Like We Did

Garrett lifts his hand to my face, brushing away a stray tear with his thumb. I can feel my lower lip begin to quiver as more tears begin to rush down my face.

“What are you talking about, Josie?” he asks me quietly, his voice barely a whisper.

I look into his eyes, trying to clear my thoughts and remember why I’m here. This is for the best. It has to be. Garrett embraces me in a hug, wrapping his arms around my waist. I quickly shake my head, pulling away from him and taking a step back.

“No Garrett,” I say hoarsely.

He gives me a confused look.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, taking a step forward, closing the space between us. “Josie, is everything okay?”

“Of course it’s not okay, Garrett!”

I cover my mouth with my hand, taking another step away from him. I can’t stand to be so close to him right now. His words make my insides melt and my heart beat rapidly, and that’s the one thing I can’t afford. Not right now, when I have to be strong. Not when I know I have to move on.

“Garrett,” I start, avoiding his eyes. “I’m… I, uh… I’m leaving.”

He doesn’t respond, leaving a long silence between us that threatens to strangle me. I refuse to look up, refuse to look up into those eyes of his that I know will change my mind with one pointed look. I can’t and I won’t.

“And I’m not coming back. Not for a while, at least.”

“So what does that mean for us?” I hear him ask quietly.

I simply shake my head, and apparently that’s all the answer he needs because he’s already halfway out the door. I walk slowly to the window, just in time to see him getting into his bright yellow car. My shoulders shake as I let out a sob, quickly turning away so that I don’t see him go. We were never anything special, Garrett and I, but I can’t help but think that maybe I made a mistake. Maybe we could have made it after all. But what’s done is done, so I ignore the aching feeling that’s eating away at my insides.

I lay back, letting my feet dangle over the edge of the dock, lightly skimming the water. I remember coming here when I was in high school. It was a place to think, a place to be myself… I smile, thinking of the time I brought Garrett here. But that smile quickly fades as I look back on the day’s events. Lunch hasn’t even come around and I’m an emotional wreck. That’s what he does to me. His eyes, electrifying, seem to see straight through me. People always told me I was an open book, but no one ever got me like Garrett did.

I close my eyes, pushing Garrett from my mind. I don’t need him. I have Oliver, and I’m content with that. I twist the ring on my left hand. I told him I didn’t want such a big ring. I wanted something simple, but Oliver being Oliver, he insisted on the biggest one we could find. It’s too heavy though, like it’s weighing me down. A frustrated sigh escapes my lips. I shouldn’t have come back to Arizona, even if it is for just a week.

My old friends resent me, my sister doesn’t understand me anymore and I have no idea how I’m going to tell my parents I’m getting married. No one ever understood why I left Tempe in the first place. I don’t think anyone ever really understood me at all. Leaving was the only thing I could do. It was the only thing that made sense at the time. Garrett and I weren’t good for each other. I was the only one who could see it, though.

The sun is almost completely gone from the sky when I leave the lake. I climb in my car, frowning as I make the familiar trip back home. It’s only after I park my car in front of the house that I look at my phone, which is now filled with texts and voicemails, most of them from Gabi.

I toss my phone into my bag, walking up the driveway and through the front door, only to come face to face with her. I glare at her, making sure that she understands just how upset I am with her.

“Josie, don’t be mad,” she says quickly.

“How could I not be mad?” I scoff, crossing my arms. “You had no right to do what you did.”

“No right? You had no right to break his heart for no reason, Josie! You broke his heart! You just weren’t here to see the damage!”

“Don’t you dare put this on me, Gabi. I had my reasons.”

She simply stares at me, and I begin to squirm in discomfort. After a few moments, I simply push past her, rushing up the stairs and to my room. I fall onto my bed, burying my face in my hands. I eventually begin to drift off to sleep, letting everything that’s happened in the past twenty four hours become a distant dream.