Hesitating and Suffocating

John looked at the picture on his phone, hiding out in his apartment. He had ignored calls from Gemma, who had been calling endlessly since the accident two months ago. He was afraid he’d have to talk about the funeral, because in his mind, he was sure Cally was dead. He couldn’t deal with that.

The ring box sat absently on his kitchen table, buried beneath song lyrics and guitar riffs and even pizza boxes. He couldn’t look at it.

His friends had scattered quickly, believing him when he said she was gone. John was hiding out at home, while Garrett and Pat and the rest of the guys decided to go on a vacation to Boston, inviting John. He couldn’t, he had to stay.

He sighed, closing the app with a swipe of his finger and burying his head in his hands. He couldn’t take it anymore, he couldn’t take the misery of not having Cally by his side anymore. He grabbed the vodka bottle and finished it off with a single swig, his second one of the past three days.

He was getting closer to the edge.

Cally rubbed her arm gently and tucked her hair behind her ear as she heard the news. She could be released tomorrow, after 67 days of pure torture and hell. Gemma was ecstatic, and the moment that the doctor, oh so kind, left, Cally grabbed her arm. She had made her choice. With John leaving, whether she was conscious of why or not, she knew it was a new age, an age of change.

“Gemma, will you do me a favor?” She whispered, tugging again on her dirty blonde hair, wanting nothing more than to begin the change. She only had one mission before, and it had to be done one step at a time. Gemma turned to the girl, her brow raised. “Gemma, will you go out and buy me black hair dye?” She whispered, almost afraid to hear the words leave her lips. Gemma raised her brows higher, if humanly possible.

“You wanna dye your beautiful gold locks black, darling?” Gemma whispered, sitting on the end of Cally’s bed, the IV getting in the way of a tender moment the two used to share. It pained Gemma to know that Cally didn’t remember her wedding. It just made her sad that the thing she would never forget, Cally would never remember. Cally nodded slowly.

“I need a change, obviously trying to go back to my regular life isn’t going to work.” This was the most Cally had spoken in days, weeks, and months. She was on a roll now, deciding that being sad over something and someone she couldn’t remember was pointless. Things were just ... rolling away faster than she could catch up. “I needed to start somewhere and-” Tears formed in Cally’s eyes, and Gemma hugged her tight.

“Of course I can dye your hair for you, baby girl.” She kissed her forehead and wished things were easier.