Alexithymia

Kim held her finger over his name, almost afraid to pressed call. What would he say when he answered? They hadn’t spoken much and since there was a huge divide with their friends there wasn’t really a reason for them to stay in contact. But the past few days she has felt incredibly lonely, almost sickly lonely. Nick had been around once to bring her food, they ended up settling down on the couch and eating Chinese before Eric called him to let him know all the guys were going out for drinks. The thought that John was going to be there made her a little queasy. Regardless of how John acted towards her, love isn’t something you can just throw away. Not their love.
Sleeping with Austin was a huge mistake. Everybody makes mistakes right? She was so mad at John for not listening to her about the abortion and leaving in a huff and she was lonely with a bottle of tequila and Austin was around.
She told John.
Maybe it wasn’t good idea but she had to. The guilt was eating her. Kim remembered his eyes turning dark and his face draining of colour. She honestly thought he was going to hit her. She was so scared.

Kim shook out of her thoughts and looked down at her phone again. Taking a chance she pressed dial. After a few rings, the raspy Texas accent answered with a Hello.
“Shit I’m so sorry your probably sleeping” she rambled
“No no, just hung-over” he chuckled and the sound of him sitting up could be heard.
“Long time no speak, to what pleasure do I owe this call?” he continued, instantly bringing a smile to her face.
“I just....needed someone to talk to”
“And I’m all that’s around” he finished her sentence, not with a tone of anger but with sympathy.
“Yeah” she whispered
“How’s it all been?”
“You know, pretty boring around these parts, how’s tour?”
“Kim, you know what I’m talking about” Austin replied sternly
Kim sighed, “Awful, there’s no other word but that”
“Is he really making it that bad?”
“It’s just going to be a real messy divorce, there’s a lot of money and property involved and with John always on tour...”
“I’m really sorry darling, I am, I wish I could be there. This is all my fault” he said softly and Kim could imagine him rubbing his tired eyes,
“Don’t be Austin, it was my fault to, takes two to tango” Kim replied
“I think it was more of a Rumba” Austin answered and the two couldn’t help but crack a smile at his bad joke.
“Where are you now?”
“I’m actually in Maine, funny that” he answered
Kim settled herself down in her bed with her phone still pressed to her ear, still talking to Austin.
They stayed up talking all night, Kim felt safe, not feeling so alone.

John’s head hurt. He knew the night before was a bad idea but strangely he didn’t care. He heard Eric moving around in the kitchen outside and did his best to ignore the obscene amount of noise he was creating.
In an attempt to make John, John again, even for one night, they had climbed into the graffiti covered van was every type of alcohol, and with Tim as the sober driver, drove around Arizona. For a moment the guys thought they had the old John back.
This morning it was as if he had taken two very large steps backwards.
Looking up at the ceiling, he felt strangely spacious. Having Kim in his bed meant he always had one side of the bed, but he never minded, it meant he could curl up into her side. But without her here, John could spread out.
He didn’t like it.
Eric soon popped his head in.
“It’s time to go John”

Kim was lying on the floor of the apartment, staring at the patch of ceiling that was covered in paint that spread down to the adjacent wall. Her and John always planned to create a mural. It started off as a drunken ambition on a night full of tequila but it soon become a project for the two. Of course it was never finished.
There was a knock at the door. Kim didn’t want to answer it. If it was important they would come back another time. But she soon heard the rattling of the lock. They had found the spare key. Any normal person would be slightly worried by they but at this point she didn’t care.
Footsteps entered the apartment and stood over her.
“What are you doing?”
“I felt so low I thought I should get on the floor”
“And do you feel better?” he asked
“Strangely no, I need to feel lower, I’m guessing that’s why your here” Kim answered sarcastically, looking into his deep brown eyes. He hadn’t shaved for a few days, the way the girls liked it.
“I just came to talk”
“I didn’t answer the door, take the hint”
“I know where your spare key is”
“Because I told you”
“It’s a horrible hiding spot”
“Touché” she replied, remembering that she put the key above the door frame.
“You need to sign the papers Kim, this war needs to end”
A statement like that would normally set Kim off, but laying on the floor staring up at their unfinished project, she didn’t care.
“Kenny, why are you doing his dirty work?”
“Please get up off the floor”
“No I like the view down here”
“Better or worse?”
“Well when your this low, everything is always looking up”