A Little More Than Convenient

|Trent Remington|
Everyone and their mother has been rejected before; it’s a part of life. It’s as simple as that. Everyone has a soulmate, therefore, they can’t fall in love with every person that goes past them. Usually, it takes a long time to find one’s true love. Sometimes, you don’t even know your soulmate is your soulmate until they’re gone. And then, every once in a while, you know that your soulmate is your soulmate, but they can’t accept it or admit it. That hurts like hell, believe me, I know. It’s hard to know that you can’t have someone you love, but it’s even harder to know that they’re close and you can’t even talk to them. It kills you inside.
But the worst thing of all? Thinking, no knowing, that you have a future with that person, and then, poof! Out of nowhere they just leave, claiming they don’t love you.
I’ve been rejected before, but then, I could take it.
This time, I couldn’t.
Carmen had came into my life, bringing new meaning to it, making me happier than I had ever been in my entire life, giving hopes of the future, but now, it was gone.
It’s been a couple months since she left, and not a lot’s changed. I’m still the vice president of the bank, still making more than enough money to be comfortable, still being Trent. But everyone knows that there’s something wrong.
My colleagues smile feebly at each other when I walk into the room, as if they’ve been talking about me, and I know they do. Mr. Bening never asks about Carmen, and he always used to. Tara and my mom try to get me to talk to them, to Carmen. But I just can’t. Just thinking about her brings me to tears. I’ve been taught my whole life not to cry, but these last few months I’ve been bawling like a damn pussy. My dad and Tristan have basically ignored the subject. Ross has asked a couple times, but he doesn’t say much. He knows me too well to talk about her too much. Jessica never talks about her. I think since Carmen left me, she stopped talking to Jessica, too.
I can’t figure it out. I expected that Carmen would go and stay with her parents or Lizzie or Jessica and Ross. But she didn’t. Lizzie says she doesn’t know, Jessica doesn’t know, and I think her Mom knows, but she won’t tell. My only guess is that she went to stay with Christian. I shudder at his name. He is such a fucking douche and Carmen hated him. It was terribly obvious. Why would she go back to him?! It not only baffles me, but pisses me off, too.
At this point, I don’t really care if her baby’s mine or not, I just want her back. I’m sure even if it wasn’t biologically mine, I would love it just because it was part of her. But that’s not going to happen. I don’t even know where she is. Since it is April, Carmen’s six months pregnant. She’d be pretty big by now. All moody and craving and swollen. I can’t help but smile at the thought.
I still miss the little things about her: how she bit her lip, how she rolled her eyes, her giggle, how easily she got embarrassed and blushed, the way she didn’t care what people thought about what she ate, and then, there were the small memories. Her throwing up at the smell of chicken (which was really hilarious), her cleaning the house frantically, her singing and dancing to “My Maria” in the kitchen. I still remember that day very clearly. I put the key in the door, and then heard singing. I tiptoed to the kitchen and peeked in. Carmen was making a dessert for Thanksgiving and dancing. I smiled because she looked so damn cute. And then, I couldn’t resist singing with her. She was so embarrassed!
Tristan’s suggestion, and at first, Ross’s, too, was to just move on. But how could I? I didn’t even see women the same way. They were just other people. Sure, some of them were really beautiful, but they just weren’t Carmen. I wasn’t ever going to see them that way again, and that was that. Ross understood. “That’s the way I feel about Jessica,” he’d said, nodding.
But Tristan had never been in love, and he just couldn’t understand it. He was young, though. One day, it would click, but for now, he was just a stupid, horny lamebrain.
I wondered if Carmen even missed me. Every day, I could feel a small part of me tearing away. I wondered how badly she’d hurt me. I wondered if she even cared. I wondered if maybe, just maybe, her heart was broken, too.
Maybe it wasn’t as strong as I’d thought, but I knew that Carmen loved me. She would have never stayed as long as she did if she didn’t. I swore that I could see love in her eyes that matched. Maybe I was wrong, but man was I praying that I wasn’t.
Seriously, Carmen was my whole world. And without her, well, there was no world.
The last time I saw her was last month. It was at the mall and I was going with Ross to the wedding shop to pick out tuxes. She was alone, walking into Maurice’s I couldn’t help but follow her. I felt like a stalker watching her buy a shirt that was two sizes too big for her, then I watched her go into Target, where she bought a Lifewater, some bottles, and blankets. I felt extremely jealous. After Target was Barnes and Noble, where she bought a pregnancy book.
It wasn’t until she went into JC Penney that she noticed me. Immediately, her face clouded over, and she walked away quickly. And me being me, I chased after her.
“Carmen, wait!” I yelled catching up with her beside the children’s clothing.
She turned toward me. I was shocked. She looked wrung out. Her eyes had purple bags hanging from them, and her face had lost its sparkle. Her hair was lackluster, and she’d lost weight, despite her being pregnant. “What’s the matter, I’m not as beautiful as I used to be?” She rolled her eyes.
I knew that there had to be a reason behind her bitchy attitude, so I ignored it. “Why haven’t you responded to my calls, my e-mails, my everythings?”
“Everythings isn’t a word,” she stared at her feet.
“Carmen, please.”
She sighed. “I already told you, Trent, it’s over. I’ve ignored you because there’s no reason to talk to you.”
“Okay,” I replied, “then why don’t I talk to you?”
“Why?” she asked, “I lied to you about the baby, and I basically used you. Go live your life. I’m going to be fine without you.”
I noticed that she didn’t look me in the eye when she said it. “Carmen, I can’t go on without you. I know it sounds corny, but I really can’t. I love you with everything in me.”
She swallowed hard and shut her eyes. “Why are you making this so damn hard.”
“Because it shouldn’t be hard, dammit!” I shouted at her.
People turned and stared.
“You’re making a scene,” she said calmly.
I smiled, uncaringly. “Do you think I give two shits? Because I don’t. Carmen, please, come home with me. I really and truly cannot live without you.”
For a second, I seriously thought that I had gotten to her. She bit her bottom lip hard and a tear slipped down her cheek. I impulsively reached over, caught it with my thumb, and wiped it away. “No,” she said finally.
I sighed. “Fine, Carmen. But I’m not going to stop loving you.”
She didn’t reply.
I walked out of the store, convinced that my life was totally over.
The next week, I received the divorce papers.