The Inbetween

“They’ll go mad, Holly,” Nathan tried to reason. Holly stared hard at him. She wasn’t going down – again – without a fight. She had to let Nathan know who had killed her before it was too late. She’d be damned if she had to walk this sad, God-forsaken Earth one more time. “Have you even seen them recently?” he cried, but Holly held her gaze. He would go and see their parents, and he would go tonight. He sighed; “How am I supposed to explain this to them, Holly?”

It was Holly’s turn to sigh. She finally spoke; “You don’t. Don’t tell them about me, because they’ll think you’re crazy. But you have to go Nathan, tonight – just now! Promise me.”

Holly knew it was too much to ask of him, and Nathan knew that she knew this, but as he looked into the not-quite lifeless eyes of his baby sister, he knew he’d cave almost instantly. He gave her a long look, watching her hopeful face as she pleaded him to do the one thing he knew his parents might just hate him for. He rolled his eyes; “Fine.” He pouted, “Not fair, though! You come back for one day and you’ve got me wrapped around your finger.”

“Nathan, thank you,” Holly gushed, swooping forward and pulling him in for a hug, ignoring his statement. It was true; she always could wrap him around her finger, with one little bat of her long eyelashes or a gentle flip of her pretty hair. But this time it was different – this time she wasn’t asking him for a loan of some money, or to cover for her, or to take her to her first concert despite how much he couldn’t stand the Jonas Brothers – she was asking him to finally set her free.

“Right,” he mumbled into her hair after a few moments, “I should get going.”

Fifteen minutes later Siva pulled up in front of Nathan’s parent’s house. Nathan sat still in the passenger seat for a few moments, blowing out a huff of air. “It’ll be alright, kid,” Siva said. Nathan’s mouth turned up to the side slightly – despite now being twenty one, he was still the youngest in the band, and none of the others had ever grown out of calling him ‘kid’ or ‘baby Nath’ from when he had started the band at age seventeen. “I’ll be here waiting on you anyway.” Siva waited for Nathan to smile then glanced outside when he did. “So did she say she’d be here or-? Jesus!” He jumped when Holly appeared right beside Nathan’s window. Nathan smiled at Siva as he opened the car door.

“I’ll be as quick as I can.” Nathan stepped out of the car and walked over to Holly who was looking up at her old house.

“I haven’t been here in so long,” she whispered, letting her head drop to look at the ground. She jumped slightly when she felt the warmth shoot from her fingertips all the way up her arm and soon realised that Nathan had slipped his hand into hers and gave it a slight squeeze. She smiled up at him before taking the first steps forward, pulling him along. She hadn’t missed the time in Siva’s car – seven thirty. She could feel every millisecond of time slipping away; away from Nathan, away from her, away from her chance of setting everything right.

Nathan sensed the urgency from his sister and hurried to catch up with her, ringing the doorbell when he got there. He waited a few seconds before his mum swung the door open, smiling widely at him when she realised who it was; “Hi, mum,” he said slowly, offering her a small smile and stepping inside when his mum ushered him in.

“Nathan, what are you doing here? Oh, it’s so good to see you,” she smiled. Holly stood by the door, watching her mum fuss over her eldest child. It brought a sad smile to her face to know that she’d never get fussed over like that again, and that the last time she was fussed over, she was lying dead and broken in the middle of the street.

“I just… Well I wanted to make sure you guys were okay…” Nathan paused and Holly watched as her mum’s breath caught in her throat before she shook it away and nodded her head, holding the side of Nathan’s face in her hand.

“We’re fine, honey,” she whispered quietly. Holly’s gaze connected with Nathan’s before he looked back at his mum. “How are you?”

“I’m fine…” He took a shaky breath. He was nervous. He didn’t know why – if he could sing in front of thousands of people, surely he could talk to his own mother? But he did know why – he was nervous because he had no idea how his mum would react. He looked at Holly who was watching the scene silently. “I was just wondering if I could talk to you… y’know… about…” he mumbled, and Holly nodded her head in encouragement. He looked up at his mum. Her face was guarded. Eventually she led him through to the kitchen without a word and flicked the kettle on. Nathan and Holly followed their mum and watched as she poured two mugs of tea. She didn’t speak a word, and Nathan took this as a good sign – the last time he’d asked to talk about what had happened it had only been a couple of months and he had been screamed at like he never had been in his life. Ever since then he’d been too afraid to ask.

A few minutes later the three were sitting in the living room; Nathan and Holly right by each others side, across from their mother. Of course, though, their mum couldn’t see her baby girl. “What do you want to know?”

Nathan frowned; he hadn’t expected to get this far with his parents. Now that he had, what the Hell did he say? He gulped and glanced around the room, his eyes landing briefly on Holly’s before he looked back to his mum. “Uh…”

“Ask about the investigation,” Holly said quietly – she knew her mum couldn’t see or hear her, but there was something about speaking quietly that comforted her.

“Yeah, uh, I just wondered if maybe you could tell me what went on with the investigation. It’s just, when I asked before it obviously upset you too much to talk about it, and I’ve been kept in the dark about everything that happened for five years now-”

“I know,” Their mum cut him off, “And that’s not fair on you. But what’s brought all of this on?”

“I went to see her earlier today,” Nathan shrugged, acting nonchalant, “And it got me thinking. I- I went to the café, too…” Holly saw him shudder and knew what he was thinking about. She felt guilty for having to put him through it all again, but had hoped that he’d catch on; a false hope. She leaned her head on his left shoulder and she felt him relax beneath her slightly. Their mother looked startled.

“But you haven’t been there since-”

“Since it happened, I know,” Nathan rushed. “Sorry, I just- I feel like it’s time I found out something about what happened that day, other than some arsehole having a licence when they shouldn’t have,” his stare hardened and he glared at the floor.

“Nathan,” Holly whispered, sensing her brothers anger; “What’s done is done,” she reached up and ghosted her fingers cross his cheek, “You can’t do anything about that. What you can help with though, is solving this, and helping me move on.” Nathan frowned and whipped his head around to face Holly. She quickly pointed to their mother and he looked back at her. She was frowning at him, but leaned forward to put her tea on the coffee table.

“Where should I start?”

Nathan couldn’t decide on what, but as he was thinking he let his thoughts trail back to earlier that day. He ran the events over in his mind, even the painful one of watching his sister getting killed – again – and finally settled on something when the familiar car flashed into his mind. “Who was it that was driving?”

“That’s the only thing I can’t tell you,” his mum sighed, looking broken, “Because we still don’t know.”

“What?!” Nathan shouted angrily. He leaned forward slightly. “How can they still not know after five years?” Nathan was disgusted. His little sister was buried in the ground and had been for five years, and the asshole who – let’s face it – murdered her was still roaming around with a full licence, free to do it again? That didn’t wash with Nathan. Not one little bit.

Holly had stood up and moved to the fireplace when Nathan started shouting. She never had liked loud voices, especially loud and angry voices, but when Nathan didn’t speak for a moment she turned around to face him. As her eyes connected with his she knew that he was determined. There was a fire there that wasn’t there before. She almost sighed in relief; she could count on her brother to fix this mess… but she’d always known she could. There was also something else there that took her a moment to place, and when she did, her heart fell.

She had known. For five years she’d known who had killed her and wasn’t able to do anything about it. And now that she could do something about it she had found herself pushed for time and unable to physically speak about what had happened. Nathan’s heart tore a little more as he connected eyes with her, and he was suddenly set on figuring this out before time was up. He glanced at the clock – he had four hours. He could do this. But the realisation suddenly hit him like a brick to the face; what would happen when he figured it out? For one; what would he do? There was absolutely no doubt in his mind that he’d want to kill if not seriously injure the idiot that caused this, but much more than that, what would happen to Holly? Would she be able to come back? Would he ever see her again? Deep down he knew the answer; probably not.

He was brought back out of his thoughts when Holly nudged his arm and he heard his mother’s voice; “I know it’s not what you came to hear, but-” She cut herself off with a sigh, “Nathan, what are you looking at?”

He shook his head, thinking fast; “There’s a fly…” he mumbled. “Well I’m gonna go; Siva’s waiting outside for me.” He stood up when his mum did and took her in his arms for a tight hug. They stayed like that for a few minutes before he sighed, “I love you mum. I miss you too,” he added.

She kissed her son’s head, tears pricking the back of her eyelids. “I love you and miss you too, so, so much. I’ll see you soon?” she questioned as she walked him to the door.

“Yeah, I’ll come over for dinner at one point soon,” he smiled, “Bye, mum.”

“Bye, mum,” Holly whispered from beside Nathan. Now was a moment where she wanted to cry her eyes out. By the time they reached Siva’s car, their mum had closed and locked her front door, so they could speak freely again. “Nathan, I-”

“What’s going to happen to you if I figure this all out? What actually happens?”

“I don’t know,” she bit her lip, looking into her brothers eyes. “Maybe I’ll move on… Waking up on concrete every day for five years is getting a little old,” she laced humour through her voice; “Maybe I’ll just stay though,” she shrugged, “Who knows?”

Nathan nodded; he believed her when she said she didn’t know. “Okay. Okay, I’ll see you back at the house,” he smiled and jumped in the passenger seat, waving when Siva pulled away.

Holly let out a deep, shaky breath. She’d hoped her mother would be able to tell him, but apparently not. She took a last glance back at her house before turning her back on it – she didn’t want to look in the window like she might have done any other day, because she knew her mum would be crying alone, clutching her cup of tea tightly in her hands. She didn’t want what might be her last glimpse of her parents to be a sad one. She focused her energy then closed her eyes, and when she opened them she was met with Jay toppling over one of the stools in the kitchen, a hand clutching his heart.

“Christ on a mother fucking bike!” he exclaimed, finding his footing and setting the stool upright. He caught his breath; “You have to stop doing that. So how did it go?”

Instead of answering, Holly glanced at the clock; quarter past eight. She sighed and sat on the stool that Jay had toppled over moments before and threw her head into her arms, not speaking, not moving – not even breathing – until Nathan and Siva walked through the front door.