Dividing by Zero
Danielle
Danielle was up nearly as early as Lara, but she was up because she had to be. The baby that was sleeping in a crib in the corner of Danielle’s room had begun his early morning shrieks at around 5:15am, forcing Danielle out of the warmth of her bed.
She picked the boy up out of the crib, murmuring soothing words and rubbing his back. Danielle’s family put up foster kids until they could be moved in to a more permanent home, meaning every few weeks there were different children in the house.
Since Danielle was the one who really pushed to become a foster care family, she was the one who did the most work for them. She didn’t mind, but mornings like this, where she had been up with the baby until 1:30 in the morning already, she could feel slight regrets seeping in to her mind.
She pushed those thoughts away as she stared into the beautiful little face in front of her, and smiled at him before taking downstairs to get a bottle.
As Danielle fed him, she saw his eyes grow heavy, and sighed when she realized she had woken up for a five-minute feeding. She headed upstairs and placed him gently back in his crib.
She crawled back in to bed, drifting in and out of restless sleep for an hour-after she was up, she usually couldn’t go back to sleep. At around 6:30, she heard her mom head downstairs, so she decided it was time for her to get up and start her day as well.
Staying quiet so as not to wake the baby, she tiptoed out of her room into the bathroom across the hall, turning on the shower. Her house was air-conditioned, so she could turn the shower up as hot as she wanted.
As she waited for the shower to warm up, she brushed her teeth and tried to pull her brush through her black, all-natural curls, but after a few seconds of pain she just gave up and hoped the conditioner would help it to untangle itself.
After her shower she got dressed in her trademark basketball shorts and t-shirt- Danielle had a gorgeous body, but it was usually hiding behind her baggy clothes. Lara had tried time and time again to take her shopping and buy her some skin-tight, skimpy clothing, but it usually didn’t happen. When it did, Danielle would just buy it to humor Lara and then hide it in the back of her closet when she got home.
Danielle tried to run a comb through her locks, but she failed again and decided to pat them down with some gel, which kept them somehow tame.
After she was (somewhat) satisfied, she grabbed her backpack and headed downstairs for breakfast.
“Morning, hun,” her mother said cheerily, prodding scrambled eggs with a spatula. “Sit down, I’ll serve you some eggs.”
“Thanks, Mom,” Danielle replied, sitting at the counter and putting her face in her hands, rubbing her eyes.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I’m just tired. Javis started crying at like, 5:15 this morning.”
“Yeah, I heard. Did you get him back to sleep?”
“Mm-hmm. He just wanted a bottle.”
Her mom came around and put a plate of eggs in front of her, kissing her cheek. “I don’t know what we would do without you.”
Yeah, Danielle thought. Me neither. Danielle really did love having foster kids in the house; she loved kids and wanted to make a difference in people’s lives. It’s just that sometimes, constantly dealing with young kids on top of homework, sports, and flute practice got a little difficult. She knew that she was the one that really pushed to be a foster family, but it didn’t mean she had to be the only one taking care of them.
As soon as these thoughts hit, Danielle shook them away. She hated feeling bitter about fostering, seeing as how those kids had it so much worse than her. Instead, she focused on how much she wanted to be back in bed.
Once she was done with her eggs, she had about twenty minutes to get to school, so Danielle called out a goodbye to her mom and headed out the door.
She walked to school slowly, kicking rocks and humming to herself. About ten minutes into her walk, something stopped her.
A young girl was walking in front of her, holding the hand of who she assumed was her mother. The girl looked to be about four years old, dark-skinned, with a light pink backpack that bounced slightly with every step.
Danielle’s heart caught in her throat. It couldn’t be… She would know those black, short curls anywhere. Janiyah was standing in front of her, just a few feet ahead, holding the hand of her new mother.
Janiyah was one of their previous foster children, the longest that had ever stayed with them. Janiyah was with them for two months, and when she left, she took a piece of Danielle’s heart with her. This little girl was the sweetest, bravest, and funniest little girl Danielle had ever met, and she had begged her parents to adopt her when she left three weeks ago.
Of course they said no, and in the long run Danielle knew it would be better, so that they could continue fostering other kids. But she couldn’t help but miss Janiyah, and she cried for her multiple times after she left- which wasn’t something Danielle did very often.
After realizing it was her little girl, Danielle ran forward, calling out her name. The girl and her mother turned, and- of course, it wasn’t Janiyah. Janiyah was living more then an hour away with her new family.
Both the girl and her mother gave Danielle a very weird look, making Danielle turn red with shame. She crossed the street and hurried away, actually grateful that school was so close.
She debated telling Lara about what happened, but decided against it. Danielle didn’t really like sharing her feelings, especially not about her foster kids. She felt like it made her look sort of dumb, caring so much for these kids, when most of her friends couldn’t even put up with babysitting for a couple of hours. They couldn’t relate to her.
She felt her phone buzz and she pulled it out, smiling at Lara’s text.
“I look like a loser! Come save me!”
Danielle quickened her pace, walking across the school’s dry, brown front lawn as fast as she could. She came up quietly behind Lara, poking her in the sides from behind and yelling, “Boo!”
Lara jumped and screamed, making Danielle laugh and forget all about her incident on the way to school. They talked for a while (which mostly consisted of Lara yelling about the heat) until Brooke walked up. She jumped in to the conversation, Erin arrived, and they all had a good laugh (mostly at Lara’s expense) before school.
Danielle and Lara walked in together and split from Erin and Brooke to head to their lockers. They only walked for about a minute before splitting from each other to go to their own separate lockers.
As she walked, Danielle became lost in thought, thinking about Janiyah, and Javis, and basically any other foster kid that had ever come through her household. She could remember each and every one with sharp clarity, and it made her heart hurt to think about all of them.
That was the bitter of the bittersweet fostering system. These children come into your homes, and you grow attached to them, to love them, and then they’re yanked from you just when you’ve really accepted them as a part of your family.
Danielle hated it, but she would hate not fostering even more. So, she continued on with this burden weighing on her heart every single day, keeping it to herself and fighting her way through it.
She went through her locker robotically, still completely immersed in her own musings, then walked to her math class, ignoring everyone and everything around her.
As she finally slid in to her seat and stared at the warm up in front of her, her mind shifted gears into math mode, which was preferable to her, because math didn’t cause her any emotional pain.
She worked methodically, going through each step carefully, feeling proud as she got closer to completing it, especially because she was almost positive she got it all right.
Her phone buzzed in her pocket, and rolled her eyes, thinking it was probably Lara bored in her chemistry class.
She pulled it out and flipped it open, and for the second time that morning, her heart stopped.
She picked the boy up out of the crib, murmuring soothing words and rubbing his back. Danielle’s family put up foster kids until they could be moved in to a more permanent home, meaning every few weeks there were different children in the house.
Since Danielle was the one who really pushed to become a foster care family, she was the one who did the most work for them. She didn’t mind, but mornings like this, where she had been up with the baby until 1:30 in the morning already, she could feel slight regrets seeping in to her mind.
She pushed those thoughts away as she stared into the beautiful little face in front of her, and smiled at him before taking downstairs to get a bottle.
As Danielle fed him, she saw his eyes grow heavy, and sighed when she realized she had woken up for a five-minute feeding. She headed upstairs and placed him gently back in his crib.
She crawled back in to bed, drifting in and out of restless sleep for an hour-after she was up, she usually couldn’t go back to sleep. At around 6:30, she heard her mom head downstairs, so she decided it was time for her to get up and start her day as well.
Staying quiet so as not to wake the baby, she tiptoed out of her room into the bathroom across the hall, turning on the shower. Her house was air-conditioned, so she could turn the shower up as hot as she wanted.
As she waited for the shower to warm up, she brushed her teeth and tried to pull her brush through her black, all-natural curls, but after a few seconds of pain she just gave up and hoped the conditioner would help it to untangle itself.
After her shower she got dressed in her trademark basketball shorts and t-shirt- Danielle had a gorgeous body, but it was usually hiding behind her baggy clothes. Lara had tried time and time again to take her shopping and buy her some skin-tight, skimpy clothing, but it usually didn’t happen. When it did, Danielle would just buy it to humor Lara and then hide it in the back of her closet when she got home.
Danielle tried to run a comb through her locks, but she failed again and decided to pat them down with some gel, which kept them somehow tame.
After she was (somewhat) satisfied, she grabbed her backpack and headed downstairs for breakfast.
“Morning, hun,” her mother said cheerily, prodding scrambled eggs with a spatula. “Sit down, I’ll serve you some eggs.”
“Thanks, Mom,” Danielle replied, sitting at the counter and putting her face in her hands, rubbing her eyes.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I’m just tired. Javis started crying at like, 5:15 this morning.”
“Yeah, I heard. Did you get him back to sleep?”
“Mm-hmm. He just wanted a bottle.”
Her mom came around and put a plate of eggs in front of her, kissing her cheek. “I don’t know what we would do without you.”
Yeah, Danielle thought. Me neither. Danielle really did love having foster kids in the house; she loved kids and wanted to make a difference in people’s lives. It’s just that sometimes, constantly dealing with young kids on top of homework, sports, and flute practice got a little difficult. She knew that she was the one that really pushed to be a foster family, but it didn’t mean she had to be the only one taking care of them.
As soon as these thoughts hit, Danielle shook them away. She hated feeling bitter about fostering, seeing as how those kids had it so much worse than her. Instead, she focused on how much she wanted to be back in bed.
Once she was done with her eggs, she had about twenty minutes to get to school, so Danielle called out a goodbye to her mom and headed out the door.
She walked to school slowly, kicking rocks and humming to herself. About ten minutes into her walk, something stopped her.
A young girl was walking in front of her, holding the hand of who she assumed was her mother. The girl looked to be about four years old, dark-skinned, with a light pink backpack that bounced slightly with every step.
Danielle’s heart caught in her throat. It couldn’t be… She would know those black, short curls anywhere. Janiyah was standing in front of her, just a few feet ahead, holding the hand of her new mother.
Janiyah was one of their previous foster children, the longest that had ever stayed with them. Janiyah was with them for two months, and when she left, she took a piece of Danielle’s heart with her. This little girl was the sweetest, bravest, and funniest little girl Danielle had ever met, and she had begged her parents to adopt her when she left three weeks ago.
Of course they said no, and in the long run Danielle knew it would be better, so that they could continue fostering other kids. But she couldn’t help but miss Janiyah, and she cried for her multiple times after she left- which wasn’t something Danielle did very often.
After realizing it was her little girl, Danielle ran forward, calling out her name. The girl and her mother turned, and- of course, it wasn’t Janiyah. Janiyah was living more then an hour away with her new family.
Both the girl and her mother gave Danielle a very weird look, making Danielle turn red with shame. She crossed the street and hurried away, actually grateful that school was so close.
She debated telling Lara about what happened, but decided against it. Danielle didn’t really like sharing her feelings, especially not about her foster kids. She felt like it made her look sort of dumb, caring so much for these kids, when most of her friends couldn’t even put up with babysitting for a couple of hours. They couldn’t relate to her.
She felt her phone buzz and she pulled it out, smiling at Lara’s text.
“I look like a loser! Come save me!”
Danielle quickened her pace, walking across the school’s dry, brown front lawn as fast as she could. She came up quietly behind Lara, poking her in the sides from behind and yelling, “Boo!”
Lara jumped and screamed, making Danielle laugh and forget all about her incident on the way to school. They talked for a while (which mostly consisted of Lara yelling about the heat) until Brooke walked up. She jumped in to the conversation, Erin arrived, and they all had a good laugh (mostly at Lara’s expense) before school.
Danielle and Lara walked in together and split from Erin and Brooke to head to their lockers. They only walked for about a minute before splitting from each other to go to their own separate lockers.
As she walked, Danielle became lost in thought, thinking about Janiyah, and Javis, and basically any other foster kid that had ever come through her household. She could remember each and every one with sharp clarity, and it made her heart hurt to think about all of them.
That was the bitter of the bittersweet fostering system. These children come into your homes, and you grow attached to them, to love them, and then they’re yanked from you just when you’ve really accepted them as a part of your family.
Danielle hated it, but she would hate not fostering even more. So, she continued on with this burden weighing on her heart every single day, keeping it to herself and fighting her way through it.
She went through her locker robotically, still completely immersed in her own musings, then walked to her math class, ignoring everyone and everything around her.
As she finally slid in to her seat and stared at the warm up in front of her, her mind shifted gears into math mode, which was preferable to her, because math didn’t cause her any emotional pain.
She worked methodically, going through each step carefully, feeling proud as she got closer to completing it, especially because she was almost positive she got it all right.
Her phone buzzed in her pocket, and rolled her eyes, thinking it was probably Lara bored in her chemistry class.
She pulled it out and flipped it open, and for the second time that morning, her heart stopped.