Smile For Him

Harry was still sniffing back the tears as they pulled up to his house a while later. The ride had been silent, with Louis’ knuckles turning white from the way he gripped the steering wheel. There was a terrible atmosphere between the two. Depressing, it could be said. Almost like it was the last time they would see each other.

Louis coughed, breaking the silence between the pair. “So, a-are you...you know. Gonna talk to your sister then? T-try and sort it out?” he tried to sound optimistic, but they both knew nothing good could come from the conversation. Their relationship was as good as over now that Gemma knew.

“There’s nothing to sort out,” Harry pathetically whispered. “I won’t be able to see you again,” he went to climb out of the car, head down, willing to leave Louis behind before it became too painful, but Louis grabbed his arm.

“Hey,” he said quietly, forcing Harry to turn around, “You don’t think I’d let you leave that quick, did you?” Harry blinked in confusion, waiting to hear more. “Harry...you really are quite stupid sometimes. I care about you so much...more that I probably should. So why on earth did you think I was going to let you walk away? I don’t care what your sister has to say, or what your parents have to say. Or what anyone has to say. I like you, and no one can stop me from saying so. Your family might try and stop you seeing me, but don’t think for a second I would give up. I won’t give up, Harry. Do you hear me? No matter what they have to say, or what they do, I’ll be there every minute of the day. They can’t stop us, Harry. They can’t control you. I’ll be here so long as you want me to be. Okay?”

Harry couldn’t control his tears. He already was an emotional wreck, and Louis’ words really were too much to handle. So it was true. Louis wanted him too. He wanted him so much he would risk his life just to hold his hand. Harry was petrified of this in reality. The idea that someone really did care for him that much. He was in too deep. But, this was Louis. He was everything. And he was right. Even if Robin tried to stop this absurd relationship, Harry wouldn’t let him. He had to take a stand. This last week he’d grown from someone who was invisible, to someone who truly believed they were worth something, and that wasn’t going to stop just because one fat man said so.

Their lips smashed together in a goodbye. Desperate and sloppy. Almost like the last goodbye, but inside they both knew they would see one another again. Louis gripped to the boy’s curls and he savoured the last of his pink lips before letting go breathlessly. “Good luck,” he smiled, watching as Harry clambered out of the car, eyes still watering. He gave a simple wave with a small smile before the car raced away. That’s when his smile dropped, and he turned towards his house. Its shadow looming over him like it knew what was coming.

He practically dragged his feet up the path, each moment his shoulders sinking even further. Despite Louis’ confident words he didn’t feel any confidence himself. This was the moment and it was going to be painful. As always the door swung open, and Tobias stood there with a look of concern. “Mr. Styles, I hadn’t realised you’d been away. How nice to know you’ve been enjoying the weather,” he closed the door once Harry had entered and asked with concern, “Are you okay, Mr. Styles?”

“Where’s my sister?” Harry asked, voice cracking as he wiped away the last of his tears. A surprised expression made its way to the butlers face as he explained, “She’s in her room. She arrived home around forty minutes ago.”

“Thank you, Tobias,” Harry replied, continuing to drag his feet as he walked to the stairs. “Don’t disturb us,” he added, as he made his way to his sister’s room.

He stood outside her door, fist ready to knock. He listened for sign of movement but all he could hear was the slight tapping of fingers on a keyboard. With an ache in his chest he gave a brisk knock on the wood. “Come in,” Gemma said, he voice knowing.

Harry walked in, met with a room similar to his own but far more cluttered. Clothes on the floor and make-up littering every surface. “Harry,” she greeted solemnly, removing herself from her desk and indicating for her brother to sit on her bed. He did as he was told, perched on the soft mattress.

“So,” she started, standing in front of him with a serious expression. “Care to do a little explaining?” despite her serious stance her voice was surprisingly calm. Scarily so.

“Um,” Harry choked. Where would he begin? For another minute he continued to stutter, face red and hands trembling. He was back to the old Harry, pathetic and weak. “Maybe we should start from the beginning,” Gemma said, clasping her hands together, “Where the fuck did you meet this guy?”

Harry gulped and stammered, “I-I...He-he was a waiter. A-at Burt’s dinner thing last week. W-we met outside...and...and we just...b-became friends,” he felt sick. He’d never been so nervous about anything in his life. Forget exams and posh dinners. They meant nothing. But Louis...Louis meant everything. And if he said one wrong word Gemma would flip.

Gemma blinked a couple of times, as if remembering, and then nodded. “Oh yeah. I remember him. Kept giving you champagne I seem to remember,” she looked at Harry sceptically before asking, “And how did you become friends? What did he say? What did he do?”

Harry wasn’t quite sure what Gemma was accusing Louis of, but he replied shyly, “He-he picked me up from school on Monday. And we just...we just h-hung out. He’s picked me up every day. P-please Gemma. D-don’t tell Mum and Robin,” at the sight of her snivelling brother Gemma looked slightly taken aback, almost like she was about to crumble. But she carried on.

“And then what? What did he do to you? Did he give you alcohol? Drugs? Did he fuck behind some trees? What? What did he do? He’s a pervert Harry, look at him. How old is he? He must be at least 24,” her words were harsh, but anyone could see she was only worried. And it was odd for Harry. Because he’d never seen her so protective before...of anything.

“N-no. He didn’t do a-anything like that. We just t-talked. We talked. It was nice. P-please Gemma. I’ve never known someone like him before. H-he cares about me. H-he’s only 21 too. He’s not a pervert. Please, Gemma,” the tears were already starting to form again. Harry didn’t think he’d ever cried so much.

“He says he cares,” Gemma scoffed, “but all he wants is one thing. He sees you...a shy, naive school boy and he realises he can manipulate you. It’s sick Harry! Okay? And besides he’s a...he’s a guy. You don’t like guys, Harry! It’s wrong, okay? I mean...you’re straight! You’re not gay! ...a-aren’t you?”

In truth Harry had never really thought about it before. Sure, Louis was a guy but...it’s not like they had that kind of relationship anyway...yet. Nothing sexual had happened apart from kissing, and even then all Harry had ever felt was love. He’d fancied girls, sure. And hadn’t looked at a guy in that way before apart from Louis. So he couldn’t be gay. He just...loved Louis. He didn’t love guys. He loved Louis. Just Louis.

“I’m not gay,” he admitted, “I...I just love him,”

That’s when Gemma exploded, “You don’t love him!” she almost laughed, “Oh my God, Harry. You don’t love him. You’re seventeen years old; you don’t even know what fucking love is. You’ve never had a relationship before. And suddenly some weirdo guy comes along and tells you he cares about you? He doesn’t fucking love you and you don’t fucking love him. Do you understand? He’s a creep, and all he wants is for you to love him so he can fuck you. Okay? All guys want one thing. This creep is not special. He does cute things to charm you, and make you feel like you’re the only person in the world for him. But you fucking wait. You wait until you’re wrapped around his little finger. He’ll use you and then run, and then you’ll be heartbroken. You’re already a mess, Harry. I don’t want you even more of one,”

“Why do you care?” Harry suddenly screamed. He leapt up from his position on the bed and towered over his sister. Neither realised quite how tall he was until this moment. “Why do you actually care about me? All my life you’ve been a fucking cow. You’ve hated me. Now as soon as I’ve found my own friend you decide to take an interest. Well guess what, Gemma? This is my life. It’s my life, and I don’t need you interrogating me. And do you know what Louis said to me just before we said goodbye? He said no matter what happens. No matter if you tell our parents, the school...the whole entire world. He said he’d still see me. He’d still care for me even if you tried to stop us. You know what you are, Gemma? You’re jealous! Because you’ve always been the better one. You’ve always had the friends, and the boyfriends, and you’ve always been Mum and Robin’s favourite. I’ve sat in the shadows and taken the beating. Well, guess what? Not anymore. I have Louis now. And I have his friends. And they care for me more than you ever have and more than you ever will. I’m taking a stand, Gemma. Little Harry Styles has had enough. I don’t care if I embarrass you. I don’t care if you hate me because I love a guy. Because he makes me feel amazing. And he’s not using me. So I don’t care what you have to say. Because I won’t let you take away the most important thing to me like you have done everything else,” he finished, and he was out of breath. His face was red and his voice was hoarse. He’d let go...he’d released every emotion he’d ever felt, and he felt amazing.

Gemma’s eyes were wide. Shock. And shame. She was embarrassed. But not because Harry had shouted at her...but rather because of what Harry had shouted at her. He’d been right. She blinked. And she took a deep breath, and she let it out. Shuddering. “I was never going to tell Mum and Dad,” she said after a while. By now Harry’s face had returned to its normal colour, and both were stood staring at one another. Shocked and confused.

“What?” Harry asked with disbelief.

“I was never going to tell Mum and Dad,” she repeated. She swallowed thickly and explained, “Harry...you’re my little brother. You’re a fucking idiot if you think I would hurt you. Sure, I’m mean. But...Harry, please listen to me. You’re a fucking weirdo. Our Dad left us, and we moved on. But you...you didn’t. You stayed this weird child who refused to interact with anyone. Robin took us in, and look at us. We have this fantastic house, we go to an amazing school, we have so many more privileges than anyone else any you don’t appreciate them, Harry. You just...it’s almost like the world passes you by. You don’t even look up to see what’s around you. You stay in your room and you read your books and you’re all alone. What else could I do? Everyone thought you were weird. Mum was worried about you. Robin thought you were being unappreciative. I’ve been in this house since I was six years old. Robin has looked after us, and I accepted that Dad was never coming back. You didn’t. Do you see why people hate you, Harry? Half of the time I don’t even think you’re quite there in the head. And sometimes...I...I worry that...that we won’t see you at all. That you’ll...do something stupid. Kill yourself or something. Trust me, Harry. It wasn’t easy for me either when Dad left. But he was a bastard and I knew that once Mum met Robin that things would be okay again. But...Harry...despite all that...you’re my brother. You’re a fucking weirdo and sometimes I want to smash you around the face but...why would I ever want to hurt you? Sure, I bully you sometimes. But I’m your big sister, I’m allowed to,” Gemma almost laughs. The atmosphere has gone calm. Harry was blinking in confusion as his older sister released her emotions. “Harry, I don’t care that Louis’ a guy. Most people around here would, because they don’t believe things like that are right. But...Harry. I’m worried about you. You’re so special. You’re so naive and I’m scared that someone is going to use you because you don’t really understand how the world works.”

She finishes and looks away as she bites her lip. Harry had never seen his sister so vulnerable before. He licks his lips and tells her, “Gemma. You don’t have to worry about me, okay? Louis...he cares for me. He really does, Gemma. He means everything to me. Don’t take that away.”

Gemma raises her identical green eyes too Harry’s, and for the first time she sees something in him. Confidence. He believes in himself. His eyes are brighter and he holds himself up so much stronger. He doesn’t hunch like he wants the world to swallow him up. And then she realises that, he’s right. She doesn’t need to worry. “Okay, Harry,” she smiles with tears in her eyes, “Just be careful. Whatever you do. But I trust you. And I’m sorry for being a right bitch to you. I promise I won’t tell. But don’t blame me if people find out...especially if they take it badly.”

“Thank you, Gemma,” Harry smiles too. There’s an awkward silence for half a second, and Harry can’t help himself. He crushes his sister in a hug. It’s the first time he’s hugged her in eleven years, and she holds him tight. And he allows some tears to fall, as does she. It’s strange how the two siblings have been practically strangers to one another. But right here the hate fades away, and they’re toddlers again. Giggling at one another with bouncing curls. And they’re best friends. And they say with their little baby voices, “You’re the best big sister ever!”... “And you’re the best brother ever, Harry. I love you,”

They let go and they’re teenagers again. Practically adults. And they’re so entirely different. But still, despite everything that happens, Harry whispers, “I love you, Sis,” and straight back she whispers, “I love you too, Haz,”

It’s a strange encounter, but it’s over now. Harry moves towards the door, and just as he leaves, Gemma shouts in her normal way, “And if you tell anyone what just happened I’ll fucking kill you!” Harry laughs as he shuts the door. And he’s never felt so amazing. He runs to his room, with a beaming smile on his face and he jumps on his bed, face first. With his head buried in a pillow he screams out in joy, laughing at himself for being so pathetic.

But it’s fine...it’s all fine. And he can see Louis again, and everything is fine. He looks out of his window and in the far distance; right by that barn he sees that navy car. And he laughs again because Louis’ been waiting. Without a second thought he dashes downstairs and out the back door. Past the tennis courts, past the swimming pool. And he’s faced with that hedge and he climbs it in a mere minute. He drops down and legs it to the barn.

He’s sweating, and out of breath, but there’s a smile on his face.

At the sound of another person, Louis turns around. He takes off his sunglasses to see them properly. And there’s Harry, a massive grin on his face, eyes shining. And he grins too. Because everything’s fine.

“Milkshake?” Louis asks, cocking his head.
“Definitely,” Harry agrees, before both getting into the car.