Smile For Him

It took barely ten minutes to get to the barn, and the entire time the car was silent. Louis kept his eyes firmly on the road, while Harry watched the houses flash past his eyes through the window. Both were deep in thought. Louis was confused. He knew Harry hated his home, but why today had Harry asked specifically to stay out? Just as Louis turned down a dirt path which Harry assumed lead to the barn he spoke, “Harry, why don’t you want to go home tonight?”

Harry licked his lips, not turning to meet the older boy’s eyes. “Someone’s going to the house tonight. Someone I don’t like. They’re staying for a long while, and I don’t want to be in the house while they’re there.” Louis sighed, a noise of frustration. Why did Harry feel it was okay to be pushed out of his own home? Sure, Harry hated it there, but Harry should never be so intimidated by someone that he felt he couldn’t even go back to his own home! “Harry, that’s not okay,” Louis stated. “That’s not right. It’s your house. You should never feel like you can’t be there just because someone else is. Who is the bastard anyway? Who’s going to be there?”

“How do you know they’re a bastard?” Harry decided to question. “Because anybody who could made you feel this way is a bastard,” the older boy replied without missing a beat. The car pulled up into what looked like a makeshift car park. The long grass had been flattened due to the amount of cars that had driven up and down the field. Through his window Harry could see the barn only a short way away. And if he were to look behind him he would be able to see his house, standing tall in the distance. “You didn’t answer my question.” Louis’ voice pulled Harry out of his daze, and Harry cleared his throat. “Oh. Oh, right. Um, i-it’s just some boy. We don’t really get on. My sister invited him over. I guess they’ve kind of got a thing going on.”

“What’s his name?” Louis asked further, switching off his engine and turning around for the first time to look at the boy in the seat next to him. Harry seemed hesitant. Not really willing to give out the name. But after an encouraging look from Louis, Harry said, “Bert Brooks. His name is Bert Brooks.” The older boy made a noise of disgust, clearly familiar with the name. “I know that dickhead. I’ve done some waitering for his family. Of course you know that, that’s when we first met.” The last sentence made both Louis and Harry smile for a second. But once again, Louis frowned, remembering this Bert boy was the reason for Harry’s upset. He exited the car without a word with a stern looking on his face, Harry following.

“L-Louis, are you okay?” Harry asked, picking up his pace a little so he could keep up with Louis’ long strides. Lou stopped suddenly, causing Harry to bump into the back of him. Turning around the older boy grabbed Harry by his shoulders, shaking him lightly as he said, “Don’t let that pathetic idiot push you around, Harry. Please. He’s not worth it. He’s pointless, and not as powerful as he thinks he is. Deep down inside I know he’s just a stupid boy who believes he can push other people around because his parents are rich. I...he just...I don’t want to see you get hurt. Not anymore. You will tell me, won’t you Harry? You will tell me if he hurts you? Because I can sort him out. If you want me to. Because I can’t stand to see you like this.” His eyes were wide and pleading. It actually caused Harry to look away. Those eyes were unbelievable to him. Never had he seen such caring eyes. It hurt. It physically hurt to see those eyes. Because nobody had ever cared for him so much. “Harry?” Louis whispered, using his thumb and finger to turn Harry’s head back to him. Harry looked back into those blue eyes. His own green eyes were stinging, with tears threatening to fall. “I promise,” he whispered back.

A smile lit Louis’ face and the two continued walking. Occasionally Louis’ hand would brush against Harry’s, and he had the strong urge to take a hold of it. But Louis was frightened that he was moving too fast. The kiss last night was daring enough. He couldn’t risk ruining what they had. But every time his hand would lightly touch Harry’s his heart leapt at the contact. He felt electricity course through him. It was weird, if he were honest. Such small physical contact caused Louis’ insides to break down. He just wanted to wrap his arms around the curly-haired boy and pull him close and never let go.

But Louis grinned and bared it. Controlling himself all the way to the barn, where they stood outside of the entrance. “So, this is it.” Louis said, casting his eyes over the familiar building. As he looked at Harry he could see an odd look in his eyes. Amazement, wonder, even bewilderment. He was fascinated by the place. Utterly fascinated. “Do you want to go inside?” he asked. Harry blinked and looked towards him, nodding enthusiastically. Both boys walked inside. The smell of damp wood hit Harry as soon as he stepped in. The place was so big. With haystacks piled up in one corner. Empty beer bottles sat on shelves and boxes, while cigarette butts littered the floor. Over on one side sat what looked like a DJ booth and various amps and speakers. The place seemed to have a certain energy. It was clear to Harry why the place was so popular. He loved it. He didn’t know why, but he loved the power he felt from simply being in the room. He felt free. It made him want to smile, and laugh, and sing.

“Do you ever go here?” Harry asked as he walked around the place. With every step he imagined the fun people had. Dancing drunkenly, smoking drugs, having sex...it was wild. It felt wild. “Yeah, sometimes. I guess you can tell it’s a great place for a party,” Louis licked his lips and swiftly changed the subject, “Listen, won’t someone be wondering where you are? I mean...surely someone will have noticed you’re gone?”

Harry winced as he remembered that fact. He needed to call Tobias. His family may not care, but they would be highly suspicious if Harry were not there for dinner. As, after all, where the fuck would Harry go? They didn’t realise Harry had a friend. They didn’t even realise Harry had been going out this whole time. They had no clue. But he did need an excuse. “You’re right,” Harry said glumly. He fished his phone out of his bag and quickly dialled his home number. “Good afternoon, Styles residence.” Tobias’s elegant voice answered. “Tobias, it’s me,” Harry said. He glanced over to Louis who gave a nod. “Please listen to me, Tobias. I shan’t be coming home tonight. Not until late anyway. Don’t worry, I am perfectly safe. It’s just I won’t be having dinner. I’m sure you’ll understand that my family will be wondering where I am when I do not turn up. So, would you be able to tell them something? Tell them...tell them I’ve gone on a school trip. To the theatre. I’ve gone to see ‘Hamlet’ at the theatre. Would you be able to do that for me? But please, Tobias. Do not worry. I promise you with everything I have that I am safe.” It took a while for Tobias to answer. Harry could tell the old man was thinking about the plea. But eventually the butler sighed. “Okay, Mr. Styles. I trust you. But please, for me, be safe. And one day, Mr. Styles, I want to know where you are going. And who you are with. It is not my position to interfere with your private life, but I cannot help but worry. You are a smart boy, Mr. Styles. But there is no denying you are a naive one too. I shall do this for you. But just be safe.” The butler hung up before Harry could give a reply.

“It’s okay, right?” Louis asked. Harry smiled, and nodded. “Yeah, it’s fine.”

-

It was seven o’clock now. The boys had been sat inside the barn for a good few hours talking about anything and everything that came to their heads. Louis did most of the talking, as he always did. Harry was fascinated with the stories he had to tell. It was getting darker, and usually by now Louis would be thinking of taking Harry home, but as promised, he stayed with him.

“...And then we went to that petting farm just out of town. Niall was so high! He actually tried to mount a cow and ride it. And Zayn and I stole a lamb! We kept it for a week before the farmer found out we took it!” Louis laughed, finishing off his story. Harry laughed too, whole heartedly. Harry only wished he had the bravery that Louis did. He was so spontaneous. He didn’t seem to care. He would do anything if it meant having a good time. Louis sighed as said, “I remember that lamb, actually. I named it Mini, after my girlfriend at the time,” Louis laughed bitterly; “she was a bitch. Ran off with a mate of mine. The last I ever heard of her she was on her way to Malia. She broke my heart but...I’m over her now. Good thing she cheated on me really. She was a right cow,” Louis laughed again and turned to Harry. “What about you? Got any heartbreaker stories?”

Harry blushed and shook his head, embarrassed at his lack of relationship experience. He’d never had a girlfriend. Not one. In fact he’d never been kissed. No girl had ever shown any interest in him. Or any boy for that matter. They just seemed to stay away from him. They looked at him as if he were the dirt on the bottom of their shoe. No. Harry Styles had never had a relationship of any sort. He’d fancied people, sure. Or rather admired them from a distance. But he never once spoke to them. Or even made eye contact with them. He just liked to watch. But Louis was different...because he didn’t just like to watch Louis. He liked to be with him.

“It’s okay you know. You don’t have to be embarrassed by that. I know loads of people who hadn’t had a proper relationship at your age!” Louis cringed as soon as he said it. He never meant to belittle Harry. He also felt like he’d offended him in some way. After all, Harry was only three years younger. Perhaps it was the fact the boy was in his school uniform that made Louis cringe so much. It felt so wrong to be talking to a boy about relationships when he was in a school uniform.

Harry licked his lips and looked down at his shoes. “It’s not just that,” he mumbled. Louis leant in closer and said, “What do you mean?” Harry laughed bitterly, more at himself for being so pathetic. “I mean I’ve never done anything with anyone. I-I’ve never even kissed someone before....never.” He blushed furiously and turned away from Louis from embarrassment. He felt like such a child in comparison. He felt so small and insignificant.

Louis was blushing too. Realising that when he kissed him on the cheek yesterday it would have been the first time lips had ever touched Harry’s skin. Lips asides from his family’s anyway. Louis took a deep breath, staring at the boy who had turned his back to him. He felt bad for bringing up the subject. He realised now that Harry must have felt so shamed and stupid. So innocent and frigid.

Louis took a step closer and quietly spoke, “Harry.” The younger boy heard and slowly turned around. It pained Louis to see his eyes were watering slightly. Harry was humiliated, and it was all Louis’ fault. Louis took another step forward, all the while keeping his eyes firmly on Harry. He leant his head in slowly so his face was mere inches away. He made sure to look deep into Harry’s eyes, looking for approval. They seemed to glisten. Louis’ hand rose up to gently cup Harry’s soft cheek. “It’s okay,” he whispered, giving a gentle smile. Underneath his fingers he could feel Harry trembling, but the younger boy made no sighs that he wanted whatever was about to happen to stop.

Slowly. Very slowly Louis leant in. Closer and closer until he could feel the heat radiating from Harry’s cheeks on his own skin. Their eyes never left each others. Louis’ were confident, but Harry’s were petrified. But he never pushed Louis away. He just waited. His heart was racing. He held his breath. He knew what was coming. But he couldn’t think. His brain had turned to mush. It couldn’t function. His heart was in control now.

And finally, it happened. Louis’ lips pressed so softly onto Harry’s own. It was light and tender. Louis clearly only doing what made Harry comfortable. Now it was not only Harry that was blushing. It was Louis now too. His cheeks a bright pink as he felt Harry’s lips on his own. They were dry, slightly chapped due to the cold weather. And they felt so inexperienced. But underneath all that, Louis could sense the softness of his lips, and Harry’s dying urge to take things further if only he knew how.

Louis watched as Harry’s eyes fluttered closed. He wanted to smile, but stopped himself because he didn’t want to ruin this moment. This perfectly still moment where his lips were finally connected to the younger boy. When he kissed anyone else it was always violent and desperate. But with Harry it was so delicate. It felt like they had all the time in the world. Like they could stay like this for hours. No need for tongues, no need for heaving fondling. Just soft lips on soft lips. Perfect. Louis allowed his eyes to flutter shut too. Listening to the sound of his heart beat. He gripped Harry’s cheek harder, pushing his lips only slightly more onto Harry’s. He couldn’t ruin this. He couldn’t take it too far. He held the kiss for a moment longer, pressed firm and loving onto Harry’s lips until he pulled away.

Harry was breathless. His lips felt cold as soon as the connection was broken. He opened his eyes to see Louis smiling. Not a smirk like it usually was. But a real smile. Teeth and all. He was happy. Almost tearfully so. “Are you okay?” Louis asked, his voice quiet.

Harry only replied with a grin. A huge grin that spread from ear to ear. His white teeth flashing and his eyes crinkling. He was speechless. But that smile spoke more words to Louis than anything Harry had ever said. Yes, Harry was okay. Harry was more than okay. He was fine. He was happy...he was perfect.