The Story Left Untold

"Sebastian!" I hiss lightly. "Not now. Mommy has to go."

Bast looks at me like I was crazy, his tail wagging ceasing when he sees my face. Peyton was sitting by the staircase, her head cocked to the side like she knew I was leaving. But she's just a dog. She doesn't know anything, right?

I could hear Alex's snores floating down the hall, hitting me in the face like a slap. My top teeth were digging into my bottom lip as I glance at our open doorway.

He's always looked so peaceful when he slept. Nothing's changed.

My eyes wander to my two suitcases placed by the door, waiting for me to pick them up and take out to the cab. I just couldn't connect the nerve endings from my brain to my feet, unable to register that I should start walking. The sounds of Alex's snores were echoing in my head, as if gluing me to the spot.

I have to leave. I can't stay here. I can't stand the heartbreak anymore. I know he's been home longer than he's usually been in the past, but every time he leaves my heart shatters.

How can I watch him leave for months at a time?

It's gotten to be too much. The big empty house, the whines of Sebastian from wanting Alex, the cold bed, the silence, the constant fighting—I can't take it anymore. I need someone who will be there all the time. Not someone who will be there for me only six months out of the year.

Peyton's chilly nose was suddenly touching the bare skin of my foot. I gently push her away, giving her a ruffle on the head. I felt the sadness swarming inside of me.

I grab my shoes that were next to my suitcases, pulling them onto my feet. Alex's snores were softer now, which told me he was close to waking up. I hastily take hold of my bags, gently opening the front door.

I catch sight of the yellow cab that was waiting for me at the curb.

My movements were noiseless, making sure Alex was still asleep as I set the bags on the front porch, giving the cab driver a one-second gesture. He waves me on.

I go back inside, tugging my coat on. Bast and Peyton hovered around me, whines issuing from both of their muzzles. I shush them quietly, but they just got louder as I move closer to the front door. I tell them both to go lay down with Daddy, but neither would bugger off. I groan, taking hold of Peyton's collar as she tries to jump up.

"April?"

I squeeze my eyes shut. Damn it. He's awake.

Alex's eyes shift over my clothes, noticing how my jacket was on and how my keys were on the table, the note I had scribbled sitting beside it. "Where are you going?" he asks, his eyes wide with confusion.

I clear my throat, pushing the dogs away again. "No where," I answer, trying to sound light, but it was more heavy if anything. That's when my boyfriend peered around me to outside.

He let out a little sound at the sight of my suitcases.

"Are...are you leaving me?" he asks softly, his voice broken. My teeth dig into my bottom lip, drawing blood. I curse, wiping at the wound with the back of my hand. Alex made no move to come help me from his position in the doorway of our his room.

I swallow, a lump gathering to form a knot in my throat. "It's for the best, Alex. I never see you and we both know the distance isn't good for—"

"The distance doesn't matter."

"Yes it does. Can't you see it's taken a toll on our relationship?"

"Only because you're letting it," Alex replies, his voice hoarse as if he were trying to hold back tears. And the thought of Alex crying made my vision get blurry.

I sniff, wiping at my eyes. "It takes two people to have a fight," I tell him, my own responses choking slightly. "I can't do it anymore, Alex. I think it's better if I leave. Give you the freedom to tour more and I won't be a burden you have to come home to every time you have a break."

"Whoever said you were a burden?" he asks, his voice incredulous. He takes a few steps forward, moving out from the hallway. "Do you know how I would feel if you left? I can barely do it when I'm not here with you, roaming the country without you by my side, and not having you in my life at all would just kill me!"

"Then why do we keep arguing about it?!"

"Because we love each other! And that's what couples do! They fight!"

A tear escaped out of the corner of my eye and I hastily smudge it off my cheek. I didn't want Alex to think I was weak.

"So you're just going to give up?" he asks, his voice sounding like it was tied to 100 pound barbells. "You're not even going to try to stay and work us out?" Alex looked so broken and so tired and so alone at that moment that I just wanted to crumple into myself.

"Do I have any other option?" I almost cry out desperately.

He sighs, dragging a hand through his hair. "Do you...do you remember the time we had that black out from the storm?" he asks quietly, his nose bright red.

"What does that—"

"Just answer the question, April."

I gulp again, crossing my arms over my chest. "Yes."

"And...since the heater was off and it was December, we pulled the mattress off the bed so Bast and Peyton could sleep with us, and we had curled up under the big comforter from the closet?" He expected me to respond, so I nod my head. "And as we were laying there, just listening to the thunder, you had whispered 'I love you' to me for the first time?" He breaks off as he sobs. "And I couldn't help but feel that I was whole, laying there with the three most important things to me surrounding me."

Tears began sprouting from my eyes, and I couldn't help but let them fall.

"And the best thing about being with you April, is that you're my best friend," Alex continues, sounding defeated. I let out a muffled gasp. "I can tell you everything and you don't judge me. You just let me spill my heart out and I don't have to worry about you hating me for it."

"I could never hate you, Alex," I sniff. "I love you too much."

"Then why are you leaving?"

"Because if you loved me, you would be here with me, more than 100 days out of the year," I tell him, using my hand to clean the tears off my face. "You don't seem to understand how utterly alone I feel every time I have to wave you off at the airport."

"You don't think I miss you whenever I go off for tour? Do you think the moment I leave Maryland I just forget all about you?" His breaths were short, tears leaking from his eyes now.

I stay silent. Because if I were to answer that question, I would be saying, "Yes."

Alex shakes his head. "I can't believe after two fucking years, you still don't think I care about you." He scoffs through his crying. "Do you even know me at all?"

"Of course I know you! But sometimes I can't help but think—"

"But nothing," he cuts me off flatly. "You're just scared."

"Scared of what?"

Alex takes a breath, shaking his head slowly, again. "Jack told you didn't he?" He looks up at me from behind his hair, his eyes wide and telling me to stay.

"Told me what?" I ask, pretending to not know what he was talking about.

"I can tell your lying," he says bluntly. I just noticed that he was standing a mere six inches from me. "Jack told you about my plans for Friday, right?" And I don't know what made me tell him; maybe it was the way he was looking at me, or the way he looked so broken and mad, but I finally spewed.

"Yes," I release, "he told me."

"That bitch," he mutters. Then louder, "What did he tell you exactly?"

I felt so ashamed, so ashamed, that my stomach went queasy. "He told me you were going to take me out to dinner. And then propose." Just saying the last word made the metallic taste of blood in my mouth heighten.

"And you freaked and were going to run."

I hesitate, but nod. "Yes."

The tears from his face and eyes were gone, leaving him looking lost and somewhat knowing. "Then leave. If the idea of committing yourself to me frightens you that much, I don't want you to waste your time on me anymore."

"But I want to waste my time on you."

"Then stay."

I sigh, feeling so unbelievably frustrated that I couldn't help but groan out. "Alex, I can't. I have to...you don't want me to..."

"I want you and only you, April. I don't know how else I can show you that. Except by asking you to marry me." He didn't look mean, or mad, anymore. He just looked calm and curious, waiting to see what I would do. And honestly, I didn't know what I was going to do anymore. He was making this too damn confusing.

"Then fine," I finally force out shakily, "I'll marry you."

Alex stayed frozen for a second before a grin creeps onto his face. "Are...are you...are you serious?" he asks, his voice an octave above it's usual pitch.

I couldn't help but smile as well, nodding my head.

"Thank you Jesus!" he shouts, sweeping me into his arms. I felt him twirl us around in a hug, before letting me touch the floor again. "God, April, you don't understand how happy this makes me. I need you in my life and I can't let you walk out."

Tears were running down my face again. I smile at Alex. "This is just too scary, Alex. I think we should postpone telling everyone and wait a few months—"

"Stop holding back, April," he murmurs, pecking me on the lips. "And just take a risk."