I Can't Not Love You

[Jack]

“All I wanna do is sleep now,” I groaned, rolling over so I was lying on my stomach on the couch in the back lounge. Alex and I had just had sex again on our day off and I was worn out.

“Flyzik would kill you if he saw you lying there naked on the couch,” Alex chuckled, lying on the other part of the L-shaped couch. He at least had the decency to put his boxers back on before lying down.

“What Flyzik doesn’t know won’t hurt him,” I mumbled, lying my face against the couch.

“Where is everyone, anyway?”

I shrugged, “They went somewhere, probably out to lunch or something.”

It was quiet for a moment, then Alex reached over and ruffled my hair slightly, leaving his hand on the side of my head gently, “Jack, I think we should talk.”

“About?”

“This...” Alex sighed. “Everything we’ve been doing lately. All the sex and everything. I think... I think maybe we should stop doing it so we can go back to being just friends.”

My eyes widened in horror and I shoved Alex’s hand off my head, pushing myself up onto my elbows, “What? Are you being serious right now?”

“Yeah... I mean, Jack, we’re really just friends. It was probably a bad idea to start fucking in the first place, but it was worth it, right? We obviously both liked it. I just think we should stop so we could date people and stuff without being questioned about what’s going on between the two of us,” Alex said, looking bewildered.

“S-so you were using me. I’m just your little fuck buddy?” I asked, my voice cracking. This can’t be happening.

“Jack, I wasn’t using you. We were just having sex, and that’s it,” he said, looking uncomfortable now.

“That’s the same fucking thing!” I yelled, getting up as I felt the tears come down my face. I grabbed my clothes off the floor of the back lounge, pulling my boxers and shirt on quickly. I was sobbing uncontrollably by the time I pulled my shirt over my head.

“Jack, come on! Why are you crying? What’s wrong?” Alex asked, jumping up from the couch and putting a hand on my shoulder.

“Don’t fucking t-touch me,” I choked out, pushing him away and opening the door, running to my bunk to hide in there. I was hiccupping as I cried and there were tears and snot running down my face, but I didn’t even care at this point. I buried my face in my pillow, unable to stop crying.

“I don’t know if it’s such a good idea to continue with this. I think maybe he’s just using you for the sex.”

Danny’s words from yesterday kept running through my mind. I should have listened to him. I was stupid to not ask Alex about that last night. He was right; I was too blinded by my love for him to think about the reality of the situation.

I’m so fucking stupid.

--------------------

[Danny]

“You suck at bowling, Danny!”

“At least I didn’t throw my ball into the other lane!” I shot back to Evan with a laugh, climbing onto the bus behind him. Rian, Zack, and all of us crew members had been gone for the past few hours because we decided to go bowling on our day off. Alex and Jack had stayed back on the bus to take part whatever kind of sexual activities were in store for today.

I opened the fridge to grab a beer and sat down with the others, who were sitting down around the front lounge. Flyzik suddenly frowned and held his hands up, “Hey, everyone be quiet for a minute.”

“What?” Zack asked, and Flyzik shushed him.

“Do you hear that?”

“Hear what?” Evan asked.

Rian frowned, “It sounds like someone crying.”

Everyone was quiet as we listened closely. I jumped up quickly as I realized what it was, dropping my beer on the floor and ignoring the crash, “It’s Jack!”

“Danny, clean that up!” Flyzik scowled, pointing at the broken beer bottle.

“You clean it up. I’m going to see what’s wrong with Jack. No one come back there,” I said, looking around at all of them with a serious frown. They looked confused but nodded. I ran back to Jack’s bunk quickly, passing Alex, who was walking up front. I opened the curtain slightly, poking my head in. “Jack?”

“Go away,” Jack choked out, looking up at me. His face was red and puffy, and there were tears all over his cheeks. Fuck, how long had he been crying?

“Are you sure you want to be alone?” I asked doubtfully. He hesitated for a second before shaking his head.

“N-no. Please stay,” he whimpered.

I crawled into his bunk with him, closing the curtain tightly, “Jack, what happened?”

“A-Alex... h-he...” Jack began, but he started crying even harder and I couldn’t even understand him.

“Shh, calm down, Jack. I’m here for you,” I said, putting my arms around him to hug him, feeling slightly upset watching him cry his eyes out. What the hell did Alex do to him to make him cry so much?!

It took a while, but Jack finally calmed down to the point where he wasn’t shaking with sobs. He pulled away from me slightly, wiping his eyes and nose. I glanced down and saw that my t-shirt had tear stains on it now. Oh well.

“Can you tell me what happened now?” I asked gently, looking at him. Jack took a shaky breath and nodded.

“Y-you know how you told me to talk to Alex yesterday?”

I nodded, “Yeah.”

“Well I didn’t. A-and I really should have. While y-you guys were gone we had sex again in the back lounge. We were lying there after and A-Alex said we should talk. He said that we should stop having sex and everything so we can go back to being ‘just friends.’ He said he enjoyed everything b-but it’s not really serious, so we should stop,” Jack said, eyes filling with tears again.

“What? He thinks that you guys can fuck for two weeks and then go back to being friends? Does he not realize that you actually like him?” I asked in disbelief.

Jack shook his head, tears running down his face as he whimpered, “I-I was just his fuck buddy. Someone he can just toss away like trash. I’m never going to be anything more than that to him. Do you know how embarrassing it is to be used like that?”

I pulled him back into my arms as he started crying again, feeling more angry than I had in my entire life. No one messes with Jack like that. Not even Alex. Especially not Alex. “Jack, you’re so much more than that. You’re not just a piece of trash. And I’m not going to let Alex get away with doing this to you.”

“I-I don’t even care anymore.”

“I’m serious, Jack. I’m going to talk to him right now. Are you going to be okay alone for a little bit?” I asked, pulling away to look at him. He shrugged. “Go in the back lounge, okay? I’ll send Rian and Zack in there to stay with you. I don’t want you to be all alone.”

Truthfully, I just didn’t want him to hurt himself like he had last month. But I wasn’t going to tell him that. I coaxed him out of bed and he headed into the back lounge, and I walked up front. Everyone else was still up here, including Alex. I motioned for Rian and Zack to come with me and they did so, looking confused.

“Go comfort Jack, please. I don’t want him being alone,” I said in a quiet tone, leading them to the back and opening the door to the back lounge. Jack looked up, eyes still red from crying and his cheeks streaked with tears.

“Why’s he so upset?” Zack asked softly, so Jack couldn’t hear.

“It’s Alex. I’ll explain later. I have some ass to kick right now,” I sighed. They went into the back lounge to comfort Jack and I turned around, heading up front to find Alex. He was dead to me.