Catch Up With Fate

“What if someone else was interested?” Viktor asked and my stomach immediately plummeted. What had Adam said? It could only be more obvious if he flat out told me? Oh God.

Viktor crossed the kitchen, coming towards me. I was frozen to the spot, unable to move or run away. In the future I'd have to avoid these kitchen conversations, they always led somewhere like this...

“I don’t know?” I offered weakly as he stood right in front of me. Viktor was taller than me by more than just an inch or two, if I hadn’t known him to be an even-keeled and nice young man, he might have been intimidating. Intimidating were his actions and words, not his physical appearance right now.

Like he had before he touched and cupped my cheek ever so lightly. It felt like it was harder to breathe when he leaned in a little, and it was mostly reflex when I put my hand over his mouth, so he couldn’t and wouldn’t kiss me. For just a moment our eyes locked, then my escape instinct set in and I turned to leave, to exit this moment, this situation. Only that I hadn’t counted on him.

“You need to stop running away, Tasha,” he said quietly but firmly, arm reaching for mine to keep me from running, but he didn’t touch me. I stopped where I had gotten to, two steps away from him. “Running away and not facing things won’t make anything better or anything go away.”

Was he talking about this whatever-it-was between us or CC? Maybe it was true for both...

I stood there, caught between wanting to run away and wanting to stay. Running away maybe didn’t solve anything, but it was easier to deal with things from afar. But Viktor wasn’t something or someone that I could deal with from afar, he wouldn’t let me. Especially as he came up to me again and slowly took my hand into his.

If I ran away now, it’d have consequences. It always did. Just like my inability to face CC had run me off and that definitely had had consequences. Consequences that had caused me to be where I was right now.

Viktor took my immobility and silence as a sign of not running away, before I was even sure what I was going to do. He squeezed my hand ever so lightly and turned so he could look me in the face again. Like he had before he caressed my cheek, causing my eyes to shift to him involuntarily, he had my attention.

“I really, really like you, Natascha,” he started and proved Adam right. Where was the billboard on Madison Ave?

“I think maybe it was obvious, but you didn’t want to see it or want me to. But I can’t help it, it is how it is. Please give me a chance and don’t run away. I know you don't want to date, but maybe you can make an exception.”

His green-grey eyes were fixed on mine and I knew that he was waiting for some kind of reaction, reply from me. The only thing I was apparently currently capable of was to nod and even that was done more subconsciously than anything else.

Viktor’s face lit up, he smiled and his eyes started to shine. That itself was almost worth it, he was good-looking any day, but right now he was just... devastating. He’d expected to be shot down and to be honest, I had expected that, too. I had no idea where my nod had come from, but I figured taking it back wasn’t an option right now.

The truth was that my control was slipping dangerously. I couldn’t deny that I felt more for this man in front of me than I really wanted to admit even to myself, these feelings were there and they weren’t going away. Especially not when he was looking at me like that.

Instead of kissing me, like the rest of the male population probably would have, he pulled me into his chest and hugged me tightly. He did kiss me after all, but only on the top of my head. Somehow I was relieved about that, but it also made me laugh a little.

“What?” he asked, sounding kind of insecure and I guess it wasn’t a good moment to let out a laugh.

“Nothing,” I said and bit on my lips to keep myself from laughing some more. Somehow now that I’d started, I couldn’t stop (laughing). Maybe that was my natural reaction to releasing all this tension I’d felt the past weeks?

“No ‘nothing’, what is it?” Viktor pulled back so he could look at me and right into my amused face. “Did I say something weird?” It was kind of really adorable how he looked all worried and distraught about that idea.

“You kissed my hair,” I offered, trying to keep in my grin. C’mon, Tasha, it wasn’t that funny!

“So?”

“It’s just... you didn’t kiss me on the lips, you know? I guess most people would have? I don't know.”

“That’s why you’re laughing?” he looked genuinely weirded out. “I mean, I could, if you want me to...” He started to lean in, but I leaned backwards.

“Nope,” I grinned. Wherever this playfulness came from, I had no idea, but it was kind of fun.

“Tasha.” Now he looked even more disgruntled. “Why not?”

“Do I need a reason?” I asked and tilted my head to the side. “Just cause.”

“‘Just cause’ is not a reason,” he informed me and I smiled.

“I know, but I don’t think I need a reason,” I told him. “And you’d better not kiss me against my will, Viktor.”

“So you don’t want me to kiss you?” Now he was giving me a look of disbelief and also like he was trying to figure me and my little game out.

“I didn’t say that,” I chuckled. “I’m just saying: let’s see how it goes.”

Surprisingly he let out a laugh then and pulled me back into him. “Figures you would come up with something like that, little Miss Keep-your-distance.”

“I’m not sure what your definition of ‘distance’ is, but I’m pretty sure this is not ‘distance’,” I gave back, gesturing between us.

“Not right now,” he agreed and then became serious. “Please don’t go back to keeping your distance, Tasha,” he pleaded and I swallowed, he almost looked sad, a little pained. I bit on my bottom lip as he continued. “I know you’re not sure about what’s going on and I know that you have that rule, but... please be sure you actually want to do this.”

“You’re right,” I admitted quietly. “I’m not sure about anything and if I’m really honest, I don’t really know what I want either, but... I know that I like you, a lot, and I can’t pretend it’s not there anymore. You’re kind of everywhere.”

“We live together,” he pointed out with an amused face.

“Exactly,” I nodded and ran my fingers along the collar of his shirt as my arm had somehow found its way to his shoulder. “Well, shit, you guys convinced me to join the band, which I didn’t really want to do, so I guess you’re on a roll with convincing me right now...”

Viktor grinned and pushed a piece of hair that had fallen out of my ponytail behind my ear. “Let’s just see how it goes,” he quoted me.

“Good plan,” I smiled softly and held his face between my hands carefully as I leaned up on the tips of my toes. His cheek was stubbly like it almost always was as I kissed it. He kissed the side of my forehead as I fell back to stand normally and held me a little tighter. With my head in the crook of his neck and shoulder, sort under his chin, I felt calm and content, which surprised me. Right from the first hug I should have known that I would end up in his arms again.

“You give awesome hugs,” I mumbled into his shirt. He laughed.

“Thanks. Anytime.”

.

There was a lot I had to think about when I went to bed. The most prominent thing was that I actually felt better with Viktor’s feelings, and mine, out in the open. I’d thought that it would complicate everything, which it probably would in the future, and that I’d feel bad or at least weird. The only thing I really felt was relief.

Distancing myself and drawing into myself, hiding from my feelings, it had actually been more strenuous and harder work than I had realized before. Now that I didn't have an excuse anymore, I actually felt better, relieved, like a weight had fallen off my shoulders. It scared me to think about all the changes that were going to happen and the summer was like a big, black cloud over this great realization, but it felt too good, too nice, too warm and fuzzy to ignore. For the first time in a while, I fell asleep smiling.

.

The first thing I thought of when I woke up was the show. It hit me with such a wave of nerves that I immediately felt sick. Ugh.

After stalling for a while I rolled out of bed and got dressed in something comfortable. I did have an outfit ready for tonight, but I didn’t want to risk ruining it during the long hours before the show. We had sound check at 4, but there was no need to dress up for that already as I’d been told by Hayden.

Making tea was a calming process, so I did that. I was staring into my cup, basically watching it steep, when Viktor walked in. He was in pj pants and a shirt, looking sleepy and running his hand through his hair. It really wasn’t fair that he always managed to look so good. With no makeup on and my hair in a messy bun at the top of my head I looked like... nothing really, just a plain old, pale wallflower.

“Morning,” he mumbled, walking by my chair and squeezed my shoulders softly. “Sleep well?” He started to make coffee.

“When I did fall asleep, yes,” I nodded slowly and removed the teabag from my cup.

“When was that?”

“No idea, after 2,” I shrugged and sat back down after throwing away the teabag.

“Jeeze,” he sighed and gave me a questioning look.

“Lots to think about,” I explained and wiggled my eyebrows once, that made him chuckle.

“Oh yeah? About what?”

“About 6 feet tall, 400 pounds, blonde, Scandinavian,” I described with a grin.

“I’m taller and less heavy,” he pouted adorably.

“Who said I was talking about you? That Backstrom guy in DC is pretty adorable,” I joked and squeaked when he came back to my chair and squeezed my shoulders again. “Okay, okay. 6’3’’ and 210 pounds, happy?”

“Very,” he laughed and left one arm slung around me loosely. “So, what about that guy?”

“I came to the conclusion that he’s way too charming, pretty, nice and sneaky,” I grinned and carefully sipped on my tea.

“Sneaky?”

“Yeah. I remembered how Elina always tried to get me to talk to you and stuff... Whose idea was it to offer your spare room?” I craned my neck to look at him.

“Mostly mine, but she did the final convincing. I wasn’t sure if I should or could offer,” he admitted.

“Well, worked out for you in the end, huh? It’s awfully hard to avoid someone you live together with, especially when that someone’s pretty much your saving grace...”

“That’s not why I did it,” he was quick to explain. “I didn’t offer you the room to force you to like me, Tasha.” He looked worried, which I hadn’t meant to cause at all.

“I know,” I calmed him. “That’s just how it worked out, I guess.”

“Yeah,” he nodded.

“Can I ask you something about that though?”

“Sure.” He let go of me to get his cup of coffee and sat down across from me.

“What happens when I move back into my own apartment?”

“Do you think that’ll happen?”

“Of course!” I was appalled that he even asked the question. “I told you I wasn’t going to move in permanently!”

“I know,” he nodded quickly. “That’s not what I meant. Do you think you and CC will make up soon?”

“I hope so,” I frowned and sighed. “I have no idea, but I really hope so. I can’t stand how things are.”

“You can stay as long as you need to,” he smiled lightly. “That is not to say that I wouldn’t miss you when you go.”

“Aww,” I cooed softly, causing him to look shy and embarrassed again. “We’ll see how it goes.”

That seemed to be the way to go about almost everything right now. See how it went with CC, with Viktor, with the band, with school, with work... It didn’t sit well with me to just live into the day like that, with no plan and no goal/outline set. I needed things to make sense and fit into my mental scheme of things. Everything was forcing me to let go of that at the moment though and I couldn’t stand it.

“Nervous about the show yet?” he opened another topic and laughed when I only grunted. Grunting was such a ladylike thing to do, I thought afterwards, but then again Viktor had heard me do it before and that wasn’t the only thing I usually would wish to keep from a guy I was about to start dating. Somehow with Viktor it was all different, not at last because we were in fact roommates. What the heck had I gotten myself into?!