Hesitating and Suffocating

Cally twiddled her thumbs in the waiting room, knowing full well that her best friend was discussing her future in there with her doctor. Her memory of that block of months had only improved slightly, but every doctor she saw agreed unanimously. It was time for Cally to go home.

“You think it’s a good idea to leave her at Garrett and Pat’s?” Gemma asked Dr. Tex nervously, admiring the many plaques on the wall behind the kind woman’s desk. Dr. Tex leaned back, and sighed, rubbing her temples gently.

“Cally is probably my favorite case ever, but also my most frustrating. It isn’t like she blocked out these memories, they were ones she obviously wanted very much to keep. But, she isn’t lost in this time. She knows the date, the year, all those things that make her like you or me, with fuzzy memories. I have complete faith that she could go to Arizona and create a new life for herself. And I want to believe that staying with the two boys she remembers most is best for her. But with her ... I’m just not sure. She’s very depressed, and I want her to go see my brother in Tempe once a week. Do you think that Garrett or Pat or someone could take her there?”

Gemma smiled a bit, much more comfortable with the plan now. “Of course they can. They love her more than anything else in the world.”

Cally wanted to go home to Arizona, too. She was depressed, and she was upset, and she was lost. But she felt none of this emotions, like a paralysis over her emotional state. And one day, she would break.

On a whim, she grabbed her battered BlackBerry and called the number in her phone called “Gare the Teddy Bear”, which she assumed was the same Garrett who was in most of her memories. He picked up on the first ring, his voice breathless. “Cally? Oh my God, I’ve been waiting to hear from you. How are you?” The voice struck a chord in Cally’s mind, and she vaguely remembered him, remembered his face and his obsession with Star Wars.

And she almost cried, but instead answered quietly in a voice she knew, and Garrett knew, was not her own. “I’ve been okay. Kind of fucked up, but 18 wheelers will do that to you.” It was a lame attempt at humor, and she knew it. “I just called to say that, in all honesty, I don’t remember much about what we did or who we were or who you are. I’m just ... I’m just asking you to be patient with me. That ... that I want to know what happened in those months I don’t remember and most of all, I don’t want to be a burden. If you don’t want me, please don’t take me.” Her words were shaky and watery and her heart broke, as did Garrett’s. A tear rolled down his cheek as he whispered,

“No, Cally. I want you here more than anything else. And I’ll tell you anything about your past that you want to know. I love you, you know that, don’t you?” He whispered, and Cally bit her lip. “I’ll see you at the airport, okay, baby? Give Gemma my love too. I love you.”