Status: Finished

Golden Slumbers


Today was fucking crazy. After I called Till, I went to the hospital to visit my mom. She was in her room alone, lying on the bed. There are tubes all around her because she's malnourished and dehydrated. She looks awful.

Her eyes were closed, and she was so still I almost worried she was dead. I stood near her bed and started crying for the first time in a while. I can't actually remember the last time I cried.
"I'm sorry, mom. I'm so sorry." I jumped a little when her eyes opened and she took my hand. "Oli." Her eyes are clear and normal. I haven't seen them like that for too long. "Mom!" "Oli, baby, you're crying."

"I'm so sorry, mom. I couldn't help you." She pulled me closer til I was curled on the bed next to her, like when I was a kid. She stroked the hair away from my face and kissed my forehead. It calmed me down.
"Baby, you did fine. I'll be better now. I'll fix all the times I've missed out on." Her voice got a little choked. "I've missed out on my baby growing up. Look how big you've gotten!" Mom sniffed and kissed my forehead again.

"I'm an awful mom." I sat up and held her eyes. "You were the best mom ever. I'm lucky to have you." My mom started crying and reached for me, looping her arms around my neck. "I love you so much, baby. You're the best son.”
We sat like that until visitation was over. I kissed her goodbye and promised to visit again. It makes me hopeful that maybe I can have my mom back.