Hesitating and Suffocating

John himself leaned his head against his pillow around the same time Cally did, but instead of seeing the dance at the wedding, and their second to last mention of Sumner Murphy, John was remembering things a little bit worse, the worst memory of Cally he had.

Cally looked so beautiful, but as she hung off Pat’s arm, she looked hideous in John’s eyes. She was sparkling as she answered Kennedy’s question, all the couples huddled in the kitchen, drinking and talking about life. “Yeah, we are,” Pat answered for her, kissing her gently, sweetly, the way a girl dreamed of being kissed. But for John, it caused his blood to boil over as he turned on his heel, breaking off Sumner and standing on the porch, searching for invisible cigarettes as the door opened again, a flash of blue appearing in the cool air around him.

“John?” Cally murmured, looking like she was terrified of John. Yet her green eyes met his, and she gave a small smile. John was blindsided by her beauty up close, her bright dress complimenting her tan skin, her white hair making her eyes sparkle, her lips the perfect shade of pink. “John, you’re scaring me. Are you alright?” She said a little louder, capturing John’s attention back on her face.

“I’m fine, Cally,” He said coldly, like she was something disgusting that washed up with the tide. Her face fell as John continued. “I just needed some air.” John shook his head as he kept his voice rough and hard as Cally took a step back, surprised, putting her hands up in surrender.

“I’m sorry, John.” Her voice sounded broken, like he had completely annihilated her. “I tried, okay? Just remember that. I tried.” John opened his lips to speak again, but Cally was already gone, leaving behind only the sparkles that her being beside John, and the slight heart murmur she caused when she touched him.

John’s eyes opened wide in bed as he slowly came to a realization. The worst memory he had of Cally, he was the one being the ass. He was the one who fucked up, and he was the one who was ruining it all over again.

But before his brain could comprehend any of this, his eyes closed again, sleep overtaking him again as he remembered more of his time with Cally, his favorites.

Cally’s breath held in her throat as she snuggled closer to John, Garrett hovering around with a camera in one hand, waiting to catch the happy couple in their New Year’s kiss. The ball began to fall on the huge television screen, and John’s voice, soft and sweet in her ear, began to count down. “55, 54, 53, 52, 51, 50..” And his voice continued to count down as the ball came closer and closer. “10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...” And as his lips moved to count the last digit, Cally looked up at him.

“Zero.” Her lips moved to say the word as she pressed her lips into John’s, and John thought light was going to pour out of every hole in his body.