But Would Anything Matter If You're Already Dead?

“Suzie I got the milk” I take my shoes off and chuck my jacket on the couch.

“I’m in the kitchen love, are you alright?” I walk into the kitchen and dump the milk down on the counter.

“Yeah I’m fine... hey do you know somebody called Frank Iero?” I asked curiously, she laughed as she grabbed the milk and turned to add it to the eggs.

“Everybody knows Frank Iero Gerorgia, he’s a nice boy but gets into a bit of trouble with the police... why?” She turned to look at me suspiciously, I shrugged.

“He works at the dairy and I was just curious that’s all... I’ll be in my room for a bit okay” She nodded in response as I left the room.

Gets into a bit of trouble with the police? I wonder what he did; something about him was definitely intriguing. I held my breath as I opened Gerard's undie drawer.
There it was; the little black book.
I hated that book more than I actually hated the people in it, Gerard and I were fine until this stupid fucking list came and ruined everything. I gritted my teeth as I slowly reached forward to pick it up. I wanted nothing more than to close the drawer and get as far away from it as possible, but I had to check something.
As I stared at the book, I swear the hole in my chest doubled in size, my breath quickened and I dropped it to the floor in panic. I fell to the ground and wrapped my arms around my legs. He was actually gone.

“Georgia”

“Yes Gerard”

“Can I kiss you?” I turned away from the TV screen and looked at him, he was lying beside me on his bed and had his chin rested on his folded arms. I raised an eyebrow

“What..-why?”

“Because I love you and you’re extremely beautiful, plus- if you can’t kiss your best friend, who can you kiss?” I smiled and nodded

“Okay” I responded nervously. He cupped my face with his hand and pressed his lips on mine, they were softer than I expected and my I found my hand clasped in his as we both opened our mouths. A few seconds later his tongue was in mine, I felt him smile into the kiss and in this moment I knew I loved Gerard, more than just a friend. He was my soul mate. I loved the feeling of our mouths dancing together, I loved the way he always made me smile, I loved him more than life itself.

I don’t know how long we had been kissing for, but I needed to breathe so I pulled away and looked at him. His eyes were bright and his cheeks and lips were flushed. I grinned at him

“What did you think?” asked Gerard biting his lip

“I think... that was a perfect first kiss” he smiled at me and I rested my head on his chest as we carried on watching the movie.

I ran my fingers across my lips and smiled. Gerard and I never went any further than kissing, I don’t think either of us wanted to risk what we had. I loved kissing my best friend but I didn’t want to call him my boyfriend.
We were just friends in love and we didn’t have to worry about one of us dating somebody else because all we had was each other. It really was perfect.

I picked up the little black book from the floor and remembered the reason I came up here to get it, I had to check if Frank was on the list. If he was... then I couldn’t have anything to do with him. It was simple. I opened the book and scanned through the long list, I couldn’t see his name anywhere.
I checked again; then rechecked. I grinned to myself, Frank wasn’t on the list! I put the book back where I got it from and collapsed on my bed.

I hadn’t let Suzie change the sheets from when this was Gerard’s bed so it still smelt like him. Gerard’s room was still exactly the same; I hadn’t moved any of his stuff and didn’t have much of my own. The few clothes I had were shoved in the wardrobe but I mostly just wore Gerard’s skinny jeans and band shirts anyway. I took comfort from wearing his clothes as crazy as it sounds; it felt like he was still with me somehow.

As I lay on my bed I though about Frank. I wonder what he was doing right now? I wonder if he was thinking about me? Probably not, a guy like that could get any girl he wanted. Which brought my thoughts back to school, I was fucking nervous about going to school. Everybody was going to hate me, I was used to that, only this time I wouldn't have Gerard to laugh about it with.

I hugged Gerards pillow and instantly the knot in my stomach loosened. Who cares what happens at school? I was only going because of Gerard.

I was doing this for Gerard.