Hearts So Pure

I tried to keep my head far enough away from the window so it wouldn’t get bumped every time the road got rocky. It wasn’t working, so I sighed and turned away. Nicole, my friend from ages ago and my roommate, was driving with me to New York from our dorms in Texas. “I really don’t get why we couldn’t have taken a plane…” I groaned, half at Nicole, half at myself for even agreeing to go on this stupid road trip. “I’m telling you,” Nicole said from the drivers seat, “Road trips are way better than flying! Come on, don’t you like adventure?” She nudged me in the arm. I ignored her comment and continued to stare out the window. “What are we gonna do there anyways?” I said. Nicole sighed. “Leah! I told you a million times! We’ll find a place to stay for the summer and we’ll get jobs and I don’t know… we’ll just live. In New York! Doesn’t that sound fun? Come on Leah, you’re in college. Live a little,” she said. I could be living perfectly fine back at home I thought, but I didn’t say anything.

Twelve hours and a backseat full of coffee cups later, we drove up to what seemed like one huge radiating light. “It’s so bright!” Nicole said, looking at the big city. I looked around. As we approached a gas station, I took in what was around us. People, everywhere. It didn’t even matter that it was 2 AM. People. Everywhere. After Nicole asked for directions at the nearest motel from the worker in the gas station, we checked into a room. I put my bags down and I went to the restroom to wash my face when I heard her call over, “Oh hey…” she said. “Um there’s this band playing tomorrow night a couple blocks over. I thought it would be cool if we went?” I turned back at her, giving my puppy dog eyes. I laughed, “Sure, Nicole. Who are they?” I turned the faucet on, and I didn’t make out what she said. Something about rain? I nodded and said “sounds cool,” before we were both fast asleep, exhausted from the drive over.

That night I dreamt about Garrett. It wasn’t the first time, but it was the most vivid in months. We were back at the coffee shop, and he asked me where I had gone. I tried to tell him that I missed him, that I needed him back, but no sound came out. He just stared at me, confused and a little angry, and I woke up. I wasn’t surprised that I was dreaming about him again. The drive over left me with a lot of time to think about the past year and a half. My senior year, I moved a couple of hours away from home. I met Garrett there, and things were great. I loved him, I was sure of it. But then some things happened with my Dad’s health, and we moved back. Garrett and I tried to keep in touch, but it was so hard, and after a while we just both gave up. I remember the last time I talked to him, it was over the phone, around the end of my senior year. “Leah,” he said to me. “I just miss you so much.” I had cried then, and I cried when I told him I doubted we would work out anymore. I didn’t want to do it, it was just so hard, you know? Driving back and forth to see him for one weekend, it got tiring. So eventually I went off to college and to my surprise, Nicole was there. I had met Nicole around the same time I met Garrett, and me and her had become really close. We got a dorm together, and we’ve been kinda inseparable ever since.

My mind jolted back when I heard Nicole roll over in the bed next to mine. It wasn’t good to be thinking about him still, I thought. I spent my entire freshman year of college away from him. I even met other people. Nothing serious, just one or two boyfriends. But my mind always went back to him, eventually.

The next day me and Nicole did some sightseeing. We had some money saved, and we blew a lot of it shopping around. Finally, when seven rolled around, Nicole said, “Hey, about that concert, still wanna go?” Honestly I really did, finally having a break from studying and exams was making me extra adventurous. So half an hour later, we were in front of a venue, buying two tickets. We walked in, and it was crowded. Not crowded like commence claustrophobia, but crowded enough. Me and Nicole took a seat at the bar and waited for the band to start. (Did I mention we had fake I.D.’s? Yeah, ever since I met John I’ve been somewhat of a drinker) It was dark, so when the band finally came on I couldn’t really make out their faces. Not that I really cared to, anyway. But for some reason Nicole was struggling to see, she was leaning this way and that, and shushing me as soon as they came on. “Who are they?” I said, but she couldn’t hear me, the music was blaring. She grabbed my arm and led me into the crowd. After fighting our way to the middle of the pit, we finally had a good view. Nicole was staring, almost mesmerized. Who the hell were they? I looked up, too, thinking they better look damn good if Nicole was freaking out this bad. Directly in front of me I saw a boy playing bass, jumping wildly. His brown hair was moving back and forth, and I couldn’t get a glimpse of his face. Something about him seemed oddly familiar… I thought, when the music slowed to a stop. I looked at the singer. “We’re the Maine from Phoenix, Arizona!” Holy crap! I thought, and looked at Nicole. She smiled at me. I looked back at the singer. John? I squinted my eyes to get a better look. Holy fuck! It was John! My heart started racing and I could feel myself going cold, despite the sweaty crowd. I looked back to the bassist, and saw Garrett smiling and running a hand through his already messy hair. He was looking at John, and I watched them and Kenny, Jared, and Pat walk off stage. I stared at the empty stage for what felt like forever until I felt Nicole grab my arm. I looked at her and she was smiling wide. She leaned in and said in my ear, “Surprise!”

Back at the bar, Nicole explained how she had gotten back in touch with John. “I just… I really missed him, you know? Things haven’t been the same since..” and she trailed off. I knew exactly what she meant. “Anyway,” she said. “He emailed me and asked me how we were doing. He told me that he was still with the boys, and they were doing a few shows. He asked us to come to one, and I figured it would be a nice opportunity to get out of that shit town we were in, right?” she said. I only nodded, still in a daze. “So yeah. I didn’t tell you ‘cause I knew you would freak out. And please don’t be mad,” she said, making those puppy dog eyes. “I’m not!” I said, laughing. “Well John said to meet him outside when the shows over. He’s probably waiting now.” She said, and got up. I felt my stomach turn. I looked out the door, and I could see the silhouette of a boy, leaning against a street lamp, running a hand through his already messy hair.