Shakespeare

I’ve always had a thing for Sidney Crosby. It feels awkward to admit it now, seeing as I’m engaged to another man, and Sid has become my best friend. But even before I met him, I always thought he was one of the most attractive men on Earth.

It didn’t help the matter when I got to know him better. He was sweet and funny; he was great with kids. He genuinely cared about his friends, and he was one of the most intelligent people I had ever met. It was easy to see how I had been charmed.

But I was put into the friend zone early on, and we were destined for nothing more. Not that I complained; Sid was wonderful, and I couldn’t imagine life without him as my friend. But there was always this nagging doubt in the back of my mind…what if?

Maybe that’s why I stayed friends with him. Clearly I had some sense of masochism, as it killed me to know he was so close…yet so far. But over the years, it slowly became easier and easier. And soon, I fell in love with another man.

Sid didn’t react to my engagement, reassuring me that I had made the right choice. After all, why should I wait for a man who didn’t reciprocate my feelings?

That’s what I thought, anyway. But then, one day…everything changed.

It had been a typical visit. We had spent all afternoon playing Mario Kart, our laughter echoing through my tiny apartment. Of course, I had won, though I instantly accused him of cheating. Reluctantly he had agreed, which inevitably lead to wrestling on the couch.

I should have seen the signs. I should have known what was coming. But like a fool, I tucked my hair behind my ears, leaning over his chest, and told him I had to get ready for dinner later with my fiancée.

“I guess I’ll see you later, yeah?” he had said softly. A flicker of emotion passed through his eyes, and before I could react, his lips were on mine.

I should have stopped the kiss. I should have pushed him away and told him to leave. I knew that all I had to do was ask, and he would have backed off—he respected me enough to let me set the boundaries.

But I had been waiting for this moment for what felt like an eternity and, dammnit, it felt good. And after the initial shock wore off, I found myself kissing him right back.

When we finally pulled apart, our heavy breathing echoing through the room, I didn’t move for a long time. Guilt coursed through me. How could I have kissed Sid, when I was already happily in a relationship? It didn’t matter that I still had feelings for Sid; I was already in love with someone else.

“You need to go,” I whispered, unable to look at him.

Sid gave me a long look. “You can’t tell me you didn’t feel something,” he finally said.

“Of course I felt something!” I snapped, glaring up angrily at him. “I’ve felt something since the first time we met. You were never interested!”

This seemed to surprise him. “What do you mean?” he queried, his eyes softening in realization.

I shook my head, biting my lip. I had said too much. “I just….I can’t—“ I began, but before I could continue, Sid’s lips met mine once again.

At first, I did try to resist. But this time, Sid knew I wanted it just as much as he did. Soon, we melted into a blaze of passion and lust, our hands and lips roaming freely against each other. Buttons clattered daintily to the floor, impatience on both our parts causing them to fall off our garments.

Suddenly, Sid stopped. I whined, all modesty and dignity gone, arching my back to press into him. I wanted him. I needed him. Sid, however, merely pressed his finger to my lips, temporarily silencing me.

“Leave him,” Sid whispered, gently pressing his forehead against mine. At first, I wasn’t entirely sure I had heard him correctly. “Leave him, ” he repeated after a moment, an unmistakable hint of urgency in his tone. It wasn’t a question—it was a demand.

“We’re engaged,” I whispered back, “It’s not that easy.”

“That means nothing,” he replied before briefly pressing his lips to mine. “Leave him. Be with me.”

“Sid,” I groaned, “he’s your teammate. I can’t just break off our engagement to chase after some silly new relationship.”

A pang of pain shot through Sid’s eyes, but he quickly shook it off. “I’ll treat you better than he ever could. Please,” he begged persistently.

I used my fingers to brush his hair out of his eyes, unsure of how to react. “I love him, Sid,” I said quietly, my resolve wavering.

“More than you love me?” he asked seriously, his dark eyes burning with an intensity that I had never seen before.

I didn’t answer.

After a moment, Sid pulled away, taking a step back. I tried to grab his arms and stop him, but he easily evaded my grasp. I’m not sure what I would have said, anyway. How can you explain something that you yourself don’t completely understand?

He didn’t say anything as he pulled his shirt back on, nor when he grabbed his keys off the counter. I couldn’t move, let alone stop him, despite the voice screaming inside of my head. I half expected him to walk out the door without even acknowledging my presence, so I was surprised when he turned around.

I wish he hadn’t.

I could see the pain in his eyes, yes. But I could also see the determination. I knew in that instant that he had no intentions of giving up on me, and I wasn’t entirely sure I could convince myself to give up on him, either. But I knew one thing—the famed, fiery look in Sidney Crosby’s eyes made me know that he was going to fight.

I cringed and looked away quickly. My eyes shut tight, attempting to block out the image. But no amount of darkness could keep the mental picture away, and I knew as long as Sid was fighting for me, I wouldn’t be happy in my engagement.

I heard the door click shut behind him, but it took awhile for my mind to register that he had left. Pulling my feet underneath me, I sat on the edge of my bed, simply breathing in his scent. It had permeated my entire apartment from his extended stay, causing my already whirling thoughts to spin faster. There was no ignoring or forgetting what happened.

I’m not sure how much time passed. It could have been minutes. It could have been hours. The next thing I knew, there was a rapping at my door, and my feet were carrying me as fast as they could. I knew it would be Sid before I opened it. I was going to fling myself into his arms. I was ready to break off my engagement for him.

But it wasn’t Sid. Instead, Jordan Staal stood there with that damn cheesy grin on his face and a bouquet of flowers in his hand.

My resolve broke. Jordan was everything I needed and more. He was dependable and loyal. He was funny and kind, and I always had fun with him. And most importantly, I was in love with him. Why was I even considering Sid?

I had to forget Crosby. My future would not include him. He would be my friend and nothing more…if we could even still be friends. I hoped desperately that whatever had happened wouldn’t ruin that, but I knew I was just kidding myself. Things would never be the same between us again.

Mustering the last of my strength, I forced a smile. “Hey Jordan,” I managed as he pulled me into his arms.