Thanatophobia

Cameron stared at me like I was Big Foot who just stepped out of the woods, with wide eyes and slightly parted lips. Every so often he looked like he was going to say something, but instead he just brushed his hair away from his forehead, only to have it fall right back into place seconds later.

"Well," I announced coldly. "I have a class to skip."

I spun on my heel and started down the hallway, not looking back and instead focusing on my schedule.

"Wait, a class to skip?" Cameron's voice resonated through the empty hall, along with his footsteps behind me.

I rolled my eyes. "Yes," I said monotonously. "I have a class to skip, because I'm not walking in late. First period's almost over anyway."

"I can help you find it. That's what Lucy said, I can show you around in her place," offered Cameron. His tone was almost panicked, like it had been on the cliff.

"I really don't need any more of your help," I said with a glance over my shoulder.

"Aw, what do you mean?" he asked pathetically. His pace quickened so he was walking shoulder to shoulder with me. I moved away, keeping my distance.

I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from saying anything really nasty. "What I mean is I don't need, nor do I want any more of your help," I stated.

"So what are you saying?"

I took a deep breath. "Are you mental or something?" I hissed. "I'm saying that I thought I would never see you again, since I thought I would never see anyone again after I jumped off a cliff. Then, when I woke up in a hospital I realized it was because of you, and I really thought I would never see you again, or at least I hoped it for that matter. The chances of you attending the school that my oblivious parents shipped me off to yet again are so slim, I didn't even consider considering it, Cameron. So what I'm saying is that I want to be alone."

"Sounds like you've given this some thought." There was a slightly sarcastic edge to his voice that irritated me.

"Are you always such a smart ass?" I asked bitterly.

He shrugged. "It works for me. What works for you?"

I heaved an exaggerated sigh. "Suicide," I snapped and caught sight of a girls' bathroom.

"That's not funny," he said solemnly.

"Yeah, well neither are you."

He stared at me with a look of intolerance painted on his face. I cocked my head to the side.

"Well, Cam," I sighed, pretending to be upset that I was leaving him. "I'll be in this bathroom until the bell rings. Don't wait up!"

I started into the linoleum tiled room, but he stopped me, putting his hand on my shoulder. "Wait, what's your name, at least?"

"Fuck off." I told him and shrugged his hand away.

♥♦♣♠

A lot more people attended this school than my old one. See, after my "last incident," as Lloyd liked to refer to it, I was transferred from my old boarding school in Maine to a tiny Catholic school in New Jersey. There were about 50 people in my class, and I made no effort to talk to them at any point. This school was a whole different story.

There were different people in every one of my classes, whereas at my old school we had the same group of people in every class all day long. The hallways were crammed with thousands of students of all shapes, sizes, and hair colors. I was eight levels past surprised when Lucy managed to find me at lunch. I stood by the wall of the open cafeteria, while kids poured in from all directions like a dam breaking. Crossing through the heavy stream of people that weren't even paying attention to anything other than their phones and friends seemed impossible, let alone considerable.

Lucy appeared at my side like she had teleported out of thin air, I was so caught up in the organized chaos around me. She grabbed my arm and pulled me into the crowd, and we shuffled along into the lunch line. They were serving chicken fajitas...needless to say, she steered me away from the line before I could even consider buying that. Instead she handed me a tray with pre-packaged pepperoni pizza on it and we got into line. I was too caught up in all the people rushing past me to even protest.

"I know," she said cheerily, picking at her dark blue nails. "It's kind of phantasmagorical at first. My first year here was crazy."

"Wait... phantasmagorical?" I asked, in a daze while I handed the lunch lady my money. We sat down at a long table in the back of the cafeteria, under an overhang with more tables above it.

Lucy ignored my question and took a seat next to me and introduced me to all her friends- and trust me, there were a ton of them. I didn't get around to remembering all their names and instead just nodded and smiled while I unwrapped my slightly soggy, very greasy pizza.

"So, did Cameron show you around?" Lucy asked eagerly. She said everything eagerly, I noticed.

"Yeah," I lied. "He's nice."

"You guys should go out," said one of the girls across the table. Everyone seemed to be in their own worlds, jumping from conversation to conversation.

"Jen!" Lucy said, sounding scandalized. "They just met today!"

Jen blushed and laughed, covering her mouth with a napkin politely. I tried to smile, but it came out more like a grimace.

"Do you like him?" Lucy asked like she couldn't hold it in any longer. "Like, like him like him?"

I picked the pepperoni off my pizza and set it on the tray. "No," I said truthfully. I had to practically yell to get them to hear me in the roaring cafeteria. "I'm just trying to get through they day." Without killing him.

Lucy laughed and unpacked her bagged lunch. She had carrot sticks, half a ham sandwich on wheat bread, bottled water with one of those Crystal Light packets, and celery. Suddenly the pizza seemed even less appetizing than it had a moment ago, if that was possible.

"Cam's not in this lunch, is he?" I asked cautiously.

"Cam?" Lucy asked with a puzzled look on her face. "Oh, you mean Cameron! He doesn't really go by Cam." I shrugged, not caring even a little bit. "No, he's not. Why? You do like him, don't you!"

I sighed. "Is that all you guys think about?"

She and three other girls at the table blushed, like I said I had found their porn collection instead of making a simple observation. They dropped the subject and started grilling me about my classes, my home life, and my brother. Unfortunately, I didn't have much to say and the conversation started to dwindle.

"Her parents are Lloyd and Sheri Hamilton," Lucy squealed suddenly at the group, and they all started ooh-ing and ahh-ing. I attempted another smile, but the fact that people looked up to my idiot parents was stomach-turning.

Lucy walked with me to throw out my trash and put a hand on my arm. "I'm sorry if this is overwhelming. I promise it'll get better."

I smiled pathetically at her and we sat back down as the bell rang. Everyone in the lunch room got up in an unorganized unison and I stayed sitting.

"Are you coming?" Lucy asked.

"I'm going to look at my schedule and wait for the crowd to thin out..." I muttered.

"You want me to wait up? Need any help?" she offered while her crowd of friends waited behind for her.

I shook my head. "No, thanks. I'll figure it out."

She gave me a pat on the hand and said goodbye before the crowd swallowed her up, and I was alone at my table, studying my schedule.

Only two more hours before I could go home.

♥♦♣♠

The bus dropped me off at the end of the driveway and I sighed heavily, carrying three textbooks and a binder. This was about to be a long walk, and all I wanted to do was sleep.

I started down the driveway and minutes later I heard a rumbling and the sound of tired against the dirt. I looked up and saw Nick driving up in his silver Prius, talking on the phone.

"No," I heard him say into the receiver as he drove closer. He gave me a little wave, but I was still pissed at him. "Okay, I'm sorry...no I didn't know!...well you could have told me that before. God, I feel like such as ass...What?...Okay fine. Whatever, have fun....I'll tell her....Yeah...Okay, how about a heads up next time?...Bye. You too."

He parked the car next to me and unlocked the door, waiting for me to get in. I ignored the growing pain in my arms from the heavy books and glared at him.

"Are you gonna get in?" he asked.

I shrugged.

"Look, I'm sorry for this morning."

"Why?" I asked monotonously, staying rooted in my place on the driveway.

"For calling you a bitch. Sheri never explained anything to me."

"Yeah."

He rubbed his forehead. "If it makes you feel better, my professor kicked me out of class today."

"It doesn't."

"How was school?"

"Sucked."

"I'm sorry."

"Me too."

"You know," he said, staring me down, jaw set like stone, chin raised, back straight in an exaggerated attempt at imitating Lloyd. "You're not making this very easy for me."

He always did this when I was mad at him because I was the only one who understood. I cracked a smile and shook my head.

"You've been working on that look, haven't you?" I asked, sliding into the car and swinging the door shut.

"Since the day I was born," joked Nick.

"It's creepy, dude. You look like an asshole."

He put the car into reverse and started winding down the drive backwards, like a showoff.

"So I've been doing it right!" he smirked.

The awkwardness and anger slightly dissipated, and on our way in I filled Nick in on my hectic day. He laughed when I described Lucy.

"She sounds...interesting," he said, choosing his words carefully.

I shook my head. "More like crazy. But I like her. I can tell she means well..."

Nick said, "She makes you sound sane, Shelby."

I shrugged, starting up the stairs. Looking over my shoulder, my eye caught the mangled pile of plastic on the floor in the foyer. I was so exhausted that I didn't feel like dealing with my broken phone, and instead I crashed onto my bed as soon as I got to my bedroom.