Smile For Him
Chapter Five
Not another word was said for the rest of the journey. Louis didn’t seem bothered though, and made no attempt to talk to Harry over the loud music, and instead just drummed his thumbs on the steering wheel, apparently comfortable in the situation. Harry could feel himself trembling slightly, goose-bumps rising on his arms. He was completely terrified to be in the car. He’d never had a friend. Ever. Only when he was small did his parents push him to talk to the other kids, but he never made much effort. Even from a young age he knew he was unhappy. He preferred to be outside collecting leaves and talking to the ladybirds than being inside with the kids and the parents, where it seemed the entirety of the day involved each parent showing of their child. He knew Bert had learnt the five times table when he was only six. There was nothing to show off about with Harry. He was a strange boy who wasn’t even blood-related to his Father. He barely spoke, and could just about join up his letters when he was ten. If Harry couldn’t – or rather didn’t want to talk to people of his own age, how on earth was he going to manage speaking to an older boy of at least twenty?
That is why he was shaking now. Because he didn’t have anything interesting to say. He felt like a complete child, sat in the car in his school uniform, his homework sat in his bag which was bumping lightly on his ankle. He looked out of the window and knew that he was in the rough part of town. It made his eyes widened as he saw kids his own age in school uniforms kicking footballs down the pavement with their shirt hanging loose and their trainers scuffed up. The girls had far too much foundation on, and very tight blouses which looked ready to burst. Harry knew that Louis was one of these kids once, but looking over at him he couldn’t quite imagine him being as rude and scruffy. He seemed too pretty for that, with his long eyelashes and soft smile. Harry realised he’d been staring for too long, and instantly looked away, a red heat crawling up his neck to his cheeks.
Five minutes later Louis swung into a small car park, or which Harry presumed to be a car park, except that there were no other cars present. All he could see through the car window was a playground which looked far too rusty to be of any use. He couldn’t help but think why Louis had brought him here. A place old and deserted. He blinked out of his thoughts when Louis turn off the engine and got out of the car. Harry followed suit, making sure to place his mobile phone in his trousers pocket in case he needed to make a call of emergency. After all, he really didn’t know anything about Louis...
He followed Louis all the way into the playground, watching as Louis sat himself on the roundabout, making a motion for Harry to join him. Harry gulped, but did as he was told, sitting cross-legged opposite him. Both boys sat for a moment longer, Harry watching the way Louis’ brown hair fluttered in the soft wind. “So,” Louis broke the silence, not even sounding a bit awkward, “how was school, Harry?”Harry didn’t know why, but the way Louis used his name made his heart skip a beat. The way Louis spoke as if they were old friends who simply hadn’t seen each other in a while as opposed to two strangers was something Harry had never experienced before. He cleared his throat before speaking, “It was fine.” Louis raised an eyebrow, “Fine? Really? Is that why you looked like you couldn’t wait to escape?” Harry tried not to show the shock on his face. Nobody was able to read him like that. Not even his Mother. Harry pulled his blazer tighter around himself, “Why do you care?” Louis didn’t even hesitate before saying, “Because I do.” He said it with complete seriousness, but Harry was unhappy, “That’s not an answer.”
“No,” Louis said, in quite a patronising voice, “it’s just not the answer you’re looking for.” Again, Harry had to mask his look of bewilderment. Five minutes they had been speaking and already Louis knew exactly how Harry’s brain worked. Harry looked down at his shoes, “Why did you come today?” Louis let out a sharp laugh and rolled his eyes, “Well, I promised I’d see you again, didn’t I?” Harry dared to look up at his blue eyes, “Was it a promise though?” Louis smirked at the young boy, “Yeah, it was. And don’t try and pretend you didn’t know it was. I saw your smile.” Harry blushed, his mouth opened a little, “I-I didn’t smi-”, “Yes, you did.” Louis interrupted, that smirk still present on his lips. Harry blushed again, all the way to the tips of his ears. He couldn’t bear to look at Louis’ knowing face. It was embarrassing. He felt vulnerable – something he had never felt in his life. Louis just seemed to know everything. He had no problem interrogating Harry about his personal life, but he was not letting on anything about himself. But Harry dared not ask him. Instead, Harry whispered, “What do you want from me?”
“What do I want? From you?” Louis tilted his head up to look at the grey sky, “Nothing really. A decent conversation maybe. A new friend. Is that too much to ask?” Harry licked his lips, thinking over Louis’ answer. He couldn’t decide what he made of the answer. A new friend? Louis wanted to be Harry’s friend? “It’s not too much to ask,” Harry muttered, “I’m just confused as to why you picked me.” Louis sat upright, understanding now that Harry couldn’t just accept an answer for what it was. Harry was damaged. Maybe not in an obvious sense, but it was clear he had no self confidence. He felt useless, unworthy, stupid. “Why wouldn’t I pick you?” Louis said, his eyebrows were knitted together, “I told you before, I like you. You’re just different. Why is that so hard to understand?”
“Because you wouldn’t understand!” Harry cried out suddenly, taking Louis by surprise, “You just turn up and expect me to be your little play thing? I don’t work like that! You don’t understand what it’s like to be me!” Harry breathed and blinked back the tears that threatened to fall. Louis was staring at him, almost shocked at his little outburst. “You’re right,” Louis said softly, “I don’t understand. Not everything anyway. But what I do understand is that you are so broken, it’s actually painful to watch.” It was Harry’s turn to snort with laughter, “Then why are you even bothering? Just take me home and leave me alone. Please.” Louis edged closer to him, “I can’t do that. I may not understand you, but you don’t understand me. I can’t leave now. I’m too involved.” Harry couldn’t dare look at the boy hovering over him, but did manage to mutter, “But what if I want you to leave?” Louis smiled in a sort of sympathetic way, “You don’t want me to leave. I can tell that much. Now, let’s get back to the car. It’s about to rain.” And sure enough, fat raindrops began landing on the pair as the heavens opened. Louis laughed and ran for the car, Harry stumbling after him in confusion. Both collapsed into their seats, Louis still giggling as rain hammered on the window screen. “How is this funny?” Harry asked seriously, his curls now stuck to his face. Louis turned to him, “You don’t laugh a lot, do you Harry?” he didn’t even wait for an answer before saying, “It’s okay, you’ll learn soon enough. Now, where do you live? I’ll take you home.”
Harry frowned and muttered almost childishly, “I don’t want to go home.” He couldn’t believe he said it himself, and would have been embarrassed had Louis not smiled warmly at him. “Harry, I would love to stay with you longer, but it’s getting late. Aren’t your parents worried?” Harry’s eyes grow wide, completely forgetting about the people at home. Louis laughed at his reaction and reversed out of the car park, heading back towards the other side of town.
-
Louis parked up a couple if houses away from Harry’s. Harry had insisted as he didn’t want anyone from his household seeing him exiting the strange car. Harry slumped in his seat. He was rather comfortable now. “Are you sure we can’t go somewhere else?” he whispered. Louis grinned, “Harry, if we could, we would. But I’m sure your parents are waiting.” Harry sighed and picked his bag up from the floor and unbuckled his seatbelt. “Bye, then.” He said, about to open the door. “Hey!” Louis said, cupping the boys cheek and turning his head around to face him, “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He looked deep into his eyes, admiring the sparkling green colour before grinning. “Tomorrow?” Harry repeated in surprise. Louis nodded, his heart warming at the look of joy on Harry’s face. “Bye.” Harry whispered again, this time his cheeks a rosy pink from where Louis had dared touch him. He got out of the car and walked past the other houses to the iron gates. Just as they began to open he sneakily glanced behind him to see Louis’ car rush past. The car horn sounded as a final farewell and Harry had to bite his lip, to stop himself smiling again.
That is why he was shaking now. Because he didn’t have anything interesting to say. He felt like a complete child, sat in the car in his school uniform, his homework sat in his bag which was bumping lightly on his ankle. He looked out of the window and knew that he was in the rough part of town. It made his eyes widened as he saw kids his own age in school uniforms kicking footballs down the pavement with their shirt hanging loose and their trainers scuffed up. The girls had far too much foundation on, and very tight blouses which looked ready to burst. Harry knew that Louis was one of these kids once, but looking over at him he couldn’t quite imagine him being as rude and scruffy. He seemed too pretty for that, with his long eyelashes and soft smile. Harry realised he’d been staring for too long, and instantly looked away, a red heat crawling up his neck to his cheeks.
Five minutes later Louis swung into a small car park, or which Harry presumed to be a car park, except that there were no other cars present. All he could see through the car window was a playground which looked far too rusty to be of any use. He couldn’t help but think why Louis had brought him here. A place old and deserted. He blinked out of his thoughts when Louis turn off the engine and got out of the car. Harry followed suit, making sure to place his mobile phone in his trousers pocket in case he needed to make a call of emergency. After all, he really didn’t know anything about Louis...
He followed Louis all the way into the playground, watching as Louis sat himself on the roundabout, making a motion for Harry to join him. Harry gulped, but did as he was told, sitting cross-legged opposite him. Both boys sat for a moment longer, Harry watching the way Louis’ brown hair fluttered in the soft wind. “So,” Louis broke the silence, not even sounding a bit awkward, “how was school, Harry?”Harry didn’t know why, but the way Louis used his name made his heart skip a beat. The way Louis spoke as if they were old friends who simply hadn’t seen each other in a while as opposed to two strangers was something Harry had never experienced before. He cleared his throat before speaking, “It was fine.” Louis raised an eyebrow, “Fine? Really? Is that why you looked like you couldn’t wait to escape?” Harry tried not to show the shock on his face. Nobody was able to read him like that. Not even his Mother. Harry pulled his blazer tighter around himself, “Why do you care?” Louis didn’t even hesitate before saying, “Because I do.” He said it with complete seriousness, but Harry was unhappy, “That’s not an answer.”
“No,” Louis said, in quite a patronising voice, “it’s just not the answer you’re looking for.” Again, Harry had to mask his look of bewilderment. Five minutes they had been speaking and already Louis knew exactly how Harry’s brain worked. Harry looked down at his shoes, “Why did you come today?” Louis let out a sharp laugh and rolled his eyes, “Well, I promised I’d see you again, didn’t I?” Harry dared to look up at his blue eyes, “Was it a promise though?” Louis smirked at the young boy, “Yeah, it was. And don’t try and pretend you didn’t know it was. I saw your smile.” Harry blushed, his mouth opened a little, “I-I didn’t smi-”, “Yes, you did.” Louis interrupted, that smirk still present on his lips. Harry blushed again, all the way to the tips of his ears. He couldn’t bear to look at Louis’ knowing face. It was embarrassing. He felt vulnerable – something he had never felt in his life. Louis just seemed to know everything. He had no problem interrogating Harry about his personal life, but he was not letting on anything about himself. But Harry dared not ask him. Instead, Harry whispered, “What do you want from me?”
“What do I want? From you?” Louis tilted his head up to look at the grey sky, “Nothing really. A decent conversation maybe. A new friend. Is that too much to ask?” Harry licked his lips, thinking over Louis’ answer. He couldn’t decide what he made of the answer. A new friend? Louis wanted to be Harry’s friend? “It’s not too much to ask,” Harry muttered, “I’m just confused as to why you picked me.” Louis sat upright, understanding now that Harry couldn’t just accept an answer for what it was. Harry was damaged. Maybe not in an obvious sense, but it was clear he had no self confidence. He felt useless, unworthy, stupid. “Why wouldn’t I pick you?” Louis said, his eyebrows were knitted together, “I told you before, I like you. You’re just different. Why is that so hard to understand?”
“Because you wouldn’t understand!” Harry cried out suddenly, taking Louis by surprise, “You just turn up and expect me to be your little play thing? I don’t work like that! You don’t understand what it’s like to be me!” Harry breathed and blinked back the tears that threatened to fall. Louis was staring at him, almost shocked at his little outburst. “You’re right,” Louis said softly, “I don’t understand. Not everything anyway. But what I do understand is that you are so broken, it’s actually painful to watch.” It was Harry’s turn to snort with laughter, “Then why are you even bothering? Just take me home and leave me alone. Please.” Louis edged closer to him, “I can’t do that. I may not understand you, but you don’t understand me. I can’t leave now. I’m too involved.” Harry couldn’t dare look at the boy hovering over him, but did manage to mutter, “But what if I want you to leave?” Louis smiled in a sort of sympathetic way, “You don’t want me to leave. I can tell that much. Now, let’s get back to the car. It’s about to rain.” And sure enough, fat raindrops began landing on the pair as the heavens opened. Louis laughed and ran for the car, Harry stumbling after him in confusion. Both collapsed into their seats, Louis still giggling as rain hammered on the window screen. “How is this funny?” Harry asked seriously, his curls now stuck to his face. Louis turned to him, “You don’t laugh a lot, do you Harry?” he didn’t even wait for an answer before saying, “It’s okay, you’ll learn soon enough. Now, where do you live? I’ll take you home.”
Harry frowned and muttered almost childishly, “I don’t want to go home.” He couldn’t believe he said it himself, and would have been embarrassed had Louis not smiled warmly at him. “Harry, I would love to stay with you longer, but it’s getting late. Aren’t your parents worried?” Harry’s eyes grow wide, completely forgetting about the people at home. Louis laughed at his reaction and reversed out of the car park, heading back towards the other side of town.
-
Louis parked up a couple if houses away from Harry’s. Harry had insisted as he didn’t want anyone from his household seeing him exiting the strange car. Harry slumped in his seat. He was rather comfortable now. “Are you sure we can’t go somewhere else?” he whispered. Louis grinned, “Harry, if we could, we would. But I’m sure your parents are waiting.” Harry sighed and picked his bag up from the floor and unbuckled his seatbelt. “Bye, then.” He said, about to open the door. “Hey!” Louis said, cupping the boys cheek and turning his head around to face him, “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He looked deep into his eyes, admiring the sparkling green colour before grinning. “Tomorrow?” Harry repeated in surprise. Louis nodded, his heart warming at the look of joy on Harry’s face. “Bye.” Harry whispered again, this time his cheeks a rosy pink from where Louis had dared touch him. He got out of the car and walked past the other houses to the iron gates. Just as they began to open he sneakily glanced behind him to see Louis’ car rush past. The car horn sounded as a final farewell and Harry had to bite his lip, to stop himself smiling again.