Status: Complete.
A Little More Than Convenient
Chapter 31-Blur
|Carmen Sanchez|
In February, my last name was legally changed back to Sanchez. I guess I had no business missing the S and Z anymore. I actually missed the R and the N. Remington was such a great last name, and I had abused my time with it. The name was so great because it was Trent’s name, Trent’s family name, Trent’s surname.
It’s weird, but, I felt every emotion humanly possible. I felt sad, no devastated, not only for me, but forJessica, and the baby, and Trent. I felt enraged at Christian, and his diabolical nature, and the whole damn situation itself. I felt guilty for putting Trent through everything, and for not talking to Jessica. I was embarrassed, numb, sick, and despondent.
Overall, I felt like utter and complete shit.
However, it was June now. I was eight months pregnant and five months depressed. Not just about Trent, but about me, and Christian, and the baby, and just where my life was. I didn’t even work anymore. I left the bank, obviously. Didn’t put in a notice and didn’t write a letter of resignation. It was completely pointless.
Christian was as much of a slime ball as he’d been when we’d been together before. I refused to even speak to him unless I absolutely had to.
But he was still doing what he’d done before.
I hated him. I absolutely, completely, irrevocably, totally hated him.
He told me every day that I owed him. That I owed him for not sending Trent to prison. Didn’t he owe me though? I’d sacrificed my whole life just so that he could have me.
What was so special about me, anyway? I was pregnant with another man’s child, I was a bitch to him just about every day of my life, and I didn’t bring in any source of income. That was Christian’s doing, though. He insisted that I stay home and cook and clean like a woman’s supposed to. Worst of all, I had to sleep in his bed.
And with that, meant that I was supposed to have sex with him. If you could even call it that, that is. I simply just laid there and waited until it was over. I felt dirty, sick, cheap when I was with him, which was why I didn’t refer to it as making love, because that wasn’t what it was. Christian was an evil tyrant, and I was his prisoner.
But the worst part was that I had almost stopped seeing Trent everywhere. That is, until that day at the mall. He just had to follow me, and talk to me. And he got to me, too. He’d told me more then once that he loved me. Do you know just how hard it was to tell him no. To tell him that I didn’t love him when I really and truly loved him with everything I had. And he loved me, too. It should have been simple: I loved him, he loved me, we were married, and we were having a baby. And then, in one day, everything changed.
Before that, I was seeing Trent everywhere. On the road when I saw a tan suburban, when I saw a man with dark hair, when I saw a man at Dilliard’s buying ties. It really killed me.
I stopped writing to the baby, too. The last time I wrote, was the day that I saw Trent at JC Penney. I just could not bear it. Most days, I cried or sulked or stared out the window at the streets of Jonesboro. I didn’t feel like writing. And on top of that, all of my soap operas had been cancelled so there was nothing on TV. With no Passions, All My Children, or One Life to Live, I was pretty much bored out of my mind. Sure, sometimes I went to the store, but I missed having an occupation.
And I couldn’t call Jessica. I was sure that she was seriously pissed at me. I hadn’t spoken to her since I left Trent. She would have told me how stupid I was for leaving Trent and going back to Christian. I already knew that, though. Not only that, but she would have delivered all of this information to Ross, who would have told Trent, who would have flipped out.
And I simply couldn’t handle that.
On a hot, muggy, Tuesday morning, I received the first visitor that I’d had since I’d moved back in with Christian. It surprised me because I hadn’t disclosed my location to anyone. It was my little sister. Lizzie had her blond hair in a side fishtail braid and she wore white shorts, a light blue tank top, and white strappy sandals. She had her hand placed primly on her hips as she stood in the doorway.
“Lizzie?” I asked.
She nodded. “Let me in.”
I opened the door and she sauntered in and flopped down on the couch.
“What are you doing here? Who told you I was-”
“I came to discuss some stuff with you. Now, shut up and listen.” She all but glared at me.
I clamped my mouth shut and sat opposite to her on the love seat.
“Why in the name of God would you leave Trent?” she asked, “Especially when you’re pregnant for Chrissake’s!”
“Because...,” I trailed off.
She waved her hand at me, her blue eyes widening. “Because...?”
I shrugged. “Why should I tell you?”
She rolled her eyes. “‘Cause I am your sister, I love you, and I deserve to know. Look Carm, it’s easy to see that you still love him. You had to have either a really good or really dumb reason to leave the best man who’s ever crossed your path. Oh, besides Stephen, of course.”
“Of course,” I repeated, rolling my eyes.
She held her hand up. “Look, I’m not trying to meddle-”
“Really?” I asked sarcastically.
She ignored me. “But I can see that it’s killing you. And it’s killing Trent, too.”
I crossed my arms across my chest. “How would you know that?”
“I would know that because I saw him the other day at Harp’s. He asked about you, and wouldn’t you know it, I didn’t know because I have seen or heard from you!”
My heart sank. I bit my lip.
She went on. “Carmen, you can tell a lot about a man’s groceries. He had a six pack of hershey bars, a couple bottles of vodka, a gallon of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, three bags of sour cream and onion chips, and a pack of pre-made popcorn chicken. Call me crazy, but I believe that the man is hurting real bad.”
I used to do the grocery shopping for him. My heart ached at the memory. “That doesn’t prove anything.”
She sighed angrily. “But it does! Carm, he loves you and you’re so completely oblivious to it.”
Actually, I wasn’t.
“And, you’re having his baby, so-”
“The baby’s Christian’s,” I interrupted.
She shook her head. “You’re lying. I can tell. Maybe Trent believed you, but I’m your sister. I shared a room with you for six years and a house for much longer. The baby’s his and you’re keeping him from it. Carmen, that just isn’t right.”
I looked at my feet. “Lizzie, you don’t know anything.”
“I know a hell of a lot more than you think, big sister,” she stood up. “I need to go soon. But first, I need to pee.”
I sighed and shook my head. “Down the hallway, second door on the left.”
She nodded and trekked off. I noticed that she took her purse with her. Well, maybe she was on her period.
“Shit, my phone’s dead,” she muttered to herself as she walked.
I put my head in my hands. Trent asked about me? He missed me? My life was much more complicated than it should have been. And it all started because of that damn marriage.
Lizzie returned and said, “I can’t tell you how to live your life, Carmen. But I want you to know that I really think you are screwing it up.”
I closed my eyes as she went out the door without saying goodbye.
I walked into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. I had yet to eat breakfast and I was getting hungry.
But then, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach.
It was gone in a few seconds, but then it came back. And then the process repeated itself. The fourth time, it hurt so bad that my knees buckled and I found myself on the floor.
“Dammit!” I cried out. I couldn’t get up and I could barely crawl. “What the hell?” I asked myself out loud. I wormed my way over to the counter where my phone was charging and grimaced with agony as another stab of pain shot to my stomach. But who was I to call. My dad was at work, as was Stephen. Lizzie’s phone was dead, my mom was at the country club, and she kept her phone off. Christian was at work, too, but I wasn’t going to call him either. Looking back, since it was an emergency, it probably would have been okay to call any of them. I could have called Dad or Stephen at work, or Ross or Jessica. I could have dialed 911 or the country club for my mom, or any of my aunts, uncles, or cousins. Hell, I could have even called the front desk of the apartment building, but my mind was clouded with the pain and the worry about the baby. So, I called the only person I could think of.
My ex-husband.
In February, my last name was legally changed back to Sanchez. I guess I had no business missing the S and Z anymore. I actually missed the R and the N. Remington was such a great last name, and I had abused my time with it. The name was so great because it was Trent’s name, Trent’s family name, Trent’s surname.
It’s weird, but, I felt every emotion humanly possible. I felt sad, no devastated, not only for me, but forJessica, and the baby, and Trent. I felt enraged at Christian, and his diabolical nature, and the whole damn situation itself. I felt guilty for putting Trent through everything, and for not talking to Jessica. I was embarrassed, numb, sick, and despondent.
Overall, I felt like utter and complete shit.
However, it was June now. I was eight months pregnant and five months depressed. Not just about Trent, but about me, and Christian, and the baby, and just where my life was. I didn’t even work anymore. I left the bank, obviously. Didn’t put in a notice and didn’t write a letter of resignation. It was completely pointless.
Christian was as much of a slime ball as he’d been when we’d been together before. I refused to even speak to him unless I absolutely had to.
But he was still doing what he’d done before.
I hated him. I absolutely, completely, irrevocably, totally hated him.
He told me every day that I owed him. That I owed him for not sending Trent to prison. Didn’t he owe me though? I’d sacrificed my whole life just so that he could have me.
What was so special about me, anyway? I was pregnant with another man’s child, I was a bitch to him just about every day of my life, and I didn’t bring in any source of income. That was Christian’s doing, though. He insisted that I stay home and cook and clean like a woman’s supposed to. Worst of all, I had to sleep in his bed.
And with that, meant that I was supposed to have sex with him. If you could even call it that, that is. I simply just laid there and waited until it was over. I felt dirty, sick, cheap when I was with him, which was why I didn’t refer to it as making love, because that wasn’t what it was. Christian was an evil tyrant, and I was his prisoner.
But the worst part was that I had almost stopped seeing Trent everywhere. That is, until that day at the mall. He just had to follow me, and talk to me. And he got to me, too. He’d told me more then once that he loved me. Do you know just how hard it was to tell him no. To tell him that I didn’t love him when I really and truly loved him with everything I had. And he loved me, too. It should have been simple: I loved him, he loved me, we were married, and we were having a baby. And then, in one day, everything changed.
Before that, I was seeing Trent everywhere. On the road when I saw a tan suburban, when I saw a man with dark hair, when I saw a man at Dilliard’s buying ties. It really killed me.
I stopped writing to the baby, too. The last time I wrote, was the day that I saw Trent at JC Penney. I just could not bear it. Most days, I cried or sulked or stared out the window at the streets of Jonesboro. I didn’t feel like writing. And on top of that, all of my soap operas had been cancelled so there was nothing on TV. With no Passions, All My Children, or One Life to Live, I was pretty much bored out of my mind. Sure, sometimes I went to the store, but I missed having an occupation.
And I couldn’t call Jessica. I was sure that she was seriously pissed at me. I hadn’t spoken to her since I left Trent. She would have told me how stupid I was for leaving Trent and going back to Christian. I already knew that, though. Not only that, but she would have delivered all of this information to Ross, who would have told Trent, who would have flipped out.
And I simply couldn’t handle that.
On a hot, muggy, Tuesday morning, I received the first visitor that I’d had since I’d moved back in with Christian. It surprised me because I hadn’t disclosed my location to anyone. It was my little sister. Lizzie had her blond hair in a side fishtail braid and she wore white shorts, a light blue tank top, and white strappy sandals. She had her hand placed primly on her hips as she stood in the doorway.
“Lizzie?” I asked.
She nodded. “Let me in.”
I opened the door and she sauntered in and flopped down on the couch.
“What are you doing here? Who told you I was-”
“I came to discuss some stuff with you. Now, shut up and listen.” She all but glared at me.
I clamped my mouth shut and sat opposite to her on the love seat.
“Why in the name of God would you leave Trent?” she asked, “Especially when you’re pregnant for Chrissake’s!”
“Because...,” I trailed off.
She waved her hand at me, her blue eyes widening. “Because...?”
I shrugged. “Why should I tell you?”
She rolled her eyes. “‘Cause I am your sister, I love you, and I deserve to know. Look Carm, it’s easy to see that you still love him. You had to have either a really good or really dumb reason to leave the best man who’s ever crossed your path. Oh, besides Stephen, of course.”
“Of course,” I repeated, rolling my eyes.
She held her hand up. “Look, I’m not trying to meddle-”
“Really?” I asked sarcastically.
She ignored me. “But I can see that it’s killing you. And it’s killing Trent, too.”
I crossed my arms across my chest. “How would you know that?”
“I would know that because I saw him the other day at Harp’s. He asked about you, and wouldn’t you know it, I didn’t know because I have seen or heard from you!”
My heart sank. I bit my lip.
She went on. “Carmen, you can tell a lot about a man’s groceries. He had a six pack of hershey bars, a couple bottles of vodka, a gallon of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, three bags of sour cream and onion chips, and a pack of pre-made popcorn chicken. Call me crazy, but I believe that the man is hurting real bad.”
I used to do the grocery shopping for him. My heart ached at the memory. “That doesn’t prove anything.”
She sighed angrily. “But it does! Carm, he loves you and you’re so completely oblivious to it.”
Actually, I wasn’t.
“And, you’re having his baby, so-”
“The baby’s Christian’s,” I interrupted.
She shook her head. “You’re lying. I can tell. Maybe Trent believed you, but I’m your sister. I shared a room with you for six years and a house for much longer. The baby’s his and you’re keeping him from it. Carmen, that just isn’t right.”
I looked at my feet. “Lizzie, you don’t know anything.”
“I know a hell of a lot more than you think, big sister,” she stood up. “I need to go soon. But first, I need to pee.”
I sighed and shook my head. “Down the hallway, second door on the left.”
She nodded and trekked off. I noticed that she took her purse with her. Well, maybe she was on her period.
“Shit, my phone’s dead,” she muttered to herself as she walked.
I put my head in my hands. Trent asked about me? He missed me? My life was much more complicated than it should have been. And it all started because of that damn marriage.
Lizzie returned and said, “I can’t tell you how to live your life, Carmen. But I want you to know that I really think you are screwing it up.”
I closed my eyes as she went out the door without saying goodbye.
I walked into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. I had yet to eat breakfast and I was getting hungry.
But then, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach.
It was gone in a few seconds, but then it came back. And then the process repeated itself. The fourth time, it hurt so bad that my knees buckled and I found myself on the floor.
“Dammit!” I cried out. I couldn’t get up and I could barely crawl. “What the hell?” I asked myself out loud. I wormed my way over to the counter where my phone was charging and grimaced with agony as another stab of pain shot to my stomach. But who was I to call. My dad was at work, as was Stephen. Lizzie’s phone was dead, my mom was at the country club, and she kept her phone off. Christian was at work, too, but I wasn’t going to call him either. Looking back, since it was an emergency, it probably would have been okay to call any of them. I could have called Dad or Stephen at work, or Ross or Jessica. I could have dialed 911 or the country club for my mom, or any of my aunts, uncles, or cousins. Hell, I could have even called the front desk of the apartment building, but my mind was clouded with the pain and the worry about the baby. So, I called the only person I could think of.
My ex-husband.
♠ ♠ ♠
Cliffhangers...