Hearts So Pure

Garrett’s door slammed, and I looked down at Kennedy. He was back asleep, his arm now curled up near his chest. Nice, I thought. Picking up my near-empty can, I walked to the front porch.

The air was cooler, and I was thankful, John’s air conditioning wasn’t exactly performing at its best. I leaned against the painted white railing, looking out toward the street. I looked where the taxi had been parked minutes before, and I swore I could still smell Janice’s cigarette smoke. I sighed, and propped myself onto the railing, taking a seat. I was wearing shorts, earlier in the day Jared had driven me and Nicole to get our things, we were officially staying with them for the summer. I was glad they let us stay, it was better than that ratty motel room, but I didn’t know if I could take this whole thing with Garrett. Why was he being such a dick? I took another sip from my beer, it was empty now. I was looking down at the can when I heard the door creak open. Startled, I turned around to see John. He was shirtless, wearing only some black jeans. “Leah,” he said softly. “What’s up.” He walked over to the rail I was sitting on, and leaned against it. His back was to the street, the small of his back was touching the rail. He looked at the door while he talked. “Hey,” I said. He took the can from my hand, and said “So, what’s up with Garrett?” while he inspected it for more beer. I sighed, “I don’t really know,” I said. “Nothing?” John laughed, this little squeak laugh. “Yeah I believe that. What was that whole thing with that herpes girl about?” This time I laughed. “Herpes girl? Janice? I don’t know.. he likes her, I guess…” John frowned. “I don’t know about that.” He said. “I think he’s just… misguided. He misses you, Leah.” My heart dropped. Yeah, he missed me while he was trying to make the moves on Janice. “Doubt it,” I said quickly, trying not to let him hear the crack in my voice. “Yeah,” he said. He turned around and threw the empty can onto the grass. “You guys had something. And Garrett’s…. well he doesn’t get over things easily. I mean who can blame him, right? You’re a nice girl, Leah. He misses you, I can tell.” I wanted to scream. I wanted to run far away from this porch, from Garrett, from this state. I wanted to go and never look back, to forget about all of this. But more than anything, I wanted to swing the door open and run to Garrett. I knew he was still awake, before I came outside his light was still on. “He doesn’t, John,” I said. “He likes herpes girl.” And we both laughed. “He does though.” he said softly. “He really does. I can tell. You need to do something, Leah. He misses you now but he won’t miss you forever.” and with that he turned around, and went inside. It was quiet again, but his words were still in the air. They stung. I wanted to cry. I was gonna cry, dammit I had the right to. But the door opened again. This time it was Kennedy. With sleepy eyes, he popped his head from inside. “Come inside,” he said softly, and he reached for me. His hand landed on my hips, and he pulled me down from the rail. Before I knew it, he was holding me against him. I tried to pull away, but his hands were traveling down my back gently. I closed my eyes and I felt his hips touch mine. I wanted to forget all about Garrett, I wanted to never think about him again. I leaned my head back and I felt Kennedy’s lips on my neck. I let out a soft moan and Kenny let go, grabbing my hand and leading us back inside. He dropped on the couch, and pulled me down with him. Before I could even get comfortable, he was out again. I almost laughed out loud, he could go from 100 miles an hour to asleep in a few seconds. I thought about his hands on my back, his lips on my neck, and looked down at him. I didn’t want to lay next to him. I didn’t even know what I wanted. I didn’t want Kennedy, I didn’t want Garrett. I didn’t miss Garrett. I didn’t need Garrett. Of course not.

I didn’t sleep that night, the sun rose and I was still sitting there, thinking about Garrett. Talk about wasting time. Soon, people were waking up. Pat was the first to wake up. “Leah,” he said as he stretched his arms out. “Coffee.” I laughed, standing up. “Sure, Pat.” I walked to the kitchen and started making the morning coffee. Soon, Kennedy woke up and walked in. We were alone, and he came from behind me, wrapping his arms around my hips. He rested his chin on my shoulder, and I could feel his breaths on my skin. “Hey,” he whispered. I felt chills run down my back. I shrugged, hoping he would get off. But he held on, and soon Garrett walked in. I froze when I saw him, and he just looked at Kennedy, then back to me. Kenny wasn’t phased. “Leah made coffee.” he said easily. “I wonder what else she’s been doing…” Garrett said, almost under his breath. “Huh?” Kennedy said, clueless. “Nothing, bro.” Garrett said, “tell me when the coffee’s done.” But I had had it. I shrugged Kennedy off me and walked over to Garrett. I grabbed his arm, and said through gritted teeth, “We need to talk.” He gave me a half-smile, that damn half assed smile. I pulled him to his room at the end of the hall, and closed the door, locking it behind me. “What the hell is your problem?” I said, as he took a seat on his bed, clearly amused. “My problem?” he repeated through a smile. “Yeah, your problem.” I said. “What the hell was that?” His smile faded. “What? I was right, though, wasn’t I? I thought you and Kennedy were, you know.” and a sarcastic grin formed on his lips. “We’re not.” I said firmly. “And even if I was, it would be better than what you’re fucking. I heard she has herpes.” Garrett shot up, walking towards me. “We’re not fucking. She doesn’t have herpes. But that wouldn’t be any of your business, would it?” he said, and I could see him clenching his jaw. “Maybe not,” I said. “But she’s not good for you.” and I lowered my voice then. Garrett scoffed. “What’s good for me then, Leah? Please tell me. A girl who makes me fall in love with her then leaves me? A girl who breaks my heart? A girl who could be everything I ever wanted, who was that, and then just leaves like nothing? How could you do that to me? To us?” and his voice cracked at the last word. My heart dropped. I felt weightless, like I could just fall through the floor. My knees felt weak. “Garrett,” I said, softer now. “I loved you.” Garrett’s hand went to his face, and he was rubbing his forehead, looking at the ground. “Dammit, Leah,” he said. “I needed you. I fucking needed you and you left. You can’t just come back and make things right. You can’t just drop me and pick me up whenever you want. I’m not your toy. So do whatever you want. Fuck Kenny, don’t fuck him.” and he stormed passed me, knocking me on the shoulder. He walked past the door, out the front door, I heard it open and slam closed. I heard Pat say, “Garrett?” But I didn’t move. I stayed still, staring at the spot Garrett had just left. I heard people walking down the hallway, towards me, and I just collapsed. My knees buckled, my hands flew to my face, and the next thing I knew, I was in Nicole’s arms. I was practically screaming, I was sobbing so hard. Nicole was rubbing a hand through my hair. “She needs space, guys,” she was saying. But I wasn’t paying attention. I buried my head in her chest and soon my hair was wet with all my tears. I don’t know how long that lasted, but soon my breaths were shortened, and the tears stopped coming. I sat up. Nicole was looking at me, worried. “It’s okay,” she was saying. I smiled, she didn’t even know what happened, but she was still certain things would be okay. I hugged her, so grateful for her just being there. “Yeah,” I laughed. “It’s okay.”

After a thorough talk with Nicole about Garrett, I was feeling better. I told her about the webcam girl, then about last night with Janice, and last night with Kennedy, and everything in between then up until Garrett’s storming out. She listened, nodding every so often. When I was done, she had tears in her eyes. “Oh Leah,” she said, and she hugged me again. I smiled. She pulled away. “I’m sorry. I really am. But you need to stop this thing with Kennedy, you’re not the only one being affected. Think about how he feels.” and instantly I felt terrible again. This was the second time I lead him on like this. I remembered his chin on my shoulder earlier this morning and frowned. “Yeah,” I said. “I guess I better talk to him.” Nicole nodded. “And… don’t be intimidated by herpes girl.” she said, and we both laughed. “She’s totally not his type. But in all seriousness,” and she frowned. “Just, tell Garrett how you feel. You guys said a lot of things to each other this morning, but you didn’t say the most important one,” she said, and I looked at her, “What would that be?” I said. And she smiled, grabbing my hand. “I miss you,” she whispered.