One More Weekend

As I lay there listening to Logan's breathing, I realized something. I really began to believe that I wasn't in love with him. I mean, I loved him, truly I did ... it's just I felt like I didn't love him like more than a best friend or a brother.

Looking down at him for a brief moment, I slowly and carefully untangled myself from him and walked out of the room. I went downstairs, grabbed my jacket, and walked outside into the chilly Ireland air. Sitting on the steps, I rested my arms on my knees and looked out into the distance.

I heard the front door open and close behind me and turned to see Seamus walking towards me. "You okay, Shane?" he asked, sitting down next to me. Of all the people in this house, I knew I could count on him to be the first one to ask. I nodded, but didn't say anything. "Stop lying to me, man. Really, what's going on?" He was also the only one who could smell a lie a thousand miles away. I was thankful for that.

I took a shaky breath, let the tears fall, and closed my eyes for the briefest moment. "I don't think I'm in love with Logan the way I thought I was," I whispered, looking over at Seamus, his green eyes piercing into mine. "I love him, but I don't love him. And I don't know how to say it to him without breaking his heart. I told him we were going to get married -- I promised him, and I know that it's going to shatter him beyond repair when he finds out."

"Shane, dude," Seamus said, resting his head on my shoulder. I wiped away my tears, but they still fell like waterfalls. "You going to have to tell him. Sooner rather than later. It'll hurt him, yeah, but don't you think you owe it to him to tell him how you truly feel than to lead him on after you realized this?"

"Damn you, prophet!" I said, causing the both of us to chuckle. We stood up and turned to go in just as Logan walked out looking tired and worried. Seamus patted my shoulder and said his goodnight and went back in.

"What's wrong, Shane? Have you been crying?" Logan asked, walking over to me and wiping the remnants of the tears away. I nodded and smiled at him for a moment before grabbing his hand and pulling him over to the porch swing.

"I realized something while I was lying in bed tonight, and I had a meaningful talk with Seamus about it. I knew he could help me, he was our 'prophet' back in the day," I said, looking back out into the distance, feeling Logan resting himself against me.

"What did you realize that made you cry?" he asked, just barely over a whisper. He didn't sound scared, or worried, just ... curious. I looked down at him, let out a sigh, and closed my eyes for a brief moment again.

"It wasn't really much of a realization ... more of an 'I think' moment. Thing is, I think I'm not in love ... with you the way I thought I was all these months," I whispered, feeling Logan sit up rather abruptly.

"What did you and Seamus talk about exactly?" he asked, sounding a bit put out.

"That. My thoughts. He told me that it'd be best to tell you sooner than later seeing how it would hurt you more if I were to drag the relationship out longer after what I so-called 'realized'. In all honesty, though, I truly did believe I was in love with you when we first got together. Every moment, every kiss, every touch, everything was -- and still is -- very, very special to me."

I looked over at him and saw the tears falling down. So badly did I want to wipe them away, but I knew he wouldn't let me touch him. "Logan, I don't know what you're thinking, but please don't think I faked this whole thing. Because every time I said I love you, I meant it with my entire being." He and I locked eyes for a long moment. There was so much sadness in his eyes, and it killed me.

"So is this it? Or are we going on hiatus?" he asked, facing me completely. I reached my hands out, and he grabbed them almost instantly.

"What would make you more comfortable about taking all this in?" I asked, not breaking eye contact. Logan studied our interlocked hands for a moment, smiling as he rubbed his thumbs over the back of my hands.

"Hiatus. It would give us both time to think where our hearts lie at the moment, but I am pretty sure about where mine lies at the moment," he said, looking up at me. I nodded, and smiled at him. "Just ... one more thing first," he whispered, then crashed his lips into mine.