Forget Yesterday

While Emma was in his house, Jack forced himself not to think about Alex, or how Alex ran away. But as soon as Emma left on Sunday night, after whispering the words ‘the pwetty Awex man will come back Daddy, special people always do’, all he could do was think about how the hell this situation was going to be fixed.

How could he get Alex back if he freaked out over Jack having a daughter?

Jack struggled to sleep that night, so on Monday morning when he had to go back to work, he sent a scathing text to Vinny (‘Thanks for your advice on keeping Emma a secret. Alex found out the hard way and ran. FML’) and got an equally scathing reply (‘You didn’t have to take my advice, dickwad. But shit, I didn’t realise he’d react that way. I’ll see if I can find out what’s going through his head’), Jack went into work with a bad coffee and a weary expression.

He really didn’t want to be around people today.

Most the secretaries and accountants avoided him for the first part of the day, until he got a knock on his door at 10am and the main secretary for his floor poked her head around the door.

“Yes?” Jack sighed.

“Uh, you have a visitor Mr Barakat,” she replied uneasily.

“I don’t have any appointments booked,” Jack frowned.

“I know, but he says it’s very important that he sees you. Said something about not running anymore,” she shrugged.

He? Running? No, it couldn’t be Alex…right? Why would Alex come and see him?

“I can send him away if you want. Looks a bit rough with a tattoo on his forearm,” the secretary said, wrinkling her nose.

Tattoo on his forearm! It must be Alex! Wait, calm down, Jack. Alex was the one that left.

“No, it’s fine, you can send him in,” Jack said calmly.

“Okay, if you’re sure,” she said hesitantly, before leaving the room.

Jack chewed his bottom lip nervously, twirling a pencil in his hands as he waited. What if Alex was only coming in to say that he never wanted to see Jack again? That would be horrible, even more horrible than all the situations Jack had put him through after Emma left last night. Alex was the first person he’d truly liked since Charlotte, so he didn’t know if he could deal with losing Alex, even though they weren’t officially boyfriends.

Three knocks on his door.

“Come in!” Jack called, placing the pencil down on his desk again.

Slowly his door opened, revealing Alex – who was holding a bunch of flowers.

“Uh, hi?” Alex offered.

“Hi,” Jack said a little breathlessly.

Fuck, Alex looks good. Like, mouthwateringly good. Is that a new shirt?

No, don’t get distracted!

“I didn’t know what flowers would be appropriate to say I’m-A-Jackass-And-I’m-Sorry-And-Really-Hope-We-Can-Start-Over,” Alex blurted.

Oh that’s adorable. Jack took the flowers as Alex thrust them towards him. Forsythia, honeysuckle and purple hyacinth – anticipation, devotion and forgiveness. Someone had arranged these well.

But he couldn’t crumble completely. Alex did hurt him, after all.

“They’re close enough,” Jack said simply, laying them down on his desk.

“G-Good,” Alex said nervously.

Silence.

Jack sighed softly. Looks like he’d be the one to start talking after all.

“Look Alex, I should’ve told you about Emma and…,

“No Jack, don’t apologise,” Alex interrupted, sitting down opposite Jack, “I shouldn’t have freaked out like that. Sure, it would’ve been nice to have a little warning but I understand why you didn’t tell me.”

Wow. That was the last thing Jack had been expecting.

“So you’re not freaking out anymore?” Jack asked hopefully.

Alex smiled softly and shook his head.

“No, I’m not,”

Jack bit his bottom lip to hide his grin but failed miserably, making Alex smile in return. Jack just gave a silent thanks to whoever helped Alex work out his issues. He would place money on Rian.

“Can you tell me about her?” Alex asked, smiling gently.

“About my daughter?” Jack asked, surprised.

“Yeah, about her,” Alex nodded.

“Alright, sure. Her name’s Emma and she’s 5 years old. She’ll be 6 on March 10th. Her favourite thing at the moment is a toss up between soccer and marine animals. She’s…a little odd, but I like that she marches to the beat of her own drum,” Jack mused.

“She…Emma sounds like fun. Um, w-where’s her mom?” he asked, his voice cracking slightly at the end.

Jack smiled weakly. He could almost hear the self-doubt in Alex’s voice. Something like where do I stand in terms of her? Jack would never have started anything with anyone if he’d still been with Charlotte, or still held romantic feelings for Charlotte. This should’ve been one of the first things he explained.

“Charlotte and I dated all through college. I thought we were perfect together. As our graduation ceremony ended, she broke up with me. All she said was that she’d been feeling strange about us and that we needed a clean break to start new – and separate – lives. I was heartbroken. Two weeks later she called me. The moment she said the words ‘3 months pregnant’, I fainted. Half an hour later, I woke up to see my mom talking on the phone to Charlotte with a sad smile on her face. I immediately manned up and promised to support Charlotte through everything – money, doctors, supplies, craving runs, everything. At the time I wanted to get back together with her, to make us a proper family, but I can see Charlotte’s reasoning now. Especially since I realised that I preferred men to women. I’m lucky that my friendship with Charlotte stayed in tact, and I was right there by her side in the birthing room,”

Jack smiled slightly, pausing as he thought over the memories of his daughter being born.

“The moment I held my tiny Emma in my arms, I knew I’d do anything for her. Charlotte and I worked out an agreement that I see Emma every weekend, from Friday night to Sunday night, and as much as I want to be more in her life, I’m just glad that Charlotte didn’t cut me out completely. Emma’s my world. All I want is for her to be happy,” Jack finished.

Alex sat silently for a couple of seconds, letting Jack’s words process. Jack just waited patiently – albeit nervously.

“You sound like a wonderful father,” Alex said softly.

“Thank you. My dad was a wonderful man, and I can only hope to live up to his expectations,” Jack said with a small smile

Alex swallowed heavily and looked down at his hands, making Jack frown softly. What was wrong?

“My dad died when I was two, and my step-dad is a manipulative asshole with more beer gut than common decency. Being a good father isn’t exactly in my blood,” Alex eventually whispered.

Ah, that was the problem. Alex was scared that he’d end up like a man he clearly despised. But what had happened there? What had made Alex so worried?

“Do you want to talk about it?” Jack asked softly.

Alex just shook his head.

“No,” he said shortly.

That was clearly the end of that discussion.

Jack sighed. “I don’t expect anything from you, Alex. I just want you to know that Emma is a big part of my life – it’s a package deal. At weekends, I devote myself completely to her and that’s not going to change. I’d like it if you would be part of my life with her, but if you don’t want to, I understand. It’s a big thing,”

Alex smiled to himself.

“You’re worth it,” he said simply.

Jack tried not to blush at those words, he really did. That really was just what he needed to hear right now.

“Um, I don’t know if it’s too soon to ask, but Emma’s coming over to mine for Boxing Day because she’s with Charlotte on Christmas Day, and I wanted to ask if you would join us for dinner?” Jack asked hopefully.

“You want me to meet her? Already?” Alex asked, surprised.

“Yeah, I do. I really do. I know we’re not officially boyfriends yet but I do want you to be in my life for the long-term, and that means meeting Emma,” Jack nodded.

It wasn’t long before Alex smiled and nodded.

“I’d like that,” Alex said happily.

Jack smiled in reply. Maybe this could work out after all.