Catch Up With Fate

In terms of hockey the weekend probably kind of sucked for Viktor. Yes, they won the game in Detroit, but this game against Philly was at 11.30am, so he probably only had a few hours of sleep before he headed to the rink for that game. Whoever made schedules like that... idiot. I only saw him for a few minutes between me stumbling out of the guest room after I had accidentally fallen back asleep a lot earlier and him getting ready to leave. It wasn’t nearly enough time to thank him for the flowers again.

“Good luck,” I told him, following him to the front door with a glass of OJ in my hand. “Knock ‘em on their ugly orange asses.”

Viktor let out a laugh. “Pretty sure you wouldn’t tell me that if we were playing the other Pennsylvania team.”

“Pretty sure,” I nodded in agreement, grinning. “Oh, by the way Adam and Hayden say ‘nice game’. Hayden practically salivated when we finished in time to watch the 3rd.”

“You watched?” Was it just me or did he perk up at that?

“It’s alright on TV,” I shrugged.

“You gonna watch again today?”

“Maybe,” I answered slowly. He nodded lightly and told me to tell Hayden and Adam ‘thanks’.

.

Unfortunately this game wasn’t so awesome. Philly buried the ‘Hawks 4 to 1, getting a small bit of revenge for losing the Cup to us. Really, if Philly had won the Cup, I might have questioned if there was such a thing as justice and righteousness in the (hockey) world. Maybe that was a little extreme though. Fact was that I couldn’t stand them and was more than happy to cheer on the defending Cup champions.

I was cramming lyrics in the living room when Viktor returned. You could read right off his face that he was frustrated and not happy. The explanation was obvious. After a few minutes in his room he reappeared in a t-shirt and sweats, sitting on the couch and wordlessly picking up a few lyrics sheets I had thrown around.

“Pretty old,” he commented after a while. I peeked at the title and smiled.

“Simon and Garfunkel are awesome! Cecilia is probably one of my favorites by them,” I smiled.

“Mrs Robinson,” he grinned lightly.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Every guy wants their cougar woman at some point.”

“Not true,” he disagreed. “That’s like saying every girl wants an old fart with a lot of money.”

“Nah, I just want the money,” I joked and started to sing ABBA’s ‘Money, money, money’. “In my dreams I have a plan. If I got me a wealthy man, I wouldn’t have to work at all, I’d fool around and have a ball!”

“Nice,” he chuckled and put down the papers. “How was band practice?”

“Pretty good, aside from the fact that I felt like we were playing questions with just me answering,” I told him, taking the hint that he obviously didn’t want to talk about anything game or hockey related.

“Getting to know you,” he shrugged.

“That’s what Adam said, too,” I nodded. “I think it’ll be a lot of fun with them, we already get along well and it’s great playing with them, they’re awesome.”

“Told you.”

“Shut up, you weren’t the only one, so you can’t take all the credit,” I pointed out. “Diane’s going to remind me for a long time.”

“I will, too,” he volunteered. “When’s the show again?”

“Saturday at 9, I think. Adam said it’s like this little contest they’re having for a regular spot at the club, bar or whatever it is. I was told to just show up looking pretty, basically.”

“Well, that won’t be too difficult then,” Viktor smiled and I almost pinched myself trying not to read too much into it. “Maybe you could invite some more people, if you want. Can never hurt to have a few more supporters there.”

“Like who? Most of the college crew is going already,” I pointed out, although I already knew very well what or who he meant.

“Well, the Sharps will be in Raleigh, but you could ask Elina and Niklas, Skille, maybe Seabs and Corey...”

“Did you tell anyone? Because it sounds like it,” I frowned. I really didn’t need a bunch of Blackhawks showing up in order to tip the crowds’ fancy to our favor.

“I told Niklas, sorry,” Viktor frowned, too. “He was just asking how you were doing and all... No one else though.”

“I guess if he and Elina came that’d be okay,” I said slowly. If anyone, I also would have liked to have Abby and Sharpie there, but they were going to be in North Carolina at the All Star Game obviously, what with Patrick playing in it and all. Viktor nodded and didn’t mention it again.

It seemed as though the Swede enjoyed quizzing, if not to say grilling me on the lyrics and corresponding melodies. If I got even one word wrong, he wouldn’t let me get away with it. The guys probably weren’t going to be all over the details like that, but Viktor didn’t care. He wasn’t going to let me get away with any mistakes on his watch. It was good to have someone test my knowledge though, you tend to cheat yourself on your actual abilities on your own.

Eventually we took a break to make some dinner. Because we were feeling very creative and were fully stocked we decided to make pancakes. Instead of going for sweet fillings like Nutella, we went for melted cheese with some cold cuts and veggies we still had. These pancakes were bigger than the typical American breakfast ones, at home in Germany we often had them for lunch. Filled and rolled the pancakes looked a little bit like tortilla wraps. At least in this rolled version the filling didn’t fall out as much.

“That was easier than I thought,” Viktor admitted between two hearty bites.

“I know,” I chuckled. He seemed a little clueless in the kitchen, but was a willing student. “If you want to make them again, I’ll write down the recipe for you.”

“Awesome,” he nodded, speaking with his mouth half full. Appetizing.

Viktor had at least three pancake wraps, while I barely made it through one and a half. The rest was refrigerated for tomorrow, the prospect of not having to make anything for breakfast or lunch was very appealing. As I passed the table in the kitchen to put the plastic boxes into the fridge, I stuck my nose into the flowers that still smelled fresh. They were still just as pretty to look at and I still smiled when I saw them.

“Do they smell sweet?” Viktor asked curiously.

“No, just like fresh flowers,” I shook my head and closed the fridge. “They really are beautiful, Viktor, thanks so much,” I repeated my thanks face to face and before I really knew what I was doing, I’d gone over to him and leaned up on the tips of my toes to kiss him on the cheek. The moment I found myself up there, just as I touched his cheek with my lips, I wondered what the hell I was doing, but by then it was too late.

By the looks of it, Viktor was just as surprised as me about the kiss on the cheek. I couldn’t really read the expression on his face, but his green-grey eyes locked into mine and I couldn’t look away. Split seconds seemed like eternities and one of the few thoughts in my head was that there was no turning back now. I should have known that ship would sail, as soon as I’d moved in I should have realized, but I didn’t. Ignorance wasn’t as blissful as it should have been and the longer this moment lasted, the less I could deny whatever had been building between us.

Anyone, myself included, would have expected him to kiss me, to do what he looked like he wanted to do. But he didn’t. Never taking his eyes from mine, he lifted a hand and gently touched my cheek. It was like he was touching me with fire and electro shocks at the same time. No words were said as he caressed my cheek. I could feel some of the roughness his job left him with on his hands, but the lightness of his touch made up for it. It was the kind of touch you didn’t think a male capable of, the kind that makes you feel like you’re a breakable porcelain doll made of the finest china.

No one interrupted our moment, no phone started to ring, the doorbell didn’t go off. The moment found it’s end when he took his hand away slowly. I was the one to break the eye contact, no longer able to bear that look in his eyes that made me feel like he was looking right through and into me.

“Tasha,” he said quietly, reaching for my arm when I turned to leave.

“Not now,” I shook my head and fled into the guestroom.

Not now. In more ways than one. Not right now, not right this minute, this hour, this day. Not now during this crazy difficult time. Not now during the semester. Not now while we were living together. Not now during my semester(s) abroad.

The feeling in my stomach didn’t give a dam about ‘not now’ though. It was going crazy with the butterflies I didn’t want to have, but had no control over. My cheek still tingled where he’d touched it and I didn’t need to close my eyes to remember the look in his.

Embracing my inner teenage school girl I threw myself onto the bed and covered my head with the pillow. Just what was I going to do now?!

Ideally I could have called CC, but if we were on phoning-about-romantic-emergencies terms, I don’t think I would have been in this situation in the first place. So, calling the expert in most things Tasha was out. Who else could I call? Diane didn’t know enough to give me adequate advice, she would just tell me to go for it anyway, no matter my protesting arguments. Maybe Abby was the next best to go to. But it was too late for an evening visit and if I left now, Viktor would get the impression that I was running away.

Was that what I was going to do? Run away? No doubt I would have to move out then. I couldn’t stay here with something like this standing between us. Viktor might not even want me to stay in that case, but I was almost sure that he was too nice and polite to kick me out.

Even if I didn’t run away, maybe moving out was a better option. So far living together had been good, but down the road it could become awkward. Then again, I wasn’t going to live here forever.

Why didn’t my feelings ever listen to the reasons in my head?! It would be so much easier. Then again, Abby, Elina, Diane and pretty much everyone else would turn the question around. Why couldn’t my sensible head ever give in to my feelings?

This was a disaster, a catastrophe. This wasn’t supposed to happen, but now it was unstoppable. Everything had just gone from bad to worse, at least in my currently dramatized view. Whyyyyyy?!