Sweet Blasphemy
Another night another score
**Jenna’s PoV**
I stared out at our sold out crowd, the first show in our new home town, and all I could feel is empty. I couldn’t help but wonder where this gut wrenching feeling had suddenly come from. Glancing across at Cameron, I was just in time to see him frown in concern. I sighed and shook my head, trying to shake of the feeling of helplessness that had suddenly fallen on me like a blanket. “Ok guy’s we’ve got one last song for you all tonight, this one’s called Morphine Lollypop” I shouted into my microphone, behind me I heard my sister start to play the opening beat of the song as the crowd started to scream.
Half an hour later, I was sitting in our dressing room, trying to ignore my sisters frosty glare, but she was seriously starting to make me squirm. I knew she blamed me for having to move to L.A, but it was beside the point. I turned to glare at her “Would you fucking stop?” I demanded crankily, Lexis opened her mouth to snap back, but closed it again as our little sister Selena walked in, trailed by our big brother Dean. “Oh my god, Jen, you looked amazing up there tonight. That crowd went crazy” Selena gushed, I just shrugged and turned back to the mirror, seeing her hurt look reflected in the glass, before I dropped my gaze to my make-up kit. “C’mon Sel, we better leave the girls to it. We’ll see them at home” Dean told her, shooting me a look that told me he’d be having words with me later. I watched as Selena grabbed her bag from the end of the couch and gave Lexis a hug. She hesitated for a minute before coming and wrapping her arms around my neck. I gave her a small smile as she let go, before turning to watch her leave. A few seconds after Selena and Dean had gone, Lexis turned on me with a snarl “That was fucking mean. How can you be so rude to her, she’s hurting just as much as we are” Lexis snapped at me. “Because I don’t know how to deal with her anymore” I snapped back, before throwing my things into my bag and stormed from the room.
**Lexis’s PoV**
I watched Jen go, hardly knowing what to say. Ever since mom died, no, since mom was diagnosed with cancer, she’d been so different. Now I looked at her and I wasn’t sure if I knew her anymore. “What are we gonna do?” I asked the boys, “What can we do. Jen just has to find a way to deal” Cam said, “Besides, her breakdowns coming, we just need to be here for her when it happens” Jayden said. “But she’s making it so difficult” I complained. Alex nodded. “That’s cos she’s lashing out at everyone. She’s angry” I knew they were right but it didn’t make her any easier to deal with. With a sigh, I climbed to my feet and started gathering up my things, as well as a few things that Jen had left behind, “She just acting out Lexis, she’ll settle down eventually” Cam told me, I could see the sympathy in his eyes and it just made me feel worse. “I’ll see you guys in rehearsal tomorrow” I said, turning towards the door amid a chorus of goodbyes. “Hey Lexis, Can you text me when Jen gets home” Jayden asked, I just nodded and left, making my way towards the car park at the back of the venue, hoping Jen hadn’t taken the car when she’d left. I was a little surprised to find our cherry red Chevy Camero still sitting where we’d parked it a few hours ago. “Hmm, I guess she didn’t take it.” I said to myself as I unlocked the door, raising an eyebrow in surprise when I saw Jen’s bag sitting on the passenger seat. “But she did leave her shit behind” I added, shaking my head, as usual, I was left to carry the bags. There are days when I wish I was ballsy enough to act out the way that Jen did, but there were other days I resented her for it, especially the day she got expelled from our high school in Minnesota. Why you might ask? Well, she was caught having sex with the quarterback from a rival school. And not just anywhere, but on the head masters desk! I was furious when I found out, it wasn’t bad enough that she had a one night stand nearly every night but to let all of our friends know the person she’d become, that was…… there really is no words for what she did. With another shake of my head, I slid into the driver’s seat and threw my bag on top of Jen’s. All I seemed to be doing these days was shaking my head, and it always, without fail, had something to do with Jenna.
I wasn’t exactly surprised to find that Jenna wasn’t home when I got there, I knew she was probably out getting high or getting drunk or getting laid. It was always one of those three with her these days. It scared me to think of her out there doing something stupid and maybe getting herself killed. I wanted to be there with her at all times to keep her safe, but at the same time, the way she behaved disgusted me, leaving me feeling sick to the stomach. I was torn between kicking her ass and writing her off, but every time I tried to talk to her we ended up in a screaming match, and I felt so lost. It was times like these I wish that mom was still here, not that Jen had listened to her in the Last twelve months, choosing more and more to cause problems. All I could really do was be there when she finally self-destructed.
**Jenna’s PoV**
I lay on my back in…. (I think he said his name was Aiden) his bed, just watching him sleep. I don’t know why I did this, I always regretted it after, but the only time I felt alive was when I was having sex. I knew I disappointed my family but I just wanted to feel something, anything really, instead of this blank, aching hollowness. Even regret was a feeling. Ever since mom had died, well, if I’m honest, even before she’d died, I’d been numb, from the day we found out mom’s cancer had finally reached the point where it was terminal, my feelings and emotions had shut down, all I felt was empty. And for three minuted of feeling I was willing to whore myself out to any willing participant. i knew Lexis was disappointed in my, Selena and Dean didn’t get it and my dad had all but given up on me, I didn’t blame him for it but it still hurt. I felt like I’d been thrown in the deep end and didn’t know how to swim and I was fucking drowning. With a sigh, I slipped out of the latest guy’s bed and quickly got dressed, before silently letting myself out for yet another walk of shame. Was feeling something really worth all this? I was really starting to question it. I’d often thought of maybe having a boyfriend, but just the thought of setting myself up in the position to loose someone else terrified me, so much so that I was starting to push Selena and Dean and Lexis away. I was isolating myself for no other reason than out of fear but as hard as I tried I couldn’t stop myself.
When I got home, all the lights were off. I assumed everyone was asleep, but as I passed Dean’s room, I noticed light shining out from under the door. A quick glance at Lexis’s door showed that there wasn’t a light on, to which I let out a soft sigh of relief. I wasn’t ready to face her, not after what I’d just been doing. That was a fight that was gonna get really ugly, really fast. I tip-toed past her door before hurrying to the end of the hall, where I ducked inside my room, shutting my door and pressing my back to it with a sigh of relief. I turned my light on and jumped when it revealed a disappointed Lexis. She was sitting on the end of my bed looking…… well, looking disappointed. “Another night, another score right?” she asked, I gave her a hurt look, “Don’t Lexis, just don’t. I feel shit enough without you laying the boot in” I told her, frowning. “Oh, So you conscience has decided to pay a visit, has it?” she asked cattily, her words dripping with sarcasm. “I don’t need to hear this, get the fuck out of my room, now.” I snapped, struggling to keep the volume of my words down. “Fine, I will. If your majesty deems it ok, Jayden wants you to text him when you get home” she shot back before shoving past me and leaving my room. I almost wished she’d hit me, it wouldn’t have hurt as bad as her words had.
I stared out at our sold out crowd, the first show in our new home town, and all I could feel is empty. I couldn’t help but wonder where this gut wrenching feeling had suddenly come from. Glancing across at Cameron, I was just in time to see him frown in concern. I sighed and shook my head, trying to shake of the feeling of helplessness that had suddenly fallen on me like a blanket. “Ok guy’s we’ve got one last song for you all tonight, this one’s called Morphine Lollypop” I shouted into my microphone, behind me I heard my sister start to play the opening beat of the song as the crowd started to scream.
Half an hour later, I was sitting in our dressing room, trying to ignore my sisters frosty glare, but she was seriously starting to make me squirm. I knew she blamed me for having to move to L.A, but it was beside the point. I turned to glare at her “Would you fucking stop?” I demanded crankily, Lexis opened her mouth to snap back, but closed it again as our little sister Selena walked in, trailed by our big brother Dean. “Oh my god, Jen, you looked amazing up there tonight. That crowd went crazy” Selena gushed, I just shrugged and turned back to the mirror, seeing her hurt look reflected in the glass, before I dropped my gaze to my make-up kit. “C’mon Sel, we better leave the girls to it. We’ll see them at home” Dean told her, shooting me a look that told me he’d be having words with me later. I watched as Selena grabbed her bag from the end of the couch and gave Lexis a hug. She hesitated for a minute before coming and wrapping her arms around my neck. I gave her a small smile as she let go, before turning to watch her leave. A few seconds after Selena and Dean had gone, Lexis turned on me with a snarl “That was fucking mean. How can you be so rude to her, she’s hurting just as much as we are” Lexis snapped at me. “Because I don’t know how to deal with her anymore” I snapped back, before throwing my things into my bag and stormed from the room.
**Lexis’s PoV**
I watched Jen go, hardly knowing what to say. Ever since mom died, no, since mom was diagnosed with cancer, she’d been so different. Now I looked at her and I wasn’t sure if I knew her anymore. “What are we gonna do?” I asked the boys, “What can we do. Jen just has to find a way to deal” Cam said, “Besides, her breakdowns coming, we just need to be here for her when it happens” Jayden said. “But she’s making it so difficult” I complained. Alex nodded. “That’s cos she’s lashing out at everyone. She’s angry” I knew they were right but it didn’t make her any easier to deal with. With a sigh, I climbed to my feet and started gathering up my things, as well as a few things that Jen had left behind, “She just acting out Lexis, she’ll settle down eventually” Cam told me, I could see the sympathy in his eyes and it just made me feel worse. “I’ll see you guys in rehearsal tomorrow” I said, turning towards the door amid a chorus of goodbyes. “Hey Lexis, Can you text me when Jen gets home” Jayden asked, I just nodded and left, making my way towards the car park at the back of the venue, hoping Jen hadn’t taken the car when she’d left. I was a little surprised to find our cherry red Chevy Camero still sitting where we’d parked it a few hours ago. “Hmm, I guess she didn’t take it.” I said to myself as I unlocked the door, raising an eyebrow in surprise when I saw Jen’s bag sitting on the passenger seat. “But she did leave her shit behind” I added, shaking my head, as usual, I was left to carry the bags. There are days when I wish I was ballsy enough to act out the way that Jen did, but there were other days I resented her for it, especially the day she got expelled from our high school in Minnesota. Why you might ask? Well, she was caught having sex with the quarterback from a rival school. And not just anywhere, but on the head masters desk! I was furious when I found out, it wasn’t bad enough that she had a one night stand nearly every night but to let all of our friends know the person she’d become, that was…… there really is no words for what she did. With another shake of my head, I slid into the driver’s seat and threw my bag on top of Jen’s. All I seemed to be doing these days was shaking my head, and it always, without fail, had something to do with Jenna.
I wasn’t exactly surprised to find that Jenna wasn’t home when I got there, I knew she was probably out getting high or getting drunk or getting laid. It was always one of those three with her these days. It scared me to think of her out there doing something stupid and maybe getting herself killed. I wanted to be there with her at all times to keep her safe, but at the same time, the way she behaved disgusted me, leaving me feeling sick to the stomach. I was torn between kicking her ass and writing her off, but every time I tried to talk to her we ended up in a screaming match, and I felt so lost. It was times like these I wish that mom was still here, not that Jen had listened to her in the Last twelve months, choosing more and more to cause problems. All I could really do was be there when she finally self-destructed.
**Jenna’s PoV**
I lay on my back in…. (I think he said his name was Aiden) his bed, just watching him sleep. I don’t know why I did this, I always regretted it after, but the only time I felt alive was when I was having sex. I knew I disappointed my family but I just wanted to feel something, anything really, instead of this blank, aching hollowness. Even regret was a feeling. Ever since mom had died, well, if I’m honest, even before she’d died, I’d been numb, from the day we found out mom’s cancer had finally reached the point where it was terminal, my feelings and emotions had shut down, all I felt was empty. And for three minuted of feeling I was willing to whore myself out to any willing participant. i knew Lexis was disappointed in my, Selena and Dean didn’t get it and my dad had all but given up on me, I didn’t blame him for it but it still hurt. I felt like I’d been thrown in the deep end and didn’t know how to swim and I was fucking drowning. With a sigh, I slipped out of the latest guy’s bed and quickly got dressed, before silently letting myself out for yet another walk of shame. Was feeling something really worth all this? I was really starting to question it. I’d often thought of maybe having a boyfriend, but just the thought of setting myself up in the position to loose someone else terrified me, so much so that I was starting to push Selena and Dean and Lexis away. I was isolating myself for no other reason than out of fear but as hard as I tried I couldn’t stop myself.
When I got home, all the lights were off. I assumed everyone was asleep, but as I passed Dean’s room, I noticed light shining out from under the door. A quick glance at Lexis’s door showed that there wasn’t a light on, to which I let out a soft sigh of relief. I wasn’t ready to face her, not after what I’d just been doing. That was a fight that was gonna get really ugly, really fast. I tip-toed past her door before hurrying to the end of the hall, where I ducked inside my room, shutting my door and pressing my back to it with a sigh of relief. I turned my light on and jumped when it revealed a disappointed Lexis. She was sitting on the end of my bed looking…… well, looking disappointed. “Another night, another score right?” she asked, I gave her a hurt look, “Don’t Lexis, just don’t. I feel shit enough without you laying the boot in” I told her, frowning. “Oh, So you conscience has decided to pay a visit, has it?” she asked cattily, her words dripping with sarcasm. “I don’t need to hear this, get the fuck out of my room, now.” I snapped, struggling to keep the volume of my words down. “Fine, I will. If your majesty deems it ok, Jayden wants you to text him when you get home” she shot back before shoving past me and leaving my room. I almost wished she’d hit me, it wouldn’t have hurt as bad as her words had.