Like No Other

The house seemed even bigger on the inside, if that were even possible. What seemed even harder to believe was that even though the house was big, it just didn’t seem to be big enough for all these people. After the first eight people he introduced me to, the names and faces just started to blur together. I quickly noticed how every girl looked in the direction of Jeremy. And if Jeremy introduced me to anyone, especially a girl, I almost always got a look, and not a very nice one at that. I tried to be nice without being overly-friendly. I found myself getting claustrophobic just in the first twenty minutes of being there.
This wasn’t a good thing because following the claustrophobia was shortness of breath, dizziness, nausea, a tight pressure in my chest—all signs of an anxiety attack coming on. This always happened when I was at a party, or when I was around a large group of people. Memories flashed through my head—glass, blood, the smell of burnt tires, and gasoline. I couldn’t breathe. I needed to get out of there fast. I caught my breath and tried to look as normal as possible.
“Hey,” I reached out to Jeremy.
“You want a beer or something?” he turned and asked.
“Sure, meet me out on the deck?”
“See ya. Don’t get lost,” he smiled at me and picked his way through the crowd.
I could tell he was going to take a little while because he kept getting stopped. It took a minute to get my knees working again. They were still weak from his smile. But I eventually turned and made my way towards the French doors that led to the deck outside, taking deep breaths. It was even louder in the living room and there were bodies dancing all around me.
A guy stopped me. He was tall and lanky with jeans that were tighter than mine, which is just a little too tight for my taste. I could smell the alcohol on his breath from a mile away. He was clearly drunk as he grabbed on to my shoulder a few times to keep from falling and yelled in my ear loudly, asking who I was and saying a few other provocative things. I pushed him away and stumbling, he fell into another girl who he tried to provoke as well.
I felt a few more hands touch my ass and a few guys (even a few girls) try to grind up on me but I managed to get through the crowd as quickly as possible. As soon as I was outside and in the fresh air I felt a lot better. There were still a lot of people out on the deck too but not as many and the fresh air helped a lot.
“Cassie!” I heard a voice call my name. Turning to the left I saw it was Becca. She came up to me, sloshing around her red cup, containing beer I assume, and gave me a hug like we were the oldest of friends. “I’m so glad you decided to come!”
“Yeah, I just said to myself ‘what the hell’,” She was dancing a little and I tried to avoid her sloshing as much as possible.
She turned to her friends, standing behind her, “Guys, this is Cassie. I met her at No Regrets tonight,” she turned back to me, “Cass, this is Fran and Katie.” They gave me a small wave which I returned.
“Hey, I got your beer,” I turned and Jeremy handed me my own red cup. I noticed his can of Red Bull but didn’t say anything.
Becca and her friends looked at Jeremy, then me, then back to him and stared dumbfounded.
“Hi Jeremy!” Becca said loudly, smiling. She tossed her hair back and pushed her chest out.
“Hey,” he glanced at her and then looked off toward the direction of the beach. “Wanna go somewhere with me?”
“Sure,” I agreed. I waved bye to Becca and her companions, “See ya later.” They just continued to stare at us.
Surprising me, he grabbed my hand and led me to the stairs that went off the deck. I was self-conscious as I noticed Becca and her friends weren’t the only ones staring. When we reached the sand he let go of my hand. We walked silently for a while until I couldn’t stand it any longer.
He took a sip of his Red Bull.
I looked down at my drink, still feeling the warmth where his hand once was.
“Hey, you didn’t slip me a pill in here or something did you?” I asked him jokingly.
“Why of course not! Now would I do that?” he played along, amused.
“I don’t know,” I said looking at my phone for the time. “I’ve technically only known you for an hour and a half. Should I trust you?” I asked giving him the eye.
“Should you?”
I just shook my head and looked up at the sky. He laughed quietly beside me.
“You don’t drink?” I asked.
“Not really. I used to, but I’ve kind of taken the role as everyone’s ‘designated driver’.”
We walked in silence again. The silence wasn’t really awkward, like when you don’t know what to say. It was just simply the matter of we had nothing to say.
“You aren’t enjoying the party?” I asked, trying to break the silence.
“It’s not that. I just needed to get away. All this stuff kind of gets old after a while,” he looked toward the shore, studying it as if he was looking for the answer to all his problems.
“Explain,” I urged him.
The words just erupted out of him like he had been holding them in for a long time.
“I guess I’m just growing up. I’m sick of doing the same old shit all the time. I’m ready to move on to bigger things. I’m just starting to realize that life isn’t all about partyin’ it up on the beach every weekend and my friends just can’t seem to understand that,” I could tell he had more to say and he was questioning in his mind whether he wanted to tell me, so I just stayed silent while he got his thoughts together. “I’ve had a rough couple of weeks and I thought going to this party tonight would help me get out of this rut, but then I got here and I just don’t see what’s so appealing. I don’t wanna be here at all.” I knew there was something else that was bothering him, but I also knew how it felt to not want to talk about it so I didn’t push him any farther.
“Where do you want to be?” I asked him out of curiosity.
“Honestly, I have no idea. I just knew I needed a walk so I could clear my head.”
I was confused. “So why did you ask me to come along with you?”
“I don’t know, you just don’t seem into all this party stuff and I wanted some company, company that’s not always throwing themselves at me or stumbling drunk all over my toes.”
I didn’t comment, not knowing what to say. I stopped to take off my strappy sandals. He didn’t notice until about a few steps ahead. Then he turned and waited. I got my shoes off and held them in my vacant hand. We were at the shoreline now. I tossed them into the sand a few feet away and sipped my beer silently.
“I like you already,” he said after a while.
“What do you mean?” I asked, perplexed. “I didn’t do anything.”
He laughed at me, “That’s exactly the thing. You didn’t do anything.” He saw I was still puzzled so he explained further, “You haven’t tried to make any effort to make conversation with me like most people would. You just stand there and let me think, which is exactly what I need. I like it. It’s nice. Sometimes people try to push you to talk about your feelings when you don’t want to and I can’t stand that.”
“Oh, trust me, I know that feeling very well,” I said walking towards the water. My toes reached the edge of the white-tipped wave. “People just don’t understand that sometimes talking about it doesn’t make it better.”
“Exactly,” he agreed.
He kicked off his shoes and joined me at the water’s edge. We stood there silently a moment, enjoying the feel of the water lapping our toes. I could feel his stare on me after a while. I met his look. He was studying me again, like I had a foreign language on my face and he was trying to figure it out.
“What?” I said self-consciously, being the first to break the stare.
He looked away too and back out to the ocean. “Nothing,” he had his lopsided grin plastered back on his face. “Just you,” he said.
“What is that supposed to mean?” I asked, my voice getting a little higher in pitch. I was nervous. I didn’t like how he was looking at me in that way. Or maybe the truth was, I did like it. I liked it a lot.
He just shook his head. I was kind of relieved he decided not to answer. I didn’t know if I wanted to hear what he had to say. I changed the subject quickly, back to him before he changed his mind.
“So, someone’s got some admirers on his hands, huh?” I teased.
He rolled his eyes and shook his head grinning a little.
“What?” I said, “Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed all the girls, the staring, and the drooling?”
“Oh no, I’ve noticed, just haven’t paid attention to it,” he said surprising me.
“You know, most guys would kill to be in your shoes,” I told him.
He shrugged. “But I’m not like most guys. And besides, I don’t like any of those girls,” he said simply.
“Not even Becca?” I challenged him.
“The girl on the deck?” he asked.
I nodded. But he just shrugged again.
“You don’t think she’s pretty?” I asked in disbelief. Becca could have any guy she wanted. I had noticed the way they had stared at her. Her beauty was undeniable.
“No, she’s gorgeous. It’s not that,” he shook his head, “But beauty only goes skin deep.”
“Oh, gosh,” I said in spite of myself.
“What?” he looked at me.
“You sound like my mother,” I told him.
He chuckled but then his face got serious again. “Don’t get me wrong, Cassie. There was a time when I would have gone for a girl like Becca, beautiful and willing to give me anything I want, willing to do anything with me,” he said honestly. “I used to use girls like that all the time. Then, I just changed.”
I wanted to ask him what changed him. I wanted him to open up and spill his heart out to me right there on that beach. But I know how it feels to be on the other side of that. He will tell me eventually, and even if he doesn’t, it’s not my business.
I turned from the water and up a little to where I had tossed my shoes and sat down beside them. He stood at the shore a minute longer and then joined me on the dry sand. He lay back, looking up at the stars. I glanced up at them too.
The peaceful feeling ended too soon. Jeremy’s phone rang, the ringtone a familiar Beatles’ song. He mumbled an apology before grabbing it out of his pocket.
“Helloooo,” he answered it, carrying out his ooh.
I heard a deep voice on the other line, but not clear enough to make out any words.
“Shit,” Jeremy said. He stood up then reached out for my hand, and helped me up. I gave him a questioning look but grabbed my shoes and poured out the rest of my beer. He ended the call.
“Police just raided the party. That was Marcus. He said they were searching the beach. We need to get out of here,” he gestured to follow him and we practically ran back up towards the house where the party was once in full swing. Someone had stopped the music and people were scattering, trying to find their friends and their rides. We made it back to Jeremy’s van and had to maneuver carefully through all the other cars and chaos.
“Where are the guys?” I asked him, looking around the crowd outside the car, trying to spot one of them.
“Marcus lost Travis and Drake but he caught a ride home with our buddy Connor. I’m sure the other guys did the same.”
When we finally got on the main road he tried to call Travis and Drake.
“No answer,” he said after each time.
“Well, I’m sure they’re fine,” I assured him.
He nodded. “1:42AM,” he read the clock on his dashboard. “Do I need to take you home now?”
“I guess so,” I said, sad that our time was up so soon.
I gave him directions to Angie’s house. It wasn’t very far from where we were. Barely ten minutes later, we pulled up in front of the house. All the lights were off, which were good because it meant they didn’t wait up on me.
“They going to be worried?” he pointed toward the house.
“Nah, not too bad. What about your parents?” I asked him, reluctant to get out of the car.
“Oh, I live by myself. I have my own apartment,” he informed me.
I should have figured. He’s probably already graduated.
“Besides, even when I was living back at home, they were way too wrapped up in their own problems to bother to worry about where I spent my nights and what I spent them doing,” there was a hint of bitterness in his voice. His face lightened up after a while when he looked at me. “Sorry, touchy subject.”
“No problem,” I sighed and looked back at the house, “Well, I guess I better go. I had a great time tonight.”
“Me too, Cassie. It was nice. So, I’ll see you around?” he said, not desperately, but honestly wondering and curious.
“Oh yeah,” I surprised myself by grabbing a napkin on the floor of the van and a pen I had in my pocket from earlier in the day and quickly wrote down my number. Beside my name I wrote in parenthesis:

Cassie – (coffee/beach girl)

I passed him the napkin, and he chuckled to himself. I swear, each time he smiled I felt a little more nervous and anxious for our next meeting. I hopped out of the van. But before I could walk up the walkway of the house, Jeremy said my name softly out the window, catching my attention.
“Yeah?” I replied, butterflies gathering in my stomach for some reason.
“No need for the explanation of who you are. I won’t forget you,” and with that, he drove off, leaving me, once again, weak-kneed and wondering just what I had gotten myself into.