The Way We Were

February 13th: Fashion Week comes to a close.

The final party was at the club again, I had finished this week off staying mostly quiet and behind the scenes. I performed two more times and debuted two songs that no one had ever heard, not even Marilyn. These songs weren't on the record; I called them "Princess Die" and "Let Love Down". Both songs were written and performed on the piano, for Princess Die I wore a long black gown and a veil, with a gold crown with rubies and sapphires on it.

If the song was to be described with one word, it'd be suicidal. And I wrote Let Love Down about myself, so when I performed it live, I performed it in front of a mirror and also surrounded by various reflections of myself.

But back at the party at The Prohibition, I was being overwhelmed and approached by reporters outside and friends inside. They went on and on, reminding me of what went on this week since I honestly couldn't remember; when you're so into the moment things go by so fast you don't even realize it. Everyone else congratulated us on the Versus and the Menswear lines and loved them.

Marilyn ducked out of going to the party, being surrounded by "fakes" and "plastics" as he called them wasn't his thing, I understood so I didn't mind coming alone to the party.

After finally breaking free from tedious conversations, I ordered myself a mojito and when I got it, I found a spot on the side kind of away from the conversations and dancing just to have some alone time.

I sat alone on the sofa and drank my mojito as I checked my phone, just seeing if I missed any calls from Caleb. I didn't. I sighed and went onto Twitter, seeing that I was trending on the site with several tweets about me, a lot of them mixed reviews.

"I love the new Audrey!"

"Is she gonna be the new Britney? Just shave your head already, we don't need to make a big deal out of it."

"She's making a comeback. Love it!"

"So her life has been spiralling out of control, who cares? She just wants attention, since her husband isn't giving her any."

I had read enough and went off Twitter, checking my texts now. I understand that I'm not everyone's cup of tea, but I'm not doing this for attention. This is my way of expressing myself. I tried calling Caleb again and again he didn't answer, so I left a message on his voicemail.

"Hi Caleb, it's me...Audrey. I've been trying to call you, I don't know if your phone is off or you just don't have it or something. Um, today was the last day for Fashion Week. The week was pretty good, and now I'm at the after party, but it's kind of boring...I miss you and wish you were here, and I hope to see you soon. Maybe just let me know where you are, and I'll fly over there or something. Maybe when you're in Cali, we can get together...um, just call me when you get the time. I love you."

After hanging up, I sighed and slid down a bit so I was kinda laying down and closed my eyes for a bit, not realizing that I would fall asleep.

I'm not sure how long I was asleep for, but Nikolas woke me up. I turned to look at him and saw that he was kneeling beside me, the party still going strong. He took my hand. "C'mon."

I yawned and got up with him, walking with him up to the V.I.P area to the private booth in the back. He told me to go in and sit down, and he was gone for a while but soon came back with drinks for us.

I kept quiet as I sat there, sad and tired, sipping my drink. He closed the curtains and made sure there wasn't any opening at all, he then opened a small compartment in the wall, behind the lamp, taking out a small bag.

"So tell me, what's wrong? You've been anti-social most of the night. And you check your phone like your life depends on it." He asked, as he placed a small mirror on the table, preparing his drugs and making lines of white along the mirror.

"Caleb isn't answering my calls." I sighed.

Nikolas took out a hundred dollar bill from his jacket and rolled it up, he looked at me. "Then stop calling him." He snorted each line and rubbed his nose afterward, closing his eyes and taking it in. His lips curved into a slight smile.

He then put a little more cocaine on the mirror, making two tiny mounds. He looked at me with this intensity in his green eyes as he pushed the mirror toward me. He held out the rolled up bill to me, "It'll take away the hurt. Whatever's on your mind now, won't matter later on."

I stared at the bill of money, my heart pounding within my chest. Hesitantly I reached out and took it from him, looking down at the powder on the mirror. I sat there for a long time, thinking and thinking.

"I'll be at the bar." He spoke, getting up and leaving, shutting the curtain as he did when he first came in.

I sat there for a very long time, considering the ups and downs of what this would bring. My eyes were closed as my head rested on the seat. Slowly I lowered my head and opened my eyes only to gasp as I saw my dad sitting across from me.

"What are you doing here?" I asked in a startled way. I watched his eyes as they looked down at the drugs in front of me.

"What's this?" He asked, leaning back into the seat complacently with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Nothing. It's nothing dad, I wasn't-"

"They're drugs and you were honestly considering taking them, weren't you?" He banged his fists on the table.

"No dad, I wasn't, I promise!"

"It's happening, Audrey." He smirked.

"What's happening?" I quietly asked.

"Your worst fear." His expression was hard like a stone.

"What fear? I have no fear!" I screamed, covering my eyes.

"Give it to me, the drugs! You're hiding them!" He yelled as he lunged across the table at me. I screamed and tried to fight back, watching his face morphing into someone else's. I realized that I was seeing myself and they had me by the neck as I fought back.

My eyes shot open and I gasped for air, realizing that I was alone and that is was only a dream. Regardless I was still bothered by it and tried my hardest to keep myself from crying, only allowing a few tears to fall from my eyes. I quickly reached over and grabbed the box that the drugs were in and swept them back in, hiding it behind the lamp where it was.

I wiped away the tears and stumbled out of the booth to meet Nik at the bar. Afraid and shocked of what I had seen in my disturbing dream, I was shaking as I went and sat next to my brother.

"I had the worst dream." I held my face.

He looked at me, not expecting me to say anything like that. He put his hand on my shoulder, "It's okay...it was just a dream, sometimes these things happen...But did you take it?" He asked, an eyebrow raised, he was referring the to drug.

My lips trembled, "Yes." I lied.

"C'mon, let's have a drink. Just relax.." He spoke, turning around and ordering us some shots. Holding up his shot, ready to to toast, he said to me, "If anyone asks, you're just drunk."

I nodded, holding up my glass, still shaken up.

"To the night." He spoke, we bumped our glasses and drank them down.

"Go dance, socialize." He spoke, taking a seat at the bar.

I left the bar and went down to the dance floor, everyone was talking to me, smiling and probably happy that I was out and about again. But I ignored them, I just went out alone onto the dance floor and swayed to the music. I'm sure something else was playing, but in my mind all I heard was Heart-Shaped Glasses. Nervously I moved to the music, glancing back to the booth every now and then, afraid whatever I saw would come out. I was then being surrounded by everyone who joined in on the dancing, I could feel someone's hands hold my waist. I looked down and saw that they were men's hands, and as I looked back I realized that it was one of the male models from the show.

I awkwardly moved his hands from me sides but kept on dancing with him. It seemed like everyone was dancing in sync, but again, maybe that was just me. The model turned me around and faced me, he then lifted my chin and began leaning in about to kiss me but I pushed him back and took a step back.

When I was drunk or even just the slightest tipsy, I tended to talk a little louder than I usually did. "I may be drunk, but I'm not stupid! I'm married and everyone here, including you, should very well know that."

His face went red and he shook his head, turning around and leaving. I stumbled to the bar and ordered another drink, and as I waited I called Hobbs who was my driver for the night. I told him to be waiting for me out front, I wanted to go home.

I took only a few sips of the martini that I ordered and when I turned around, my mind still not where it should've been, I realized that most of the guests were watching me. I began hearing them whisper to each other.

I stood up and walked from the bar going toward the door, hearing their whispers loud and clear.

"It's her husband. He won't even talk to her."

"Look at her, she's a mess"

"Why did she even bother coming out of her apartment? She should've just stayed there."

I was so hurt by their comments and as I looked up at the balcony before leaving, Nikolas sat at the bar, not knowing what to do. He just turned away.

I pushed past the people standing out front and got into the backseat of the car, telling Hobbs to drive as fast as he could. I cried so hard it was silent, I never thought that I could be betrayed like this before, from my own blood.

Hobbs tried to talk to me and console me, but I ignored his words. And when we got to my apartment, I asked him to come up to my place with me, that I needed help bringing things down to the car. I ran upstairs and bumped into Jack as he was opening the door to his apartment. Hobbs followed.

"Audrey, what's wrong?" He asked, holding my arms.

"I can't stay here anymore!" I cried, pulling away from his hold and running up to my apartment, fumbling with the keys to open the door. He followed up the stairs and came in with me.

"What's do you mean you can't stay here? Audrey, what's wrong? Tell me, we can talk about this." He asked, shutting the door and following me as I went into the guest room where my clothes were.

I pulled out a suitcase from under the bed and put it on the bed, grabbing clothes from the racks in the room and from the closet, shoving them in the suitcase.

"I've been betrayed by those I loved most. I can't stay here anymore Jack, I'm leaving." I left the room and went to my bedroom as Hobbs began packing my clothes neatly into the bag. I was grabbing clothes from the dresser drawers, as much as I could, even my shoes. I came back into the room, pulling another bag from under the bed and filling that with clothes. I took my jewellery box and packed that up.

After one bag was packed, I asked Hobbs to take it down to the car for me and wait.

"Leaving? Audrey, c'mon, you can't just up and go like that." Jack sighed.

"Of course I can, and I'm not letting anyone stop me. New York is killing me. This city and everything and everyone in it has such a hold on me. I am on a road to ruin if I don't get out now. This city is tearing apart me and my family, it has even contributed to the failing of my marriage."

"Then where are you going?" He shook his head.

"California. Los Angeles, the complete opposite of this place. I need to start over, I need to fight for my marriage...if I don't, I'll regret it for the rest of my life."

He lowered his eyes and said nothing.

"I love you Jack, you're my best friend and you've been nothing but supportive and amazing to me, even if I've been the one pushing everyone away." I placed my hand on the side of his face. I finished zipping up my bag.

"I'll miss you." He quietly spoke, ready to leave the room.

"I'll miss you too Jackie boy." I replied.

He paused, "No, I mean, I will really miss you." He then softly kissed me, his lips gently pressing against mine. He looked into my eyes and said nothing, he then left the room and soon the apartment.

I touched my lips and went up to the mirror of my vanity and checked my face, wiping up the mascara stains under my eyes and putting on lipstick. I put on my sunglasses and took my bag. I opened the door of my apartment and took one last look at the place before shutting the light off and leaving.

Locking the door, I went downstairs and to the vehicle, asking Hobbs to start driving.

"Where to Miss Cobain?" He asked.

"JFK. I'm going to Los Angeles."