Sweet Blasphemy

--Jenna’s PoV—
The next couple of days followed a routine. Dean would bring Selena in after dad had gone to work (Apparently he was against the idea of Selena visiting me.) they’d stay until an hour before dad usually finished then they’d go home, and Selena, without fail, would turn up wearing my clothes. Though, she made them look less slutty than I did. Lexis and my band mates would visit for an hour or so every day, but none of them knew how to talk to me. Jayden was impressed by my angel tattoo though. And then there was Ashley. He never left my side, at night he’d curl up on the bed next to me, and after the first night, the nurses gave up trying to kick him out and even supplied him food so he wouldn’t have to leave my side. I think, for the first time in a long time, I was truly happy. I think I knew, deep down, that this would never last though. And after about four days, Ashley raised the issue. “Were you serious when you said that your last manager…….” He trailed off. I sighed and looked away “That my last manager Raped me?” I asked, not looking at him. I heard him swallow before he replied “Yeah” he whispered. I nodded and looked down at my sliced up thighs. “That’s how all this started” I whispered back, feeling the bed give a little as he climbed up next to me and pulled me against him. I could feel the tears starting to form in my eyes, trying to fight the all-out panic that was rising and closing my throat. “When did this happen?” Ashley asked me gently. I shrugged “Um….. around the time my mom’s cancer went terminal” I replied, as I twisted and buried my face into his chest. “So ….. everyone assumed it was the fact your mom was dying that had you acting out” he said slowly, as if he was trying to process what I was telling him. “Why?” he asked, I looked up at him in confusion, Ash wiped away the tears that were trickling down my cheeks. “Why’d he do it?” Ash asked, I shrugged and crawled into his lap. “I have no idea. It was while we were recording and… and I’d stayed back to record some vocals. The band got totally pissed at me when I fired him the next day…..but I was terrified that he’d do it again, all he need was to be left alone with me again for it to happen” I said, starting to cry properly. Ash didn’t say a word but he held me tight, he clearly didn’t know what to do.

My tears had just about stopped when Scout dashed into the room “Bitch, Why am I only hearing now that you tried to kill yourself? I’m supposed to be your best friend” She demanded, trailing off when she noticed my tears “Jen?” She asked as she came over and climbed onto the bed “I just can’t deal with this shit anymore. I’m sick of nothing going right for me” I told her, Scout opened then closed her mouth before holding out her arms to me , I crawled over and hugged her “No Judgement” she told me when I pulled away. I smiled “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you” I whispered, but Scout just shrugged “Whatever. I’m here now. How was New York?” she asked, I shrugged half-heartedly in response. “She got a couple of tattoos” Ashley told her, I nodded and lifted my shirt to show her my side. “take joy in who you are, we know these wings are flawed. We’re bored to death in heaven and all alone in hell, we only want to be ourselves…… that’s the fallen angels lyrics” Scout said raising an eyebrow, I nodded with a smile. “They’ve helped me quite a bit with dealing with all the shit I’ve gone through” I replied. “And she’s got a fallen Angel on the back of her shoulder” Ashley told her, pulling back the edge of my singlets armhole as Scout crawled up the bed a little to have a look. “Oh… Wow Jen, that’s amazing” Scout told me, her eyes wide in wonder. “You like it?” I asked, before my attention was dragged away by the sight of two heads looking around the door.

“Can we come in?” Jake asked me, I nodded and he and CC walked into the room, CC was carrying a black teddy and Jake was trailed by a bunch of balloons that he tied to the end of my bed. “Here, we got you this” CC told me, holding out the bear, I took it with a smile. “Wow, he’s so cute” I told him, CC Grinned “Sammi helped us pick it. It’s from all of us” CC told me, before Jake interrupted “When he says us, he means Jinxx, Sammi and us” Jake added, “I notice you left Biersack out of that list” I noted dryly “Probably cos he hates you” Scout told me. I laughed “You don’t say” I replied, climbing back onto Ashley’s lap and snuggling back into his chest. I noticed that the boy’s eyes lingered on my thighs. “Yeah, I kinda made a mess of myself huh?” I asked, CC met my eyes looking slightly pale. “Why’d you do it Jen?” Jake asked me softly, and behind me, I felt Ashley tense up. “I don’t know. I guess…. Well, me and Lexi had a massive fight, and she told me to disappear…… so I tried, and I kinda failed” I replied with an attempt at an offhand shrug. “Thank god for that”” CC said, pacing at the foot of my bed. “There’s not more to it?” Jake asked, I shrugged “Yeah, but I’m not gonna share” I told him, after a moment, Jake nodded “Ok. Just promise us that next time you’ll try to talk to us?” he asked, I nodded in agreement “I don’t think I’ll do it again, I got scared when I saw all of that blood” I told them, no one said anything for a very long moment. “well, you have us to keep you sane” Scout after a long moment . I smiled and nodded in agreement

**Lexis’s PoV**
“I just don’t know how to talk to her. Part of me wonders if this is just a cry for attention” I said to Sammi, who watched me as I paced back and forth in her room. “Lexi, I think it was more of a cry for help. From what little I’ve seen of Jen, she appears to be losing it. Maybe she’s just starting to crumble under the pressure of putting on a face” Sammi told me. I gave a snort of amusement, “You think?” I asked, shaking my head, what Sammi was saying mad sense in a way but still, I was inclined to believe that this was just another cry for attention. “Lexi…. You said yourself not long ago that she’s changed, and I’m sorta leaning towards the possibility that she’s on a destructive path with no way to get off.” Sammi said, examining my face. I frowned, what Sammi was saying made sense, especially of late, Jen seemed to be tail spinning. “I suppose…..” I agreed half-heartedly, I think deep down, I still wanted to be mad at her. “So…. What do you think the deal is with Ash and Jen?” Sammi asked me, changing the subject. I shrugged “even if they haven’t said anything, I think they might be an item” Sammi said, nodding in a knowing sort of way. I shrugged “Jen doesn’t do relationships. At best he’s just her regular fuck buddy” I told her, Sammi stared at me for a long moment. “He’s way to concerned to be just her fuck buddy” Sammi told me, I frowned as I thought it over. Jen didn’t do relationships, they just weren’t her thing. “It make’s no sense” I muttered to myself, ignoring the know-it-all grin forming on Sammi’s face.

“Do you need helping it make sense?” Jinxx asked, joining us. I gave him a dirty look. “Ash is crazy about Jen, and it’s obvious she feels the same, call it what you want but there are serious feelings there. On both sides” Jinxx told me, beside him Sammi nodded. “Something’s going on there, but neither of them are saying anything” CC told us as he came in and dropped down into a sitting position on Sammi’s floor. I stared at him for a long moment, waiting for him to elaborate. “We were at the hospital a little while ago” Jake said as he came in, dropping down on the bed on Sammi’s other side. “And when we asked Jen why she did it, Ash got a possessive look on his face, almost as if he was ready to rip our throats out if we made her cry” CC added. I frowned, that was extremely weird behaviour for a fuck buddy to show, which was only making me think that things were way more seriouse with Jen and Ash than they were letting on. I shook my head “But…..” I trailed off, there was no real reply to the thoughts in my head.