Hesitating and Suffocating

Cally sat across from the doctor, her mouth moving slowly as she explained what she remembered, not what she knew. “I remember Howie dumping me, and being really, really, upset. I remember taking the plane home from England, and meeting John, this mysterious John O’Callaghan. I remember liking him, but that’s when I stop remembering. I remember waking up in the hospital and screaming in pain, and Gemma holding my hand and crying, crying so hard that it didn’t seem humanly possible, and Henry just standing there, staring at me.” Cally wiped a few stray tears from under her eyes.

Dr. Tex was a therapist of sorts, dealing with memory loss patients. Cally’s history was interesting, at least the one Gemma provided in the space that Cally didn’t remember. This John loved her so much, Gemma had written, and was now lost.

While Cally sat with Dr. Tex, giving her background and began talking about the present and staying out of the past, Gemma continued to call each of the guys, finally getting through to Garrett. Gemma went through her rant, and before she broke down in tears, Garrett cut her off.

“I know Cally’s alive, darling.” His voice was calm, collected. “I went to visit her with the guys, except John, and the doctor wouldn’t let us through for a valid reason. She doesn’t know who we are. Meaning she doesn’t know who John is or how much he meant to her. So, forgive me, Gemma. We’re letting John believe she’s gone because we don’t him getting hurt by getting rejected by her, or her getting overwhelmed and forced into a relationship with him. We’re saving both of them. And it’s harder for us than it is for you, if you’ll allow me to say that. Because John remembers her. Cally doesn’t.” Gemma was in shock. It was smart.

“Look, I want updates, okay? Because I’m not bringing Cally back to Arizona if John’s going to jump on her,” Gemma finished after the two talked for awhile. Garrett, all the way home, smiled a little. He was helping both his friends, and Gemma was helping hers.

Cally walked out into the bright white hospital, a wad of tissues in her hands and an empty binder in her hands. She looked up at Gemma with wide eyes, her voice quiet and shaky, like it always was. “I have to fill this up with pictures from the time I don’t... remember, and you have to help me by telling me what happened in as much detail as possible,” She whispered, and broke down again in Gemma’s arms, everyone staring at the two.

Cally was terrified of living a life where she didn’t know what was happening, and she hated not knowing about her past. She hated not knowing how she got here and why this all was happening. She was terrified, and she was lost in a sea of past Callys, never sure which one was the actual Cally McGregor.

She was beginning to hate every part of herself.