Catch Up With Fate

I managed to keep it together until I got to Viktor’s apartment. Somehow I was able to focus on driving and only let my emotions come out when the door closed behind me.

Where I had felt angry, attacked, almost livid in January, now I just felt speechless and empty. I sat in the same spot I had sat after Viktor had kissed me and stared at the wall in front of me. The only thought I had was that I had now lost her for real.

She was moving in with Jonathan, moving out of our apartment. Without telling me. She hadn’t listened to me when I’d said I would come back. If not for the fact I knew that Viktor would let me stay with him, I would be homeless in about a week.

I felt sick. Physically sick. My head hurt and I couldn’t make a clear thought, so I just sat there, way beyond the point where my butt became numb.

Next to me my phone started to ring in my bag sometime and that made me snap out of it a little. A long time had to have passed for Viktor to call, probably to hear how things had gone. As much as part of me wanted to, I couldn’t pick up. If I talked to him right now, I would lose it completely.

can’t talk right now, talk to you tomorrow? I texted him instead.

are you okay? I’ll call before morning skate, that okay? he replied quickly.

I’m fine. Have class early, after the game? I lied.

ok. Sleep well, god natt (Good night)

Gute Nacht. Viel Glück (Good night. Good luck.)

My phone rang a few more times throughout the evening, flashing my sister’s number and name. I didn’t answer those calls either, I just couldn’t talk to her right now. Maybe she was sorry, okay, but that didn’t change that there was no going back to the way things were before. She was moving in with C.A. and the apartment was someone else’s by February 16th, that was something no words she could possibly find, would change.

When I lay in bed that night, I felt so homesick like I hadn’t felt since coming to Chicago. I missed my home, my family, my friends and I missed my sister. I missed the way that my punctuality was considered completely normal and my paranoia about my personal data on the internet was not frowned upon. I missed my mother tongue and how I was used to the culture and people. I just missed home.

Thanks to CC and C.A. I was now stuck in Chicago until May. Four more months, February through May. Four months where I would probably continue to live with Viktor and CC would live with Captain Asshole. Four months and then I was fucking out of here. Screw the American fairy tale, this was a nightmare. So much for blood is thicker than water.

.

Wednesday evening we had a band practice scheduled that I drove myself to like a zombie. My head and heart were definitely not in it, but I owed it to the guys not to skip it.

“Hey there,” I said, dropping my bag on the floor next to the ‘stage’ and unbuttoned my coat after pulling off my beanie.

“You make it through the blizzard alright?” Hayden asked with a warm smile.

“Yeah,” I nodded. “Viktor’s on the road, so I was alone, but I survived. Guy only had like two candles in the entire apartment and it took me forever for find them.”

“He’s a guy, we’re not into this whole scented candles shit,” Jamison pointed out, but I just rolled my eyes a little.

“You’re kinda pale, Tasha, you feeling okay?” Jared asked with concern and I just thought ‘not another one’.

“Didn’t sleep well,” I shrugged and went to the mike I usually used. “What are we doing today?”

“Thought we could just jam a little,” Dillon suggested.

“Yeah, we don't have a show coming up till the end of the month,” Hayden agreed.

“We could perfect our version of ‘Rolling in the Deep,” Adam piped up happily. “I thought that maybe at the beginning you could sing alone without instruments and then at that ‘The scars of your love’ bit Dillon and a guitar could drop in and then everyone at the chorus.” Everyone seemed really excited about that idea and they started throwing around even more suggestions before I even had the chance to protest.

“What do you think, Tasha?” Hayden asked me, but I hadn’t listened.

“I can’t sing that, I’m sorry,” I told them, trying to be brave and not cry like the burning in my eyes was foreshadowing.

“What do you mean?” All eyes were on me.

“I just can’t,” I shook my head and closed my eyes against the tears, then blinked a few times but it didn’t help.

“You okay?” It was a dumb question by Adam, it was obvious I wasn’t.

“... no,” I offered weakly and then the first tear rolled down my cheek, followed by many more.

If I hadn’t been so upset, the scene would have been highly comical. A girl in tears was the rumored worst nightmare of a guy and looking into my bandmates’ faces, it seemed true. I really hadn’t meant to cry or even mention anything at all, but I just couldn’t keep it inside.

Trying to spare them and also help myself calm down, I turned away, wiping under my eyes, but it was no use, the tears just kept rolling. Someone’s arm reached over from the side, handing me a pack of paper tissues. I thanked who turned out to be Dillon and took one out to wipe my cheeks.

“I'm sorry, I didn’t mean to start crying,” I apologized hoarsely. “It’s just...” I had to stop, I could barely speak.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Adam said softly and wrapped one arm around me. I turned into him and wished it was Viktor hugging me. As Adam hugged me someone else started to rub my back, which was really sweet of them considering we’d only known each other for about three weeks. Eventually I found myself in a sort of group hug.

“Sorry for crying on you, Adam,” I sniffled when I’d mostly calmed down.

“Don’t worry about it,” he waved it off and squeezed my shoulder lightly. “Wanna talk about it?”

“We don’t have to kill Stalberg, right?” Hayden threw in jokingly. I let out a small laugh, unable not to smile at the mention of my boyfriend. That though, that he was my boyfriend, made me laugh, too.

“No, he’s been really great,” I shook my head. “Just having some troubles with my sister.” And then somehow the words just flowed from my lips and I ended up telling them almost the whole story.

“Well, that just blows,” Jay agreed with me. “So you’re homeless in a week?! What the fuck.”

“Viktor would probably let me stay, so... I don't know, I haven’t talked to him about it yet,” I said quietly.

“If he won’t, which would be a major dick move, there’s a room free at my place,” Jared told me. “You’d be living with three guys, but it’s better than nothing.”

“Thanks,” I nodded lightly, thankful for their help.

“What are you going to do now?” Dillon asked.

“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “I really have no idea how it even got to this and how to fix it. Right now I don’t even know if it’s fixable or if I want to fix it.”

“Let us know if we can help,” Adam told me and I gave him a thankful small smile.

“You know what we’re gonna do? We’ll order some pizza and watch funny movies while we have a few beers. Nothing like grease and alcohol to cheer you up a little,” Hayden suggested brightly. The other guys agreed and half an hour later I found myself changed into a pair of Hayden’s sweats and a hoodie that also belonged to him, squeezed on the couch between the guys as we waited for the pizza to arrive. My own clothes were in Hayden’s bathroom, partially covered in the beer that he had managed to open and spill onto me.

“We are the three best friends that anyone could have,” Dillon sang when we decided on The Hangover to be the first movie we’d watch.

“No, it goes like this,” I corrected him and started singing my own version: “You are the five best friends that any girl could have!”

“Aww, thank you, Natascha!” Dillon grinned and placed a sloppy kiss on my cheek. I laughed and pushed him away.

“Get off, Dillon, I’m pretty sure her boyfriend would mind,” Hayden smirked and all of them laughed when I blushed.

“I’m pretty sure you should be talking about cars, women’s asses, boobs and sports, not my boyfriend,” I pointed out and they howled.

“She said it! It’s legit! She’s dating the hockey player!” Adam cheered and rubbed the top of my head. I snorted a laugh.

“Thanks for not friend-zoning Stalberg any longer, girl!” Hayden joked. “Was that goal last week for you?”

“Not that I know of,” I shook my head.

As soon as the pizza arrived we started the movie and for a few hours I didn’t have to think about anything. The guys and the movie made for great amusement and distraction, so there wasn’t even a chance for me to be sad. After the movie ended there was still a little bit of the Blackhawks at Oilers game left to be watched, so we did that, too. It was highly entertaining to see Hayden so into it.

“Tasha, wake up for a moment.”

I slowly blinked my eyes open to small slits, looking into Adam’s face. “Did I fall asleep?” I mumbled.

“Sure did. I’m gonna move you over to Hayden’s bed, okay?”

“Couch is okay,” I tried to protest sleepily, but instinctively held on when I felt myself be lifted up. Adam carried me somewhere and put me on a nice, soft bed, pulling the covers over me.

“I put your glasses next to the bed. Sleep tight, Tash.”

“Thanks,” I managed to get out before I rolled over and fell right back asleep.

.

Waking up the next morning was strange. I didn’t know the bed or the room, it took me a while to find my glasses and it was quiet enough to let me fear that no one was home. Luckily I came across Hayden and some guy I didn’t know as I wandered around the unfamiliar apartment and made it into the kitchen.

“Good morning, Lady Sunshine,” Hayden smiled, getting up to pour me a cup of coffee.

“Heya,” I waved and sat down on the remaining chair.

“You’re up kinda early, I thought you’d sleep till noon,” Hayden told me, handing me a cup of dark liquid.

“Nah, kind of an early riser,” I shook my head and took a few sips. “I’m Tasha,” I told the unfamiliar guy then.

“Hi, I’m Aaron,” the guy chuckled. “Nice to meet the special person Hayden gave up his bed for.”

“Shut up,” my bandmate grumbled.

“You could’ve left me on the couch, you know,” I told him.

“Psh, what kind of gentleman would I be, if I did that?” Hayden rolled his eyes while Aaron coughed something that sounded a lot like he was questioning Hayden’s gentlemanliness.

“It was very nice of you, thanks,” I said anyway. “Thanks for the coffee, too, but I guess I should get going if I want to make it to at least one class today.”

“No problem, Tasha, I’m sure it’s been a while since Hayden’s bed saw such a pretty girl,” Aaron smirked.

My good mood stayed until the exact moment that I got back to Viktor’s apartment. The empty, lonely apartment that instantly reminded me of all the things the guys had managed to make me forget about temporarily.