Boondock Saints

My body was resting on my bed underneathe the new dark blue sheets and blankets. I had on a pair of black p.j. pants and a dark purple tank top. Connor and Murphy came in at the same time, unbuckling their belts and taking off their shirts. I felt his warm chest on my back and his hands wrap around my waist. His body was a bit more wider and more braod than mine; he easily over powered me.
I felt him nuzzle his face into my neck as he held me close. This was something I could live for but something was still missing.

Don't get me wrong, I couldn't be more happy with Connor and if he wasn't here I would be miserable. It was just that he still had family, unlike me. All I had was Connor and a couple of friends and none of them could replace my brother, my mother, or my father. I actually felt jealous because even through all of this, he still had a brother and I didn't.

There was nothing I could do about that so I closed my eyes and surrendered to sleep. Once again my rest was interrupted by a devastating night. It started with flashing images of Yuri walking up tp me with a big knife in his hands. That burning sensation came to the left side of my back. I saw the blood spilling on the bed and I could see myself lying on the white bloody sheets paralyzed from the pain. More images ran through my mind like a movie on fast forward until I found another flashback.

I was sitting up in my chair in the kitchen, watching as Yuri began drinking something out of a coffee cup. He looked up at me, his eyes burning into my soul.

"Make me a big dinner, I'm really hungry." He ordered.

"What would you like?" I asked as I began tying my hair up.

"Don't ask questions! Just do it!" He raised his voice and went to jump out of his chair.

I jumped out of my chair and began preparing for a big meal to make. Yuri left to attend to something important. He never told me what he wanted to eat so I had to play his guessing game. There was steak, pork chops, hamburger, and then there was a roast beef. For hours I slaved away over a hot oven and stove as I made him roast beef with vegitables, cheesely scoulped patatoes, mashed patatoes, dinner rolls and gravy.

He didn't come back til after the food was fully cooked. I kept everything covered so the food would stay warm for him. Let me rephrase that; I prayed the food would stay warm for him. When he came in the room he had a big smile on his face and was commenting on the smell of the food. I quickly gathered the food on a plate and handed it to him. Everything was fine until he put the food in his mouth. He spit the food out and gave me angry look.

"The food's cold!" He shouted as he slung the plate of food on the floor.

The glass shattered across the floor and a loud smashing sound echoed in the room. I jumped up and backed away from the broken glass that went flying over the floor. He grabbed me by my hair and shoved me into the stove. All the pots and pans fell down and the food spilled everywhere. I was slammed on the ground and I felt Yuri grab me by the hair.

"You stupid Bitch! Can't you do one fucking thing right?" He asked as he began to punch me in the face.

I gasped loudly as I gripped my pillow tightly. Connor's grip tightened around me and I felt bad. He deserved a goodnight's sleep with out having to wake up at 3 in the morning just to comfort me. I was a different story, I was going to have these nightmares forever but that didn't mean Conner had to be woken up by them.

"Another bad dream?" He asked.

"Yeah." I answered as I tried getting my breath back. "I'm sorry, I'll sleep on the couch from now on so I won't keep waking you up." My voice was soft.

"Hey." He rolled me so I could look at him and we were wrapped in each others arms. "Don't worry it's fine. It gives us alone time. I finally get you to myself."

He leaned forward and began to kiss me. That fluttery feeling came to my stomach again, something I savored. I smiled against his lips and continued to kiss him. Why did he have to have such an affect on me. He was as intoxicating as alcohol.

"Are you sure you want me to stay?" I asked in a tired voice as I closed my eyes.

"I love you, Jessie."

My eyes shot open as a bolt of fear went through me. Was I supposed to tell him I loved him too? Did I love him? Yes, I knew I did the moment we kissed but I didn't know if he was serious. He was a joker, I would have felt like a fool if I told him I loved him and he just started laughing. The only thing was he looked so serious. Connor was just so good looking and sweet that I couldn't imagine hurting him.

"I love you too." I kept my face straight and looked up at him to see his droopy eyelids covering his eyes.

"Good, now shut up and go to sleep." He kept his voice quiet and soft as he leaned his head closer to mine.

The next day the boys were back in business. Rocco had all their resources since he was the package boy. He knew everything. Where they lived, what they were doing, who they were doing and everything else. By the time they were finished with the breakfast and coffee I made them, they had a new target and were packing up to leave. I didn't want them to go at all. When you live with the mob for 5 long years you know they play dirty. The 3 of them were all I had left and I didn't want them getting hurt. Ecspecially Conner, but I knew I couldn't tell him that he couldn't go. I had no control over him. He was his own man.

When they all left I locked the doors and tried pacing back and forth. That only kept me entertained for a minute and that's when I said 'fuck it'. I turned on Patrick's radio, found a rock station and started to clean the house. All the ashtrays got dumped, trash got taken out, floors got swept and mopped, vaccumed, bathrooms got scrubbed clean and laundry was done. By the time it got to be about 5 I searched the cabinets and fridge for food but there wasn't much left.
Patrick's truck keys were on the table, only tempting me to go out. I had a right to do it so why not? If they could go out and play then so couldn't I. Before I left I wrote down my cell phone number on a piece of paper and headed to the grocery store. There wasn't much I could get but I had enough money to get everyone cigarettes and enough food to hold us over. I wasn't even finished checking out in the store when I got a call from a number I didn't recongnize.

"Hello?" I asked as I held the phone between my ear and shoulder while putting food up to pay for it.

"Where are ya?" A familar irish accent made me smile.

"I'm shopping, there wasn't much food so I figured I'd get us some food. Unless you didn't want to eat" I answered sweetly.

"When are you going to to be back?" Connor asked, then continued on before I could finish. "You shouldn't be walking around by yourself. Your knees are never going to get better."

I rolled my eyes. "Don't worry, I'll be home soon to cook you guys something to eat soon."

"Just tell me where you are so we can come get you." Connor kept his voice calm.

I began counting money and handed the money to the sales clerk. "I have my brother's truck. Now stop being so over protective or I will cut you off for a week."

"Cut me off of what?" He asked.

"You know, that one thing that men love." I hinted.

"Oh, now you're just playing unfair."

"Don't worry, you can set me straight tonight. Now, I got to go. I'll be home in about 20 minutes at the most."

"Okay, bye."

I hung up the phone and raced back to the house where I was greeted by the 3 boys. Connor and Murphy immediately helped bring in and put away graceries. As soon as I sat down by Connor and started packing my cigarettes he gave off a look.

"What?" I asked as I opened my pack up.

"Nothing, it's just. . .you had me worried thats all." He answered.

"Oh, I'm sorry my little baby boy." I gently pinched his cheek.

Murphy and Rocco laughed at my little joke. Connor just gave his 'what the fuck' look and I knew knew he was a little mad at me. I sighed as I stood up and straddled him in the chair. My arms wrapped around his neck as I leaned down and gave him a gentle kiss on the lips. He didn't bother kissing me back. I pulled away, now starting to worry. He always kissed me back.

"Come on, please don't be mad, I was just joking." My eyes searched his face.

"Listen, if you want to go out wait til we get home so I can come with you. I don't want you messing your knees up. They need to get better." Connor spoke in a reasonable voice.

"Okay." I replied as I leaned down and gave him another kiss, this time he kissed me back.

"Alright, now, love birds. If we can just get you guys to stop sucking face, we're really hungry and wanna know what's for supper." Murphy spoke in his irish accent.

Connor pulled away and looked me in the eyes. "I think someone's jealous." He whispered with a smile on his face.

"Me too." I whispered as I gave him a quick kiss then got off him.
"How does chicken alfrado sound?" I asked.

"Sounds good to me." Rocco commented.

"Anything to fill me up." Murphy responded.

I cooked the boys some food while they told their tales of they days deeds. After we ate I cleaned up and smoked a cigarette.

[Connor POV]
Connor lit his cigarette and kept his eyes on Jessica. She looked so beautiful, just sitting there, soaking up the spotlight. Her light blue eyes fluttered over towards him as she continued to smoke her cigarette. He felt like he couldn't have found himself a better girl. Their eyes connected for just a second and it was enough to give him a tingling sensation.

"Well, I'm going to call it a night. Goodnight guys." Rocco stood up.

"Aye. You guys coming?" Murphy asked.

"Oh no, I'm not ready to sleep yet." Jessica answered. "The nightmares are enough to make me not want to sleep ever again." She gave off a look as if she was really scared.

"I'll stay up with her and make sure she's alright." Connor looked up at Murphy in an assuring way.

Murphy rolled his eyes, balled up his hand and jerked it between his legs. Connor picked up an empty soda can and tossed it at him.

"Get out of here!" Connor ordered in a laughing voice.

Murphy laughed and began to walk away with Rocco behind him. Connor turned to Jessica to see her putting out a cigarette. Her eyes glued to his for a second then she got up and turned on the radio. He searched her body with his eyes as she stood leaning against the counter. Her body was trimmed perfectly, it was absolutely breath taking. For a second he smiled at her then got up and went to her. His hands placed themselves on her hips as he leaned down and began to kiss her. Excitement shot through him faster than a bullet as she wrapped her arms around his neck and rubbed up on him.

That fluttery feeling tickled his stomach and he just couldn't hold it in any longer. He picked her up and placed her gently on the counter. She was the only one he could see himself being with for the rest of his life. No matter how many good looking girls hit on him he never got into them. He only got into her the moment he heard her sing.
She opened her legs and kissed him roughly. He felt her hands begin to unbuckle his belt and felt that ball of excitement pit in his stomach.