Coming Home to You

It’s been about a week since my breakdown in front of Jimmy, and it’s been the longest week of my fucking life. I haven’t been around the barn at all, instead finding comfort by holing myself up in the office with paperwork, or in the house doing meaningless chores. I’ve been so afraid of losing my control in front of Brian like I did Jimmy, which would only hurt my dignity, so I try to stay as far away as I possibly can. Dinner is the only exception, and I only have to stick around and bite my tongue for fifteen minutes tops. The way I caught Brian looking at me the other day unnerved me to no end. It was like we were both taken back to when everything was perfect between us, the way he smiled at me. I nearly lost it at that moment.

Jimmy and Johnny have been trying their hardest to get me back out on the farm again, saying that they’ll take over the paperwork and such, but I refuse. I just want to be as far away from everybody else as possible, so no one knows what’s going on. I don’t want to think about the consequences if everything about Brian and I’s past up until now got out. Crazy shit, just to put me into more misery.

And to top it all off, the humane society is beginning to bombard me with threatening emails about the well-being of the ranch. Are you fucking kidding me? I may not go anywhere near the barn, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t know what’s going on around here. My animals are well taken care of, and I’ll be damned if I let the state shut this place down. Jimmy and Johnny keep me well updated with the progress of the animals, but the human society is bashing my ranch all because of the deteriorating health of Epona. Yes, she’s been eating a bit more than usual ever since Brian has shown up, but she doesn’t consume enough for proper nutrition. For some unknown reason, she still refuses to cooperate. According to Johnny, she’s beginning to become a bit distant from Brian as well, which makes it hard to feed her. Brian has always been the one to get through to her. It’s like something is missing for her and whatever it is, we’ve got to figure it out, or the state is going to come investigate. If they see us as inadequate, unacceptable, or negligent towards our animals, they’ll shut us down without a second thought. And I can’t let that happen. Sevenfold Ranch is the only thing I’ve got left.

I sigh, and continue skimming through paperwork before I hear Johnny’s voice floating throughout the house, the heavy sound of his boots hitting the floor making my ears perk up.

“Matt?” Great, he’s searching for me. Why can’t they just leave me alone? I really don’t feel like dealing with anyone today.

Johnny bursts through the door of the office, settling himself in a chair, earning a disapproving look from me.

“You need to stop locking yourself up in here, Matt. It’s not healthy,” he lectures casually, keeping an eye on me while I continue filling out paperwork. I don’t say anything. I just pretend to ignore him, and continue dragging my pen across meaningless paper, answering meaningless questions. My computer beeps, indicating that I have an email, and I groan, already having knowledge of the source of the email. I read it, a very disgruntled sigh leaving my lips.

“Something wrong, Matt?” Johnny asks, concern lacing his voice. I shake my head, hoping he’ll believe me, but of course, he doesn’t.

“Lemme see,” he presses, and I don’t even put up a fight as he reads the email. “Are you…Mattie, is this true? They’re going to shut down the ranch?” I shrug.

“They’re coming to investigate. Epona’s health is deemed unacceptable, so they’re coming to check out the rest of the animals to make sure they’re being taken care of. Johnny, I don’t know what to do. I can’t force the food down Epona’s throat, and if she won’t cooperate with Brian, then she won’t cooperate with anyone.”

Johnny’s eyes widen in terror. “But…there’s gotta be something we can do. I mean, we can’t let them shut us down, we’ve worked too hard to get where we are. You—you’re not gonna let this happen to the ranch…right?” He asks nervously.

I shrug again, the stress weighing down as heavy as ever. “I-I honestly don’t know anymore, Johnny. Unless you have Brian force food down Epona’s throat, who knows what they’re gonna do.”

“Maybe you should talk to him about it,” Johnny licks over his lips.

“No,” I say shortly.

Johnny sighs, stalking off, but not before threatening to do whatever it takes to keep the ranch in business. I can’t fight him on that, this ranch isn’t the only thing I have left, it’s the only thing a lot of us have left.

I spend a few more minutes in the office before leaving to go back to the house. But, as I pass by the barn, I overhear a conversation that sparks my interest.

“What are you talking about, Johnny? They can’t close the ranch, it’s settled on private property,” Brian’s voice fills my ears, and my eyes widen in fear. Fuck, I forgot all about that. Brian doesn’t know about our little…decision after his departure, and that’s how I wanted it to stay. Now, Johnny is going to ruin all the hard work I put into keeping that secret under wraps. Why I ever told him the dark secrets about the ranch is a mystery to me.

My hands ball into fists when I realize that Johnny wasn’t kidding with his threat. I just didn’t know he would outline the entire situation to someone, let alone Brian.

“The ranch is no longer on private property, Brian. Your father had to hand over the land to the state because they were on the brink of severe debt. It was either be acquired by the state, or have the place torn down,” Johnny informs.

“But…that can’t be true. My father never once mentioned it during our phone calls, as rare as they were. He always told me that everything was the same, just as the day I’d left,” Brian whimpered. My heart swelled, and I was beginning to regret keeping that piece of information from him. It seemed to really break his heart, and it hurt to know that I was the one who’d caused it because it was true. Everything that Brian heard his father say was one hundred percent true, because I’d stood by his father’s side as he lied straight through his teeth to his son about the stability of the ranch at that time. What’s worse, I didn’t know that he would never get the chance to tell Brian the truth. It sucks really bad, because I was the one who pushed Brian Sr. into continuously lying when he was having second thoughts. He absolutely hated keeping the truth away from Brian, but I refused to let him come clean. Brian knowing the truth would possibly mean him coming back to the ranch, and at that point, I wanted him nowhere near us ever again.

I take a deep breath, desperately trying to refrain from making my presence known, along with strangling Johnny. It doesn’t help as much as I hope it will, but something is better than nothing.

As I make my way back to the house, I catch a glimpse of Harper grazing in the pasture. She lifts her head up slightly, and her eyes meet mine. She whinnies, stomping her foot lightly, demanding my attention. I sigh, and shake my head before making my way over to my horse.
Another whinny escapes her lips, this one a bit louder, sounding much like a self-appraising victory.

As I lightly stroke Harper’s mane, a slight smile spreads across my face, my first, real smile in weeks...maybe even my first, real smile in seven years.

Soon, all of my troubles seem to be washed away the longer I stay with Harper. The possibility of losing the ranch, my personal issues with Brian, nothing even matters anymore. Because for the first time in seven fucking years…I feel like everything just may pull through…everything just might be okay.