Alexithymia

She came home from shopping and had to carry the bags up on her own. Something he always helped her with. As she reached her door she saw a post it note stuck to her door.

Hey you didn't answer my calls so I came past, call me back - Halvo.

Kim angrily ripped the note off and pushed her way into the appartment. She dumped her bags on the bench, her appertite gone.
She trudged into the bathroom and stared at her reflection. She was never the most beautiful girl in the world, she didn't stop peoples gaze and she wasn't fawned over. Compared to some of the girls that threw themselves at john, she was nothing. She didn't have amazing tanned skin and legs that went on for days, she was just Kim, average Kim. It often made her really insecure But John always reassured her that he chose her for a reason and that she was all his. 
She never died her hair, it was the same blonde it had always been. Everyone said they loved it but she was bored with it. It used I hang down her back but she had recently cut it off to just past her shoulders. Her nose was littered with freckles, another thing she hated but he adored. The only thing she really like about herself were her eyes. They were big and blue, they changed colour with her mood, dark when she was pissed, bright when she was happy and ice blue when she cried. 
Staring at herself in the mirror now, she saw none of that. Her hair had turned dull and lifeless, she stopped taking care of it and it hadn't seen sun. Her eyes were a dark grey, all the time and her face looked drained and sick. 
Throwing open the cabinet she swallowed back two antidepressants . They didn't do much anymore but she still took them.

People always asked her how they had ended up this way. She knew why, it was her fault, all her fault. 
She was just lonely. It was the longest tour John had ever been on. 
The only argument she had was that she told him. At least she didnt keep it from them. Kim didn't expect that moment to be the end of them. They were supposed to work it out, like they always did. 

Walking back into the main living room, she carried the dreaded yellow envelop in her hand. 
As she placed it on the table, getting ready to sit down, a knock sounded at the door. She silently thanked god and made her way over to the door. Kim always cursed the previous owners of the apartment for not putting in a peep hole. It would have saved her in this instance. 
She opened the door to be met with Halvos face.
She quickly tried to close it but was too quick, putting his hand up and pushing his way into the apartment. 
"what do you want halvo?" she seethed
"you've ignored all my calls and my visits"
"take a hint" Kim hissed 
"come on Kim, stop, at least I tried"
She had to give it to him, even if it was only for Johns benefit, at least he was making contact, unlike the others.
She nodded slowly.
"yeah" she answered 
"so how are you going?" he asked
"I dunno, as good as I can be halvo" she shrugged her shoulders. 
Halvo nodded and stuffed his hands in his pockets. 
"are you here for a reason?" she asked 
"um John wants some of his stuff back" he cut straight to chase 
"no, if that fucker wants any of his things back, he can get the balls to come and do it himself" Kim snapped back
"come on Kim"
"no, this is my house to, and I have rights to it"
"it's his house as well" halvo chanlenged 
"was" Kim retaliated, 

as her signature was swiped across the paper and Johns followed, she couldn't wipe the smile off her face. This was their home. It belonged to them.
John swept her off her feet and carried her into the appartment, kicking the door open and close with his foot.
"baby, we did it" Kim smiled and pressed her lips against his
"fuck I know! I love you" he answered with his crooked grin
"I love you to" Kim replied
John picked her up and kissed her again and carried her towards the bedroom to christen the first room of the house

Halvo looked at her with pleading eyes, only making Kim want to tear them out his head.
"what does he want?" 
"his guitar from the bedroom? And CD collection, for now"
Kim sighed and led Halvo to the bedroom.
"there it is" she pointed to the guitar in the corner of the room.
He used to play it for her all the time, she would wake up to the sweet sound of him playing most mornings. She still liked waking up and seeing it sit there.
Halvo picked it up and collected the case. 
Kim then proceeded to the CD case.
"what ones does he want?" she asked
"his" he simply replied
"well we share alot of them" Kim crossed her arms
Halvo pulled out Tom petty, death cab for cutie, ivory and his classic rock collection
"NO! He cannot take my ivory cd!" Kim snapped
"it's his Kim" halvo answered.
Kim remembered him bringing the cd to her house an playing it for her, making her fall in love with ivory. That cd had been with them through everything. 
It hurt her to see it walk out the door but the anger soon replaced that.
"tell that fucker to grown some balls and come get his stuff back himself" she yelled after Halvo.
she closed the door and fell against the back of it and cried.