The Kind of Hoax That Leaves a Lump in Your Throat

I awoke the next morning with someone pressed up against me from behind, their arm slung across my waist. Memories of last night flooded through my brain and I groaned louder than intended when the pain surfaced in my head.

The arm tightened around me and their lips came closer to my ear.

“Everything alright vi?” josh said and my heart began to flutter.

“My brain feels like it’s gonna fall out of my head” I managed to croak out and he laughed before sitting up.

“I’ll go get you some pain killers, just wait here” he said, pulling on his jeans from the night before and trudging downstairs. I sat up, realising I was just in my underwear and looked for something to cover up in. Josh’s shirt from last night was just within reach so I slipped it on and he then emerged in the door way.

He sat on the bed in front of me, handing over a glass of water and some pills. I swallowed them quickly, willing them to kick in fast and then josh gave me my other pills. I downed the water with them and set the glass on the side.

“Thanks” I smiled and he smiled back, almost shyly.

“It’s alright”

The early morning sun was peeking its way through the curtains, lighting up that face I loved so much. I wanted the feeling of his arms around me again desperately.

Instead he reached out with one hand, entwining our fingers together, and with the other hand he brushed some hair from my face. I looked up into his eyes and I could see what was coming next.

His gaze dropped to my lips and back up to my eyes before he leaned in, pressing his lips ever so gently to mine, almost as if seeking permission. It was gentle and slightly innocent. He was so careful, scared almost, with me, like I might break. There was something new here; the way we kissed had a new feeling. It wasn’t lust or want: it was love. Pure and simple. It seemed to come from somewhere deep inside, bubbling up and spilling over into the other person.

I’d waited so long to feel his lips against mine again, and he sure enough didn’t disappoint. We pulled apart breathless, his hand still cupping my face, and just looked at each other for a few minutes, our foreheads resting on each other. He kissed the end of my nose before pulling back and taking my other hand in his.

“Do you remember when you were still with Sonnie, and he went away for the weekend so we spent it together?”

“Yeah, I cried pretty much the whole time” I said, laughing lightly at the memory. I’d felt so guilty the whole time I was with josh and I hated it. But I knew in my heart I would have hated it more if we hadn’t have sent that time together.

“Well remember when I said that I’d wait for you, because I knew that one day we’d spend our lives together?”

“I remember” I said quietly, not knowing where he was trying to go with this.

“Well I meant it” he said, looking right into my eyes. He then reached into his pocket and pulled out the ring I’d given him back those moths before. “I’ve kept this with me every day, waiting for the right moment to give it back. I was gonna do it last night but you were slightly out of it” he said with a slight chuckle and I blushed hiding my head. “But I think now’s a good time, so will you please wear this again?” he asked, his face full of hope.

I just nodded and he slipped it onto the finger I used to wear it on before kissing me again quickly.

“Thank you” I smiled and he just shook his head with a smile on his lips that told everyone who saw it how happy he was.

“No thank you” he winked before getting up. “You wanna go out for breakfast before work?” he asked and I nodded. “Ok, just wait for me to get outside before you start undressing this time yeah?”

I could feel the heat rising in my face, but before I had a chance to utter out any kind of excuse he was talking again.

“Don’t worry about it love, nothing I haven’t seen before” he said winking before leaving the room and going across to the bathroom.

And I thought my face could not get any redder.

I dressed quickly and by the time I was done josh came out of the bathroom. It was only then I noticed how different he looked. I must have given him a funny look because he quickly assessed himself and gave me the some look back.

“There something wrong with me?”

“No, sorry I just. It’s nothing. Um your stuff from last night is there” I said pointing to the neatly folded pile on the bed. “But there’s some clean stuff that you left in my wardrobe. If it still fits” I added the last part under my breath hoping he wouldn’t notice, but as I passed him to go to the bathroom he grabbed my wrist and made me stand in front of him.

“And what is that supposed to mean?”

“Sorry, it’s just, you look a bit slimmer than before, a lot in fact. You ok?”

“My love, I’m fine. It’s sweet to know you’re concerned but there is nothing wrong”

“Then how are you so much thinner now”

“Nothing. I’ve just been a bit more active as of late. Look, finish getting ready and we’ll talk about it later, yeah?” he said and went over to my wardrobe.

I went to the bathroom and did what I needed to and met josh in the hallway. He grabbed my hand and kissed my hand with the ring on it before we set off.

I was itching to talk to him about what was going on now, so I tried to casually slip it into conversation. He knew what I was doing straight away though.

“Oh come on just tell me” I wined. “What does ‘being more active as of late’ mean because to me it sounds like you’ve been doing something you shouldn’t” I said to him with a wink.

“Yeah well that’s just your dirty mind” he said before pulling me into the café and telling me to sit whilst he ordered. He came back and I gave him a look that told him I wanted answers. “Alright” he huffed and took my hand again. “I know it was my idea to take a break but I didn’t take it too well. I needed something to keep me occupied instead of just sitting and thinking. I just felt like I needed to get away. So I started running. I just like the freedom of it; it feels like just for a bit I could get away from everything”

I squeezed his hand gently and he smiled lightly at me.

“I’m sorry josh”

“Its not you, it was me. It’s a distraction.”

“So you still do it?”

“When I can, I’m used to it now and I like the rush it gives me”

“Well if its making you look like that I might have to join you sometime”

“You’re skinny enough as it is” he said and I jutted out my bottom lip.

“What about the hair then?” I asked and he ran his hand through his much shorter hair.

“It was getting to long and annoying me, plus I’ve had hair style since I was like 14”

“Well I like the new you. Even if I do miss you’re pudginess” I commented. If I was honest he looked like I whole new person. His jaw was more defined, his arms and legs looked like toothpicks, but he was still the same old josh inside and that’s all that mattered.

He laughed at my statement and then a waitress came over with our orders. She placed a heaping fry up in front of me and two slices of toast in front of josh.

I raised an eyebrow at him and he looked slightly guilty but just shrugged his shoulders. “What?”

“So you on a total health kick or something? Thanks for making me look like the fattest person in here” I joked.

“No I’m just not hungry” he said a moved the conversation onto a different subject. I made a mental note to talk to Dan about josh because he really wasn’t acting like himself right now.

After we ate josh walked me to work and when I got inside Zahra was sat there talking to Barns. He turned when I came in and gave m a sympathetic look.

“Rough night?” he asked

“Piss off”

“I’ll take that as a yes”

“I didn’t think you were booked in for today”

“I’m not I’m just booking in advance. Josh needs a shoot for his new range”

“Oh yeah I remember him saying something about that” I commented sitting behind the desk.

“Ok so I’m thinking not this Tuesday coming, but the Tuesday after. Is he free then?” he asked me like I knew his schedule.

“I presume so”

“Well he’ll have to be because I’m not changing” he wrote it in the book and then put it in his phone before saying his goodbyes.

Work was slow, but when the time came to go, josh was outside waiting to walk me home. Zahra had left about 10 minutes before claiming she had to meet Oakley urgently.

So josh and I walked home hand in hand. He told me about his day which was far more interesting than mine and I told him about the shoot tom booked. Thankfully josh was free.

“What you doing next Saturday evening?” he asked me before letting go of my hand and wrapping his arm around my waist.

“Nothing I don’t think, why?”

“Well Elissa’s got a gig and she said she really wants you there. Plus the rents have been asking after you, you gonna come?”

“Under one condition” I said. We stopped then and he stood in front of me, placing his hands on my waist and I placed mine on his chest.

“Anything”

“Well my rents are coming over sometime next week, you know to see coral and stuff, but they wanna take us all out for dinner. You in?”

“As long as it’s free” he winked. “I joke; of course I’ll be there” he said and dipped his head to kiss me. We walked home talking about stupid things. When we got to the door I asked him to come in but he said he had stuff to do and would call me later.

Now josh an I were pretty much back to normal I wanted him around more and my face must have dropped cause he tilted it up so I could look at him.

“What’s wrong my gorgeous girl?”

“Nothing just… when are you coming home?” I said in a whisper.

He kissed my forehead and pulled me into him, stroking my hair lightly. I felt so safe with him and I held on for dear life.

“Soon, I promise” he whispered and I just nodded.

“I don’t wanna push you or rush things again I just…“

“Hey I know. I feel the same way” he said sadly. “We’ll work this out I promise.” He kissed me once more before leaving me on the doorstep. I watched him walk away until I couldn’t see him anymore and that’s when the emptiness settled in.