Forget Yesterday

“Is that all my bags now, daddy?” Emma asked softly.

“Yeah, that’s everything,” Jack nodded.

Emma chewed her lip and looked around her dad’s house, almost like she’d never been here before. Jack swallowed heavily as he realised she knew she’d never be leaving again now, that she’d never go back to her mom’s when the weekend was over. This was it. This was her life now.

“Let’s take some stuff up to your room, okay?” Jack suggested.

Emma just nodded and grabbed the bag full of her stuffed toys, immediately hugging one to her chest as she walked up the stairs. Jack grabbed two duffel bags and followed her. When he got up to the room, a lump rose in his throat when he saw her sitting on her bed, looking so lost, eyes wide and shining.

“What’s wrong, Emma?” Jack asked.

What wasn’t wrong?

“I…I miss mommy,” Emma whimpered, eyes filling with tears.

Tears sprung to Jack’s eyes and he tried desperately to blink them away. He needed to be strong for Emma, not to break down. She needs stability.

“Hey, don’t cry sweetheart,” Jack soothed, sitting down next to her.

Emma immediately crawled into his lap, fisting his shirt in her hands and tucking her legs beneath her. It was all Jack could do to hug her close.

“But Mommy’s gone! And she’s never coming back!” Emma whined.

Jack choked slightly, but shook his head.

“That’s not true, not completely. One day when it’s your time, and my time, we’ll see mommy again. But for now, she’s still all around us, she’s still here,” Jack said softly.

“Really?” Emma frowned, not understanding.

“Yeah baby girl, she’s still here. She’s in every raindrop, a tear from her to you. Every breath of wind is her laughter. Every flickering candle is her dancing. She’s always going to be with you, especially in your heart,” Jack explained, trying to smile.

Jack didn’t notice he was crying until Emma wiped her own cheeks dry with her sleeve. So he did the same.

“Thank you daddy,” Emma sniffed.

Jack just nodded. This was going to be so much harder than he thought.

“How about you take a nap in my room while I unpack for you, hmm?” Jack suggested.

“Please,” Emma smiled.

Jack picked his daughter up in his arms, carrying her down the corridor to his own room, tucking her under the covers and turning off the light. With a kiss to her forehead, he walked back down to her room, tears pouring down his cheeks as he went. How the hell was he meant to cope with this? How the hell could he bring up a small girl all on his own without Charlotte? They were meant to be in this together, even though they weren’t together. Fuck.

Then his phone buzzed. Alex.

Hey, are you home yet? X

Alex. Of course, Alex was there for him too. Maybe he wasn’t completely alone.

Yeah, just got back. Emma’s down for a nap now so I’m going to unpack for her x

He reached for the first bag and emptied it while he waited for Alex’s reply. Shit, he’d need to buy a bigger wardrobe for all her clothes. How did a 5 year old girl own so much?!

I know none of this will be easy for you, but if you need anything, and I mean anything, like grocery runs or washing your car or anything to take the pressure off, I’ll do it. I’m here for you however you need me x

Jack whimpered slightly without being able to stop himself. How had he got so lucky? How did he manage to have such a wonderful understanding boyfriend? Fuck.

Thank you. I really appreciate that x

What? He didn’t know what else to say. By the time Alex replied, Jack had put away one duffel bag of clothes and started on the next one.

No problem. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay? You and Emma need some alone time. Don’t forget, if you need anything…x

Jack just smiled and closed his phone. Maybe he could do this. Maybe, with Alex, he could cope.