I Don't Know Your Face Anymore

Faye mumbled softly as a pair of arms lifted her up and cradled her against their owner.

"Sh..." Tason whispered as he carried her downstairs to the basement which doubled as his room.

"What time is it?" She nuzzled up to him, a yawn escaping her lips.

"Almost four."

"Okay." She started to stretch as he set her down on his bed.

"Go to sleep." He threw a cover over her and she nodded.

"Maybe." She rolled onto her side and he sat on the edge of the bed, stroking her hair out of habit. They may not get along but he still was protective over her. It was hard not to be with her gazing up at him with her doe eyes.

"Nightmares, again?" She sighed and nodded.

"I'm getting sick of it. They make me feel even more pathetic. I don't want to deal with it anymore." She met his eyes and the defeat in them stirred up old feelings. The feelings he had before nearly strangled him with their force.

She'd grown so much the past few years. She'd filled out her curves and her face was smooth. She'd just recently gotten her braces off. Her hair curled, perfectly framing her face. Her eyes were still wide and innocent. If you didn't know her, you wouldn't believe what she had gone through.

"You're not pathetic. You're handling it the only way you can." His eyes drifted to her hips where he knew for a fact was her usual cutting place.

"Don't look at me like that..." She sat up and leaned against the wall.

"Like what?"

"Like you're afraid I'm going to fall apart out of nowhere. Like I'm weak."

"Do you still cut?" Her face paled and he sighed. "Show me."

"No." He touched her cheek gently.

"Please?" She shook her head and he touched her hip. "I'm not dropping it. show me."

"Stop." She pushed his hands away and bit her lip. "It's not so bad anymore."

"Then show me." She sighed and lifted her shirt hesitantly.

"Don't pity me." She said softly. He met her eyes and saw the fire in them. "This is the only thing that helps." She was ashamed. He could tell by the way her hands shook and her jaw clenched.

Faye swallowed before she slid the waistband of her jeans down slightly. She didn't pull them down too far, but just enough that Tason could see a fraction of it. Her fresh wounds, and her scars, screamed for him to save her. For him to make it stop.

But he couldn't. He couldn't save someone else when he wasn't even able to save himself. From the guilt of knowing that it was her fault.

His eyes examined her. And the image of the way she was when he found her hit him just as hard as it did when it happened.

He saw the way her bare skin seemed to glow in the moonlight that crept through the trees. The dark liquid that coated her thighs and her breasts. The scratches on her cheeks mimicked the tears that mixed with her blood. She was squeezing her legs shut tightly and she shook uncontrollably. She was still screaming. Her blood littered the bark of the trees. A note was pinned above her, to the noose that was tied tightly to a branch but was loose around her neck.

X marks the spot.

There was an 'x' carved across her torso. He swore he could see a rib.

Someone had beaten, raped, and left her to die.

"Tason?" She whispered.

He snapped out of it and realized he was gripping the hem of her shirt tightly. His breathing was labored and he couldn't calm his heartbeat.

"Faye...I'm so..." He shook his head and bit the inside of his cheek.

"I...I'm tired." He pulled his hand back and got off of the bed.

"Sorry. I'll let you sleep now." Panic flashed across her face and her mouth worked noiselessly. "Goodnight." He stretched and started to walk out. Forcing himself to turn away from her. It was the same thing every time. He would leave her to face the terrors of her dreams and he would slip into his own.

"Don't. Not again." She whispered. "Don't leave me," she pleaded brokenly. "I need you." He squeezed his eyes shut.

"I'm sorry." He started up the steps.

"I'm sorry I'm not good enough for you." He froze and turned to see if her face held the same venom her voice had. Misery lined her features and her nails were digging into her wrist. She probably thought he wouldn't notice it, he figured as she hid it.

"That doesn't have anything to do with-," she shook her head.

"I'm dirty. I'm rotten. I'm ruined." She smiled as tears threatened to spill over onto her cheeks. "I'm not good enough for anyone. The only reason anyone has anything to do with me is out of pity. You hate me now. Jace will. My mom has. She tells me all the time. I drove my dad away. I drove every man who ever wanted her away. So she's alone and miserable now. Because I ruined her life. So someone ruined mine. Karma, she said." She laughed sadly. "I'm disgusting. I practically asked for it. Who the hell runs around the woods alone in the middle of the night? Who's stupid enough to think this is a safe, quiet town where nothing bad ever happens? I thought I was invincible. I challenged them." A sob broke her and he could see her shattering.

"Stop that." He begged. His footsteps were silenced by the carpet as he made his way back to her. "Stop crying. For me."

"I can't." She whimpered. "I'm so scared of everyone. Everyone gives me that look that they did. And then they look so disgusted with me when I turn away. I don't want to hurt anymore. Tason, please. Make it stop. Make it go away...Please." She was in hysterics now.

"Have you told Jace? What your mom said?" She shook her head.

"I can't. He thinks I'm safe there. He thinks I'm almost okay." Her hands gripped her hair and she began rocking back and forth. "I want to die. I hate myself." She sobbed.

"Come here." He sat on the bed and she hesitated.

"I can't touch you. You told me never to touch you ag-," his arms wrapped around her and pulled her to him. She started crying harder, her fingers digging in his back, her face buried in his chest. "I lost you. I lost you." He stroked her hair and held her tightly. "I need you. I still need you."

"I'm sorry." He actually felt a tear slip down his cheek and he sighed, frustrated, as he forced the rest back. Guys weren't supposed to cry.

"I loved you. I...I can't stop. Make it stop. Please...Please?" His heart dropped. No... She couldn't love him.

"Stop crying. Please stop..." She muffled her sobs in his shirt and he held her tightly as she clung to him.

"I need you."

"I...I know..."

"You're going to leave." She pulled away and struggled to stop crying.

"I was never here." She nodded defeatedly.

"I figured..."

"You'll always be...I mean...You're not worthless, Faye. God, you're so far from that. You're....perfect." She laughed sarcastically and lifted her shirt. Scars crisscrossed across her sides as letters overlapped and melded together. And that one slashed across her chest mixing with the words and the jagged cuts.

"Perfection means no flaws. No one's perfect." She trailed a hand over all of the insults she'd given herself. "Ugly, marred, disturbed, terrible, terrorist, fat, fucked-up, morbid, anorexic, bulimic, bipolar, depressed, emo, shit, trash-," Tason covered her mouth with his hand.

"Shut the fuck up. You're fine." She glared at him and pushed his hand away.

"Who asked you? What right do you have to tell me how to feel about myself? You hate me."

"I don't."

"You do. You won't look me in the eyes. You've told me I was disgusting."

"Why do you take the things I say so literally?"

"Because what you say mattered to me. I practically clung to your every fucking word."

"You're not disgusting. I only said that because I was trying to keep you away from me. I don't fucking deserve you."

"You're right. You don't deserve me. You deserve someone beautiful. Someone smart, practically perfect. Someone without any baggage. Someone who won't ruin your life by constantly making you relive the past. Someone worthy of you."

"I had her once. And then I lost her." She inhaled sharply, pain filling her eyes.

"Win her back. She's stupid if she doesn't choose you." He took her hand in his.

"She won't come back. She's not the same girl, but in a way, she still is. She's beautiful, and kind, no matter what she's gone through. She's perfect. But I can't have her."

"Why...Why not?"

"I pushed her away for a reason."

"Why would you-," he shook his head and her voice trailed off.

He took her face in his hands and leaned his forehead against hers. His eyes met hers and he fell straight into them.

He pressed his lips to hers and the fire caught. He should have known he still had feelings for her. The second his mouth touched hers, everything burst. He wanted her. He wanted to keep her close and save her from anything that came her way.

He needed her.