Thinking Of You

I looked up at John with a raised eyebrow, then sighed as I stood and stretched.
"Where are we going?"
"Out. We're gonna go have fun."
"I don't like your definition of fun."
"Just go get ready!"
"Ugh, fine, dammit!" I yelled, then ran upstairs.

I got dressed in my usual sweater and skinny jeans, then straightened my hair before putting on a little bit of eyeliner and mascara. As I reached the end of the stairs, John threw my shoes at me. I put them on, then grabbed my wallet.
"Put it back."
"Put what back?" I asked, giving a slight smile.
"Put your wallet back."
"But, John--" I started, until he grabbed me, pulling me close to his body.
"What are you doing?" I asked in a whisper as his face was nearly an inch from mine and he gave his little smirk. He stuck his hand in my back pocket and yanked out my wallet, before walking away.
"John, give it back!" I demanded as he stuck it down his jeans.
"Seriously? Why?!" I yelled, and he laughed as he pulled on a jacket. He put an arm around my shoulders as we headed out the front door. I pulled away from him, and went over to the passengers side of his truck, jumping in and buckling.

About an hour later, we arrived at a huge theme park.
"Aww, come on, John, this has got to be expensive!"
"Will you shut up?" he yelled, and I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms.
"Stop pouting and get your ass out of the truck." he said as he opened my door.
"No."
"Krysten."
"No."
"Krys."
"No." I said, extending the "o" this time. John unbuckled me, then grabbed my waist. He pulled my out of the truck and threw me over his shoulder. He held onto me with one hand and closed the door with the other, before taking me up to the gates of the park.

"I hate you." I mumbled, my arms crossed.
"I love you." he chuckled, and my lips twitched up into a smile.

After getting our tickets, we ran inside and looked around.
"I want to ride that." I pointed up to a huge roller coaster, before looking over at John's horror struck face.
"...Alright..." he mumbled, and I laughed before grabbing his hand and running towards it. When we got in line, he linked his fingers with mine. I stared down at our hands for a second, before sighing and taking my hand back.

"We are not responsible for any lost items on this ride. Have fun!" we heard over the speaker, and I looked over at John with a smile. He was staring down, and I chuckled, before slapping his leg. He quickly looked up, then gave a big, nervous grin.
"Don't be nervous," I laughed as the ride started going.
"I'm not nervous! This is just really high up..." he said.

When we reach the drop, I was laughing like a complete maniac.
"Holy shit!" John screamed at the top of his lungs. I reached over and held onto his arm, and he relaxed a bit.

When the ride was over, we both stumbled off, hanging onto the railing.
"I'm not going on this ride again." he stated, and I laughed as I stood up straight.

***

After a day filled with rides, cotton candy and funnel cakes, we finally headed home.
"I had a great time, thanks for taking me." I said, and he smiled with a small nod.

We made it home, and I went upstairs to take a shower. When I came out, I went into John's room to tell him I was done, when I saw him pulling out a giant bottle of Jack Daniels.

"The showers open..." I mumbled as I looked up and saw the bottle.
"Shit..." he mumbled, and I clenched my jaw.
"I thought you quit?" I asked in a whisper, and he sighed.
"I'm trying."
"Give it to me."
"Krys--"
"Now. And anything else you have."
"Why?! Why do you care so damn much?!" he yelled, and I clenched my fists and jaw again.
"I have my reasons, John. Now hand it all over."
"What reasons do you have that are so important? I'm trying to change my entire life for a girl that has found someone else!"
"Because, dammit, I do love you!" I yelled back, and shock filled his face.
"Don't lie to me..."
"I'm not," I said quietly.

His hands floated up to my waist, and he bent down to my lips. Right as they touched, I pushed him away.
"I can't," I said, as a tear dripped down my cheek. He nodded, then wiped away the tear as I buried my head in his chest. He held me close, stroking my hair and kissing my head.

"I understand that you love him more, Krys. Please don't cry," he said, and I pulled away and looked up at him.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be. At least now I know. If I didn't fuck up I would still have you."
"I know I never told you this, but you're perfect. I do love you. But it killed me when I saw you drink and smoke because it's not good for your body. And you have no idea how I felt when I found out you were with that other girl."
"I know, I know, baby. And I'm so sorry. But Garrett's a good guy and he'll be everything you need and more."
"But so will you," I whispered, searching his eyes.
"You love him more. Don't ruin something special with him."
"If you say this now, why did you always kiss me when you knew I was with him."
"Because I want you, and I always will, but when he called you and you looked so happy, I didn't want to ruin that. I know I could never do that for you. And you deserve someone a lot better than me. I just want to be able to be called a friend."
"You are. You're a great friend, not just an ex, John," I said, then hugged him before turning and walking out.

I went back to my room, and slid into bed. Garrett, or John. What a choice. If you're in love with two people, then go for the second, because if you really loved the first, you would never have fallen in love with the second. Garrett was my love. He was the first person I ever told I loved, but the second I actually fell in love with. It is Garrett, and it will always be.