Days Go By

It’s funny. When you’re used to waking up next to someone, someone you have to share a bed with, someone who rolls around in the middle of the night and snores and is a terrible sleeping partner all around, you would think that when you finally get to sleep by yourself you should be sleeping better.

Should be being the key word, though, because I was not sleeping better. I had a giant king size bed all to myself and I was sleeping worse now than I was several months ago when there was another warm body beside me.

I rolled over and stared at the alarm clock on my bedside table, the alarm clock that was angrily blinking 5:38 AM at me. As if it knew that I had another hour or so I could have been sleeping but was instead laying in bed, wide awake, while I watched the sunlight get increasingly brighter as it shined through the blinds hanging from the wall of windows that my bedroom consisted of. At the time of purchase, that wall of windows had been a selling point to me. Now, it irritated the hell out of me after only a few short months.

I continued to toss and turn for another hour, not wanting to face the fact that I had to bare another day of work, before I climbed out of my warm bed. I slipped into my slippers and grabbed my phone off its charger before heading out into my kitchen.

I lived alone. I could wake up whenever I wanted, brew coffee without worrying about waking someone up, and sing along to my music at the top of my lungs. I could walk around naked if I wanted to, as long as I kept my blinds relatively closed. I could watch whatever TV I wanted, whenever I wanted, and I could eat take-out every single night if I wanted to! I had free reign living by myself, and sometimes that was a beautiful thing.

But on this particular day, it was not in any way, shape, or form beautiful. It was lonely, and as I stepped foot into my kitchen and turned my coffee maker on, I silently started to cry thinking about what my life could have been, should have been like.

This was what I had become, and I hated every minute of it.

&&&

Once I pulled myself together and showered, I got ready for work. This meant putting on some skirt and blouse and pulling out a pair of heels, putting on make-up, and doing my hair. I didn’t dress elaborately for work, considering I worked in a PR firm and being formal wasn’t on the top of the priorities list, but still. A skirt, a blouse, and heels were apart of my usual uniform, and I was okay with that.

Despite hating going to work as of late, I really did love my job. I loved where I worked, and I enjoyed most of my coworkers. I liked working at the PR firm, I really did. We worked with various aspects of entertainment, whether that was an author, a musician, or even movie stars when we were really lucky, as well as other businesses throughout Baltimore. Having been a marketing major in college, I was in charge of helping design various things for our clients, and I loved it. I got to be creative and have fun with my ideas, and it was more than I could ever ask for.

Except for today. Because as I got ready for work, I couldn’t help but remember what today was.

December first. It had already been six months. Six months ago, I had been preparing for the wedding of my dreams. At twenty-four years old, I thought I was going to marry the man of my dreams. Instead, I was several months shy of 25, single, and living alone.

I was trying to be happy, but the universe had other plans. That dirty, rotten bitch.

&&&

I pushed the door open into the lobby of the building, waving hello to Mark at the desk as I hurried into the elevator just as it was closing. I smiled at the boys crowding around me, a public necessity when all I felt like doing was crawling into a ball and crying.

“What are we doing here again?” one of the boys spoke as we waited patiently for the elevator to drop us off on our desired floor.

“The label wants you guys to have a publicist, so we’re getting a publicist,” the other boy told him.

I internally groaned. New clients, meaning my boss Rob would pawn them off on me. Barely five minutes in the building and I was going to have to deal with people. Fantastic.

We reached the fifth floor and it beeped, the doors sliding open slowly. I stepped out and of course the boys in the elevator with me climbed out behind me. They stopped at the desk, where the intern Maggie sat. Her firey red corkscrew curls twirled around her fingers while she chewed on a piece of gum and basically ignored her job. She was a nice girl but... well, she was a ditz. She greeted them but I didn’t stick around and instead headed right to my office.

Considering I was the head designer for websites and whatever else I was needed to design. Newsletters, websites, flyers for whatever... you needed it, I made it. Because of this, and because I was pretty high up on the food chain, I had my own office. The only plus to this was having a door I could close to drown out the rest of the office. Really, that was it.

I shut my door and walked over to my desk once I hung up my coat on the fancy coat rack by the door. I set my bag on my desk and walked around it before I plopped myself down in my chair. I knew I had probably a hundred emails to check and respond to, so I got to work.

When I was in the middle of deleting the junk emails, there was a knock on my door. I sighed and stopped deleting, looked up, and called out, “Come in!”

Maggie opened the door carefully and stepped inside, gesturing to whoever was following her. “You have a new client meeting, Miss Simmons.”

Miss. I cringed internally when I heard Maggie utter the word and nodded at the boys who walked into my office. “Shut the door please, Mags,” I called to her as she walked out.

I stood at my desk and walked around it, sticking my hand out for the boys to shake. “Hello, I’m Lily Simmons.”

The one boy, gauges in his ears and a pair of black rimmed glasses on his face, shook my hand first. “I’m Matt Flyzik, and this is Alex Gaskarth,” he said, gesturing to the boy beside him.

“I’m in a band, All Time Low. The record label we belong to told us to find a publicist that was close to our home, and we’re based out of Baltimore so--”

I cut him off, smiling. “So you came to the right place. We do a lot of local-only business, so I definitely understand. Your label had their head in the right place.” I gestured to the seats in front of my desk and told the boys to take a seat before I walked back around and sat in my own chair.

“So, let’s get down to business.”

&&&

Several hours later, I was walking out of my office with the boys in front of me. “I’m glad you guys came in! This is going to be fun, you’ll be fun to work with.” My smile was tight, but I was trying, I really was. They were nice guys, and they weren’t picky or difficult to work with at all. I was glad to have them as my client, but in all honesty? I was tired. I was just plain tired.

“So we’ll make an appointment to come in next week to talk more? Maybe the whole band can come in this time,” Matt said to me when we reached Maggie’s desk.

I nodded. “Yep! Just talk to Maggie. I’m pretty open next week so whenever works for you works for me!”

I said a quick goodbye to the guys before I headed back to my office. I checked the clock, which said 12:35, grabbed my phone and my purse and headed back out. I didn’t feel like sitting in my office alone eating, and I definitely didn’t want to sit in the break room where I knew my co-workers would be gossiping about anything and everyone. I just didn’t feel like putting up with it, pretending I was interested, or ignoring it altogether.

So I left.

Down the block from my office was Java Joe’s, a small bistro where the sandwiches were in abundance and also pretty delicious. It had been my lunch destination a lot at one point in time, but it had been awhile since I had made a stop. As I stepped inside, I smiled. Maybe this was good. Maybe this meant I was moving on or... something.

“Half a Raven croissant, a strawberry smoothie, and chips please,” I ordered once I got through the line and to the counter. I handed the cashier some bills and once she handed over my change, I stepped off to the side to wait for my food.

I was spaced out. I know I was. I tended to do that a lot, and standing in Java Joe’s made me think back to last year when my life made sense, back to when I thought I knew what I was doing.

“Miss?” The boy behind the counter said, bringing me back to reality. “Here’s your order.”

I smiled and thanked him before grabbing my food and smoothie and headed over to a table tucked away in a corner of the bistro, away from everyone else. I started to eat, pulling my phone out of my purse and setting it on the table in case anything earth-shattering happened in the next twenty minutes that it took me to finish my lunch.

I zoned out again, eating my food and sipping my smoothie while I mindlessly stared at my phone, as if it were going to give me the answers to my life dilemmas. As if anyone or anything could do that.

And then I heard his voice.

“Lily? Lil, that you?”

My head snapped up and I stared at him. I hadn’t seen him for a few months, after another coincidental run in much like the one we were having now. Awkward, and only a few minutes long, but we still had it and I could still remember every minute of it. I shook my head and smiled at him, as if that was what I wanted to do. Smile, smile, smile, everything’s just peachy. “Mike! Uh, hi!” I waved awkwardly, because I didn’t know what else to do.

“How have you been?” he asked as he stuck his hands in the pocket of his dress pants.

I nodded. “Good, good. Uh, you?”

He smiled and nodded. “Really good, thanks. Work still good?”

I nodded. “Real good, thanks.”

He gave me a short nod before he just smiled at me for a few minutes. “Well, it was great seeing you. We should get lunch sometime!”

I smiled and nodded, fake-enthusiasm dripping from my voice. “Definitely!”

“I’ll see you, Lily,” Mike said before giving me a small wave and heading out of the shop.

I watched as he walked out, meeting up with a girl outside of the restaurant. I felt a pang of jealousy before I picked up my phone and sent a message to my best friend.

Ex-fiance sighting. Major setback. Need girls night ASAP.

I sighed as I set my phone down and took a sip of my smoothie.

This was my life. Wake up. Feel lonely. Go to work. Have coincidental run-in with ex-fiance. Have internal mental breakdown. Rinse, and repeat.

My phone buzzed on the table and I picked it up. I read the message with a smile, thanking God for my best friend.

I’ll bring the vodka and ice cream, you get the horror movies, and I’ll see you tonight.