smile, reasonably not in the mood for conversation.

I decided to change the topic of discussion to something that I knew would make her smile. “I broke a girls jaw today.”

Her eyes widened, a genuine smile growing on her face as Ryan’s head popped up on the corner of my screen, a shocked look on his face. “You did WHAT?”

I shrugged, laughing. “She was being a bitch.” I told them, as if it justified my actions. “Besides, that was the first time in like, a whole month that I’ve injured someone.”

“I think it might be a record.” Kelly’s voice was sarcastic and disapproving, but there was a tiny smile on her face, and that’s all it took to get me smiling too.

“I’m so proud!” Ryan cried dramatically, in a sarcastic manner, referring to the amount of time I went before punching another person. He slapped a hand over his heart as his voice became increasingly feminine.

“Why exactly did you break her jaw?” Kelly asked, her voice tired and amused, like an old lady’s.

I simply shrugged, “She was picking on a friend of mine, and I didn’t like it. I would have done the same thing if it was one of you guys.”

“Yeah, we should probably work on the whole ‘spontaneous jaw breaking’ thing.” Ryan’s voice was thoughtful, causing me to laugh.

I almost responded when a distant voice cut me off. “Have either of you seen my black licorice?”

“Cabinet next to the fridge.” Kelly, Ryan and I all answered the question at the same time, as if it was a programed answer in our brains.

“Papa!” I yelled happily when the forgetful man walked through the door behind Ryan and Kelly wearing khaki pants, a white button up shirt and florescent green suspenders.

I was so unbelievably happy to see him. He smiled when he saw me on the computer screen. “Who trapped my little star in that fish tank?” He asked playfully, tapping his fingers lightly on the screen.

I giggled softly and shook my head. “You’re looking fancy papa. Headed anywhere special?” I wagged my eyebrows at him suggestively as Kelly giggled. We all knew that Papa had a bit of a thing for his neighbor, Ms. Celia. She would help him tend his garden every weekend, and in return, he’d cook her dinner and they would eat together on the patio. It was the cutest.

“Oh hush, you.” He told me, waving a playful hand at the camera with a grin on his face. The skin around his eyes crinkled when he smiled, his hair was completely grey, and his hands had seen better days, but the man I was looking at was the strongest man I’d ever know. He’d practically raised the three of us since we were old enough to talk, even after raising his own children, and never uttered a word of complaint. For the three of us, he was mom and dad, friend and counselor, nurse and chef; everything a set of parents should be for a child, rolled up into one goofy old man. Every day I prided myself in being like papa; I always had and I always would want to be as good a person as he was.

I watched as he adjusted his already perfect suspenders. I admired that my papa was different than most grandparents. He didn’t like to dress up, and he refused to wear a regular neck tie. He’d wear a bowtie at most, and ever since I could remember, I had never seen him without a bizarre colored pair of suspenders over his shoulders. “Well, I have to go soon, kids. Ms. Celia is waiting for me.”

“Well, you don’t want to keep a hungry woman waiting!” Ryan laughed, throwing a hand in the air for emphases.

“You are very right, thumper. A woman with an empty stomach is a very scary thing!” A long time ago, papa had adopted little personalized nicknames for each of us. He called Ryan ‘thumper’ because he’s a drummer. He says that even when Ryan was a baby, he’d always be tapping a foot or banging his hands on any available surface, so the name fit.

Papa looked around for a second, thinking, before eying Kelly. “Why don’t you come with me, princess and I’ll clean your face up again before I leave.”

She nodded silently and gave me a weak smile before standing from her chair. Papa lowered his face very close to the camera, so close that I laughed. “I love you bunches, Stella. You be good and give Austin a kiss for me, alright?”

I smiled and nodded my head. He stood upright again and made his way across the room. Before he walked through the door he turned and I blew him a kiss. He pretended to catch it and shove it in his pocket before disappearing out the door with a smile on his face.

I sighed now that Ryan’s face was the only one in sight. We both knew the conversation was coming, so I didn’t beat around the bush. “What happened to Kelly?”

He gave a frustrated look. “You know what happened, Stella. Eric got piss drunk and took his anger out on her. The both of us were watching a movie with papa and we fell asleep. By the time we woke up, it was way passed the time she should’ve been home. I walked her back to her house, and we tried to sneak her in without waking him, but he was already up.” Eric was technically Kelly’s father, though we never used that title for him because the term ‘dad’ was something earned, and he had most definitely not earned it.

I was still confused after his explanation. “Yeah, but this has happened before and it’s never been this bad. He’s never hurt her in a spot where everyone could see it. I don’t understand what changed.”

He got a little gleam of pride in his eyes. “You didn’t let me finish.”

I blinked at his sudden change of mood, but nodded for him to continue.

“She stood up for herself.”

“Sh-she did…what?” my eyes were wide as dinner plates and my heart was nearly bursting with happiness. Ever since I could remember, Eric had beaten Kelly. He would hit her for no reason sometimes. In first grade, she learned the hard way that no matter what he was doing, she had to keep her mouth shut or it would only get worse. So that’s what she did; she hadn’t uttered a word to him in ten years. Not a word of defiance, or agreement; absolutely nothing. She simply took his beatings as they came, and if they were bad, Ryan and I would sneak her to papa’s house to fix her up.

Ryan nodded quickly with a big proud grin on his face.

“Well, what happened?” I asked him eagerly, nearly bouncing out of my seat.

“We got to her front door and all the lights were off inside, so we thought we’d be fine. But when we opened the door Kelly heard him coming, shoved me outside and locked the door. I guess she was afraid he would hurt me. I stayed outside by the door, in case she needed me after he left. I could hear him screaming at her, calling her a whore. I could tell by his voice that he was drunk out of his mind. He accused her of being a prostitute; he said there was no other explanation for her being out so late. He demanded she give him the money she made, but of course she didn’t have any money. Then he started screaming even louder, ‘You spent the money, didn’t you? You really are a worthless whore, aren’t you?’” Ryan took a deep breath before he continued.

I was nearly at the edge of my seat by now, the laptop teetering dangerously on my knees. I didn’t care though; I only cared about what Ryan was going to say next.
“Then…she told him ‘no’. It was quiet, but it was confident, and that was all that mattered. She finally did it Stella.” Ryan almost resembled a proud father at that moment; like there was nothing in the world that would make him more proud than the single word that came from Kelly’s mouth.

It probably wouldn’t seem like much to most people, because it was only one word, but Ryan and I knew that it was a huge leap for her, and neither of us could be more proud.

“That’s so great, Ryan. I wish I could just hug the shit out of both of you.” At that point I was stuck between incredibly proud and completely desperate to see them in person.

“Don’t worry, Papa was saying something about a visit, so it shouldn’t be too long before we see you.” It was like he knew exactly what I was thinking.

I smiled at Ryan before watching him skeptically. The whole time we were talking he had a smile on his face, but I could tell by the way his smile didn’t meet his eyes, that something was bothering him.

Ryan wasn’t really the person to lay his emotions out on the table. Kelly and I were really the only people he would open up to, and even then it was hard to get it out of him; he felt as if he had to be the strong one, like he couldn’t show weakness. It was always tough to break down his walls, but I was willing to do whatever it took if that meant his smile would be genuine.

“How are you doing, Ry?” I asked him softly, hoping he’d be honest with me.

As I suspected, he forced a smile and shook his head. “I’m fine, why?”

I sighed and his smile faltered a bit as he looked away from me. He knew that I was aware of his unhappiness and that I’d pester him until he told me why.

“It’s just- it,” He sighed heavily and ran a hand over his face.

Realization hit me and I nearly slapped myself. “He’s still gone, isn’t he?”

When Ryan was ten years old, his mom, my aunt, gave up custody of him, leaving all rights to his father, who never really understood Ryan. A month after that, he got a promotion at the law firm he worked at, meaning he would be taking longer business trips, more frequently. He took every chance he could get to get on every available trip, and did everything in his power to leave Ryan behind. He would hire nannies, or even tip the housekeeper to keep an eye on him. He’d be gone for weeks at a time, only coming home for a day or two before leaving again. When Ryan turned thirteen, his dad stopped hiring nannies and housekeepers and instead just sent him money, leaving him to raise himself.

As of today, he’s been gone for three months straight, the longest so far, and I knew it took a toll on Ryan.

In response to my question, Ryan shook his head no, forcing an indifferent smile.

“You don’t have to be strong for me, Ryan.” I whispered softly.

Anger glistened in his eyes, “Yes I do. I have to be strong for you and Kelly. I have to be strong so Papa isn’t worried.”

“Well then who’s going to be strong for you?” I knew he wasn’t mad at me; he was mad at his dad for being a shit parent, and I completely understood him.

He dropped his head into his had, mumbling various things that I didn’t catch before lifting his head back up with glassy eyes. “Why doesn’t he like me?”

My heart broke and I shook my head, wanting nothing more than for him to know this was not his fault. “Because he doesn’t know you well enough to see how perfect you are. He doesn’t deserve a son like you Ryan, and you deserve a father that will love you and hug you and tell you how proud he is, because you do such an amazing job at keeping me sane everyday. Honestly, if it weren’t for you and Kelly, I’d probably be in jail for several assault cases, and if he doesn’t see how great that is the screw him. He’s a shit dad anyway.”

Ryan blinked a few times. “You really think all that?” He asked softly, a hopeful doubt in his eyes.

“With all my heart.” I told him honestly.

He took a deep breath before nodding slowly and giving me that genuine smile that I loved. “Thanks Stella, really.”

I brushed it off with a shrug and a smile.

“You know,” He said suddenly, serious again. “You deserve a dad like that too.”

I let out a breathy, sarcastic laugh. “I guess we all have daddy issues.”

And that was nothing less than the truth.