Catch Up With Fate

Viktor’s alarm went off way too early. It felt like I had just fallen asleep, although several hours had passed. He rolled over slightly to turn it off, but then rolled right back to wrap himself around me again. With his face nuzzled into the back of my neck and shoulder, we were touching about as much as was possible. It felt extremely nice, warm and cozy. Comforting.

“Aren’t you going to be late?” I asked quietly when he hadn’t otherwise moved for at least ten minutes.

“I set it early,” he told me in a voice that was gruff from sleep. Since there was no reason for me to go to class when I was leaving tomorrow, Viktor was the only one that had to get up at a certain time.

I turned around carefully in his arms and lay on my side just looking at him for a little bit. “Where’s that scar on your lip from?” I asked and he finally opened his eyes, looking adorably sleepy.

“High stick,” he answered and kissed my finger tips when I touched his upper lip where the scar was.

“You’re still gorgeous,” I grinned slightly and he let out a small laugh.

“So I’ve been told.”

“Cocky,” I chuckled and kissed him lightly, just because I could. A second alarm went off just then.

“Ugh, now I gotta get up for real,” he groaned.

“I'll go make breakfast, okay? Coffee or tea?”

“Coffee, thanks,” he said and we both rolled out of bed.

You couldn’t really say we were hungry, but we ate something anyway. I was going to miss these easygoing mornings.

“I’ll pick you up for lunch after practice, okay?”

“I could just cook something,” I shrugged and that made him smile a little.

“That sounds better,” he told me and came over to give me a kiss before he left. “See you later.”

Since it was probably the last lunch I was going to cook for him, I decided to do something a little more special than our usual pasta chicken combos. I bought some good beef and fresh veggies, like bell peppers, to make Gulasch (English: goulash). To go with that I was going to try to make Spätzle, a German kind of noodle, from scratch, but to be safe I also bought ready made pasta in case it went wrong.

I had to admit that not even cooking and smelling the delicious food really made me hungry, but that didn’t matter. The final results turned out better than I had expected, cooking the way I was used to was often a challenge with the American ingredients.

It was a little difficult to time the food, because I didn’t know when exactly Viktor would return. I did pretty well though, the food had been finished for only about ten minutes when I heard a key in the door.

“I’m in the kitchen!” I called out to him as I checked the table that I had set. As I turned around I saw someone standing in the door that I had not expected.

Behind Jon I could see Viktor cross the corridor and go into his bedroom, after giving me a look that probably was supposed to say ‘talk to him’. I tried to keep from cursing him in my head and out loud and turned back to stirring the goulash. If Jonathan thought I would say something first, he was dead wrong.

“Are you really going back to Germany tomorrow?” he asked, his deep voice filling the room suddenly.

“No, I was just saying that for shits and giggles because I thought it would make for a great joke,” I said with sarcasm dripping from every word. “Yes, I am.”

“You can’t be serious.” He sounded like he couldn’t believe it, but if he’d taken just one look into Viktor’s face he would have known it was true. I said nothing and carefully poured the goulash into a big porcelain bowl that would look more presentable on the table. The only thing missing to make it the cliché dinner date table was a candle.

“I’m sorry.”

I stopped pouring and put the pot back down, fearing I would drop it. It was surprising to hear those words from him, because I’d thought they would never come.

“I didn’t mean for things to get messed up like this, I never meant to come between you and CC or for us to compete for her attention.” Jon’s eyes were as dark as ever, but he was watching me intently. It’d been a while since he had been this calm around me.

“Then why did you? If you didn’t mean for that to happen, why did you let it?” I asked him, trying to stay calm, too, despite all the things I wanted to say to him.

“I don’t know,” he answered and I pursed my lips. “I think, maybe I was, am scared to lose her.”

“She loves you,” I pointed out.

Jon sighed quietly. “You have no idea what kind of power you have over her, Tasha. I only believed that you were really staying for another semester when it actually started. It took forever for her to agree to that, because of you.”

“So you’re saying it’s my fault,” I summarized. “Thanks.”

“Not at all,” he stated firmly. “I’m just saying that... you fucking intimidate the shit out of me, Tasha, okay?”

If the situation had been different, I would have laughed. A lot. And loudly. Jonathan Toews, captain of the Chicago Blackhawks, Olympic Gold medalist, Stanley Cup champion, was intimidated? By me? What kind of comedic movie was this?!

“I’m hardly intimidating, you’re a hundred pounds heavier and a foot taller than me,” I pointed out. Okay, maybe only half a foot...

“Not physically,” he almost rolled his eyes. “One word from you and she’d drop everything for you. If she knew you’re flying home tomorrow, she would, too.” A look of pain crossed his face. “You can’t leave.”

“But only because you want her to stay,” I scoffed. “I’m like the bad part of a package deal, right? You don’t give a rat’s ass if I stay or not, what this means to and for me, so long as CC stays with you. Well, let me tell you something, Jonathan. I don’t give a rat’s ass either. You have both made it very obvious that my input doesn’t matter to you, so why should yours matter to me? You’re going to find a way to make her stay, you’re great at getting her to do what you want, so...”

“That’s not true and you should know that, Natascha. Your sister loves you to the ends of the earth and if you can’t see that, then you’re really the stuck up, selfish bitch you’re acting like right now. I get that we hurt you and I’m sorry for that. I didn't know you hadn’t moved permanently, or I would have never asked her to move in with me. I’m sorry.” He gave me a long look. “But this right here? You leaving? That’s just you being a drama queen. There are so many people that care about you and love you here, that guy in there first of all. He almost bashed my head in, in practice today and I'm his captain, so that says a lot! For once stop thinking about yourself and see the people around you!”

With that Jon turned around and left. I stared at the spot where he stood just moments ago and wondered why the hell something deep down in me was telling me he was right.

A few minutes after Jon had left, Viktor reappeared. I was leaning against the counter and he stepped behind me to give me a hug and kiss the side of my head by my ear.

“Do you think he’s right?” If he even tried to pretend that he hadn’t heard every word, I was going to smack him. American walls were thin as paper sometimes. “That I'm being selfish? That I'm just hurting everyone with this, carelessly?”

Viktor said nothing and his silence spoke louder than any words could have.

I wriggled free of his grip and blinked a few times. “I’m going for a walk,” I announced, marching to where the coat rack and the shoes were.

“Tasha.” Viktor followed me. “I don’t-“

“I don't want to hurt you, but- I need to think about this, just... let me. Please,” I cut him off and finished putting on my outside gear. “I promise I’ll come back.” With those words I leaned up, kissed him softly and left.

It was too cold outside to walk around for as long as I would have wanted to, so I sought refuge in a coffee shop. With some caramel coffee concoction I got myself a seat at the table in the back corner where I hoped to be undisturbed. I should have gotten myself a tea, stirring tea was a calming, therapeutic action.

The things Jon had said to me were essentially nothing new. Neither from him, nor from anyone else. The part that didn’t sit right with me was that Viktor agreed with his captain. If anyone in this mess could be trusted to tell me the truth, it was him.

It went against everything within me to consider for even a moment that Jon was right. That I had even listened to a word he’d said was a miracle, lately I’d been tuning him out completely.

And maybe that was the problem. It was a natural, human reaction to turn away the things you didn’t like, didn’t want to hear, that made you uncomfortable. To hear myself being called a selfish drama queen certainly went in that category.

Still, even if I was being selfish, that didn’t change the things that Jon had done in the past weeks and months. If he was pointing one finger of blame at me, three still pointed back at him.

.

Plenty of time had passed since I had left Viktor’s apartment and I hoped he wasn’t going to be too mad that I had wasted a few hours thinking without having changed my mind. Today was the last real day we had together, because tomorrow would be cut in half by my flight leaving after lunch.

As I let myself into the building I realized that I hadn’t even grabbed my phone on the way out, so even if he had wanted to, he wouldn’t have been able to reach me to tell me to come back. That didn’t exactly make me feel better.

“Viktor? I’m back,” I called into the apartment as I closed the door. I was stunned to hear many more than one voice from the living room. When he came from that room, I gave him a confused look. “I forgot to take my phone with me, I'm sorry,” I told him, kicking off my boots. The area by the front door needed a good cleaning, the floor was covered in wet, dirty spots from shoe prints and that definitely hadn’t been the case when I left.

“No worries,” he told me and took my hand to lead me into the living room. Where I was utterly surprised to find a bunch of people I hadn’t expected.

“What’s going on?” I asked slowly, looking from my ex-bandmates to some of Viktor’s teammates with their girls.

“It’s your goodbye party, bitch,” Diane piped up and my mouth just refused to close. There had to be at least twenty people in Viktor’s living room, far more than I thought would ever fit into it.

“Are you serious?” I looked at Viktor, who smiled and nodded.