Hesitating and Suffocating

Cally crossed her legs on the couch of Dr. Williams, who was Dr. Tex’s brother. Cally liked him very much, and he put the cup of chai latte in front of her and leaned back in his chair. His office was a modern image of black and white, and was very calming and relaxing. “So, Cally, I know everyone’s been asking you what happened and what you remember, but I have different questions for you,” Dr. Williams said, smiling a little. “Where did you grow up?”

“I grew up in New York, and moved out to Arizona when I graduated high school,” Cally said slowly. “Dropped out of college when I was nineteen. I took online classes for a while, but it didn’t work out with my busy work schedule at the pub. It seemed awful, to waste my life away in a pub, but I was happy. You know?” Cally kept talking, comfortable and completely being open with what she remembered. “I’ve known Gemma, who signed on all my papers after my release, since I was a kid. I moved to New York when I was three, and Gemma was four. She moved to England the same year I moved to Arizona. We stayed close, and the last thing I remember was being engaged to Howie and being in England with her and her fiance, Henry.” Cally looked out the window.

“Tell me more about Gemma. She sounds like quite the character,” Dr. Williams said, smirking a little as he leaned back further in his chair, hardly taking any notes but keeping a recorder on the table, though Cally hardly noticed as she spoke slowly and with a little more confidence than usual.

“She is funny and headstrong, and she cares way too much for me and I care too much for her. She’s happy, and I don’t think she’s ever been more than a little sad. She lost her dad a few years after I did, and we bonded over that. We’ve been there for each other through everything and I don’t know what I would do without her around.” Cally brushed her bangs out of her hair. “I’m just sad that I don’t remember her wedding, the best day of a girl’s life, and I can’t remember hers?” Cally thought she would cry, but before she thought too much about it, Dr. Williams moved on.

“Tell me about Garrett. He’s the one that called right?” Dr. Williams opened the binder of pictures Cally had brought. He wanted her to bring it to every meeting they had. “Can you show me which one he is?” He asked kindly, and Cally bit her lip, sliding on the floor and opening to the first page, where she was standing with her head against Garrett’s chest, covering her face with her hands. She pointed.

“Garrett’s really nice, and he seems like he honestly, truly, cares about me.” Cally shook her head, a slight smile on her lips. “I can see why I was so close to him all along,” She said, and her expression turned troubled again. “He invited me to go on tour for three weeks with him and his band. I want to. But it’s the same band John’s in,” Cally looked up at Dr. Williams. “You know about him, right?” Dr. Williams nodded.

“Do you want my honest opinion?” Dr. Williams asked, and Cally nodded. “I think it’s good that you want to go. It’s good that you trust him enough. It shows that some part of you remembers all the great things you and Garrett did together. But, I think that what you’ve written here about John is valid. That you don’t want to remember him now as he will be, hurt and confused and possibly angry. But Cally,” His voice caught her attention, and she met his eyes. “I think it might help your memory to see who was such a big part of it.”

Cally nodded, and Dr. Williams smiled too. “Thanks,” She murmured, and he stood slowly, handing her her binder and helping her off the soft carpet.

“I want to see you again before you leave for tour.” She nodded, and he held her gaze again, and she was struck by how attractive he was, and young too. She bit her lip. “Now, here’s your homework. Have Garrett or Pat or Halvo or anyone tell you stories of the times you spent together, and strain to find those memories. But don’t really stress yourself out. And Cally?” He caught her almost walking out his office door. “Have fun. You’re 21. Don’t let your injury hinder you from doing what you feel is right.”

Those words stuck with her as she walked down the long hallway towards the waiting room, where Halvo was tapping away on his iPhone and looked up, his face brightening as Cally came out. He smiled. “How was it?” He asked, and she whispered to the receptionist, who stared at her blankly for a moment before tapping away at her computer with her acrylic nails.

Cally shrugged, clutching the binder tight to her chest. “It was what I expected, really,” She said quietly, back to her near silence. “It was kind of nice, though. Talking things through,” She murmured, and Halvo nodded.

“Ms?” The receptionist said, sliding a card toward her. “Your next appointment is Thursday at noon, and Dr. Williams says to bring yourself some lunch while you talk.” Cally nodded appreciatively, and the receptionist gently touched her arm. “You’re such a beautiful girl. I hope the world is good to you.”

It hasn’t been so far, Cally thought, Why would it be now?

Halvo carted her away, chatting her ear off while they stood in the elevator back to his shitty car. “I was thinking,” He said, unlocking the car as she slid inside, tempted to hug her knees to her chest and cry. “How do you feel about going out to get ice cream? I know it’s your favorite.”

Cally was surprised by the smile that sprung to her lips. She did love ice cream, and Halvo was really trying to help her with something he didn’t understand. She nodded. “Thanks, Halvo,” She said quietly.

“What for? He asked, distracted by the maze of roads leaving the hospital. Cally’s voice was quiet.

“For treating me like nothing has changed.” She murmured honestly.