Letting Go

Jimmy sat on the stool, tilting his head back and letting the light brown alcohol crawl it's way down his throat. The burning sensation of the Jack didn't bother him any longer; this was his eighth shot tonight. He was in a somber mood as always, and being the sad drunk he is didn't help.

The painful words spoken by Brian from earlier that evening still rang throughout his head.

"Dude, you know I love you, but it's been two fucking years. You need to get your act together and forget about him."

Letting out a frustrated huff, Jimmy slapped cash on the counter, not caring if he put down too much. The cheap bar needed to be fixed up a bit anyways. Jimmy stood up from his stool and walked out of the crappy place, and into the night air. California always had warm nights- especially in the summer- so he had no worry about going home cold.

Jimmy walked down the sidewalk, his hands in his pockets, reminiscing about all the great times he and his- now ex- boyfriend spent on these streets. A small, sad smile made it's way onto his face as he remembered the great times. He felt the tears make their slow travel down his face, but he didn't even try to wipe them; they'd just find their way back somehow.

When Jimmy arrived at his house, he unlocked the door, finding it already unlocked. Jimmy furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, but brushed it off. He must of wanted to get wasted so bad he'd forgotten to lock his door. No harm no foul, right?

Jimmy was pretty tired, so he decided to go to bed. He'll take a shower in the morning.

"I give my heart to you, I give my heart 'cause nothing can compare in this world to you, whoa..." Jimmy sang to himself sadly, lifting his shirt over his head as he made his way up the stairs, towards his bedroom. Despite how much Jimmy hated sleeping with his clothes on- besides boxers of course-, Jimmy knew once he saw his bed he'd jump into it and pass out right away.

Though, when he walked into his bedroom, he saw something- or someone, actually- he wasn't expecting to see any time soon; if ever again.

The man sitting on his bed wasn't the same man he remembered from two years ago. He was looking a lot more mature, a lot more- dare he say- adult. He still dressed the same, though. A simple black leather jacket over a white t-shirt. A pair of gray jeans accompanied with a black studded belt, and the traditional Chuck Taylors. His hair was different, though, now he has a mohawk, opposed to the blonde and black patched hair he had once before. Aviators adorned his eyes, blocking Jimmy's sight of his gorgeous eyes.

"J-Johnny?" Jimmy choked out, suddenly feeling very self-conscious in only a pair of loosely hung basketball shorts. Sure, his former boyfriend had seen a lot more than Jimmy's chest, but still. He hasn't seen his ex in two years. And Jimmy had just been singing, which Johnny probably heard.

"Hi Jimmy," Johnny whispered. That voice.. Dear God it's been too long. Jimmy's missed his voice so much. Sure, it's been plaguing his mind ever since that day two years ago, but it sounds way better in real life.

"What are you doing here?" Jimmy asked. He wanted Johnny to say he'd been trying to move on but he couldn't without Jimmy. He wanted Johnny to kiss him like he used to. He wanted Johnny to be his again. He just wanted Johnny. But Jimmy didn't get his hopes up.

"Well, I met this guy, and-"

Jimmy snarled. "You just came by after two years to tell me about your love life? To rub it in my face? Well no thanks; I don't need to hear how good you've had it." Johnny was shocked, but didn't show it. Jimmy never used to snap at him; or any of the guys really. Surely Jimmy hasn't been hung up on him, right? Jimmy was the one who cheated, not the other way around.

"Jimmy, no. It's not like that."

"Then what is it?!" Jimmy shouted, suddenly feeling very angry. Johnny looked like he hadn't even been affected in any way by the break-up. As if he never felt anything for Jimmy. He wanted Johnny to feel all the pain Jimmy's been going through, all the nights where he couldn't sleep because he was too busy crying, sobbing his heart out. He wanted Johnny to feel how it was to have your heart ripped out of his chest, leaving a dark, empty hole where his heart used to be, full of love and adoration.

Johnny flinched at Jimmy's sudden outburst, but continued anyways. "I want you to come to my wedding." Johnny whispered, standing up and handing Jimmy a small folded card, gold letters spelling out; Johnathan Lewis Seward and Leo Andrew Scotts marriage. There was a small gold bow on the card, too.

All the anger drained from Jimmy's body. Immediately it was refilled with sadness. Jimmy wanted to curl up in a ball and cry himself to sleep. He felt like someone had replaced his heart with glass and then shattered it. Jimmy was still staring at the card as he started crying again. Johnny was really leaving him, for good. He had no chance with him now. He was going to get married. And it wasn't to Jimmy.

"Jimmy... You're crying..." Johnny whispered, moving closer to the taller boy cautiously. He wanted to wipe away Jimmy's tears just like Jimmy used to do to him, but he knew he was in no place to show affection to his ex boyfriend. So, Johnny just stood there somewhat awkwardly, watching the one man who held his heart before cry.

Jimmy snapped out of his depressed stance and wiped his tears. "I'll be there." Jimmy finally concluded. The statement shocked Johnny. Sure, he had wanted Jimmy to come and even told his fiance about him inviting him- which annoyed Leo, by the way- but he never in a million years expected Jimmy to actually want to come.

"R-Really?"

"Yeah, of course. I've always wanted to watch you walk down the aisle; even if it isn't to me." Jimmy whispered the last part, but Johnny heard nonetheless.

"Oh, Jimmy..." Johnny nearly whined, feeling bad the broken man. He couldn't help but want to just kiss Jimmy. He knew that was wrong on so many levels, especially because he just invited the tattooed man to his own wedding... But he would be lying if he said he didn't miss Jimmy. Jimmy was Johnny's first love; he always will be. He missed Jimmy's laugh, Jimmy's smile, cuddling with Jimmy, and most of all, making love with Jimmy.

Sure, Leo had a great laugh, smile, he was great at cuddling and sex, but whenever he had sex with Leo, it just felt different. Maybe it was because Jimmy and Johnny had been friends for years before they got together, maybe it was the fact that Jimmy had always made Johnny feel beautiful, not just good in bed. But it didn't matter. Johnny was marrying Leo, and Jimmy was his past. Leo was his future.

Jimmy cleared his throat. "So I'll see you there?" Jimmy mumbled, staring at his sock-clad feet. Johnny nodded.

"Just remember," Johnny said, stepping closer to Johnny, so they were nearly touching. "I love you, and I always will. You were my first love, and I gave you everything. Leo and I will never had what you and I had." Johnny finished, looking up at the older, taller man.

"Then why are you marrying him?" Jimmy asked in a whisper, scared of the answer. "Why not me?" Jimmy's hand found Johnny's, and he laced their fingers for the first time in years. Both men felt the shock, but neither of them noted on it.

Johnny unlaced their fingers, making Jimmy's mood sadder. "Because you broke my heart," Johnny mumbled. "And I can't take that chance again." Johnny stood on his tip-toes and pressed his lips lightly to his ex-lover's cheek. "I'll see you later, Jimmy."

Jimmy turned his head, watching Johnny leave the room. He wanted to grab his arm and beg him to not marry this Leo guy, but he was all choked up. His throat was tight, holding back tears bound to escape. As the door slammed shut, the tears broke through. A sob escaped Jimmy mouth, and he stumbled to his bed, letting the invitation flutter to the floor.

Johnny was really leaving him. Forever. He'll never have a chance now. It'll be so different now; whenever he'll see Johnny, he'll see him hanging all over his husband. Johnny's husband who isn't himself.

Just as sleep overtook Jimmy's body, he said the four words that he'd wanted to say hours ago, just before Johnny left. "Please don't leave me,"