You're Not a Little Girl Anymore

I don't understand.

That was exactly what I was expecting. Those words to pass through his lips. Not because he didn't get it, not because he was confused, but because I knew exactly what he thought of me all those years back then. He thought I was that little girl who didn't have a problem handing the rest of her life to someone with trust. The girl that wouldn't doubt something so pure, just like herself.

That was exactly what my mother told me before I left. She told me that right after mass one Sunday, a long time ago, he went up to his mother and asked her why I was so.. so innocent. His mother couldn't answer.

"We all have our doubts." He murmured, leaning forward and grazing his palm on my cheek. I quickly retracted.

Instead of answering, his mother smiled at the young Tim and ask him why he thought this. He replied, saying that everytime that young girl walked in it was like there was a halo wrapped around her head. Like she was glowing with happiness and love wherever she went. He even asked his mother if it was possible that God could fall in love with one of us.

"But you just have to have trust." He told me, giving up on skin contact.

I blatantly showed my frown. "It's not that easy."

"It doesn't have to be God for you to trust. Let's try something smaller, something more basic." He held his hand out, giving another attempt at some kind of contact between us, "How about we start with trusting each other?"



"What's a bronco, anyways?" I asked with a smile. I picked at my fries, eating one every now and then.

"An untrained horse." He took a bite from his burger.

It had been a week since I decided to trust Tim and it was going well. He avoided the topic of the past and left me out of religious events. We started a routine where he would pick me up after class instead of me having to take the bus. It saved me money on bus passes and I really appreciated it.

With the semester coming to an end I didn't need rides from him, but I would have a large amount of free time for part time jobs and cool opportunities. I just didn't know if Tim was going to be part of that equation. I was kind of hoping we could hang out a lot more over semester break.

"How did you know that?" I asked curiously.

"They quizzed us in training camp." He grinned before taking a sip of his coke. I didn't respond so he chose to speak, "I'm thinking of visiting Jacksonville for a week or so."

I took in his words carefully. Showing emotion would be too revealing but if I were to then I wouldn't know what kind of emotion I'd like to express.

"If you'd like, you can tag along." He finished.