The Way We Were

In a naturally lit room, I sit on a tan leather couch in a psychiatrist's office. I look around and study the room, smoking a cigarette. Pictures of her family on her desk and on the shelves of her bookcase. The books are all on the human psyche and mental health. The walls are painted in a tan shade and there are fresh flowers on the window sill. As I am examining the room, she comes in and takes a seat on an antique chair across from me.

"Good morning Miss Cobain, how are you today?" She asked, taking out her pen and unscrewing the cap and writing something down in her notebook.

"I don't know anymore." I quietly speak, taking another drag of the cigarette.

"What is it you'd like to talk about today?" She asked in a calm almost patronizing tone.

I sigh and remain silent for a long time. Trying to think about what I should say, what I should talk about. Why I'm even here. My thoughts become distracted as I begin listening to the ticking of a clock. Tick, tick, tick. It becomes louder and louder in my head as I shudder and place my hand on my forehead. I sigh again and begin;

"I have this recurring dream...it's where I'm on the red carpet, though I don't know what it's for, but I'm being photographed by the paparazzi, and then I realize that I'm all alone...the flashes of the cameras become so overwhelming I begin to run. I push through the crowd and run until I abruptly stop and all of a sudden I'm standing on the edge of a cliff, and as I look down I see that miles and miles down, there's water rushing and crashing against the rocks. I turn to look behind me and see these faceless people; it's like they're watching me...the next thing I know, I jump. And I'm falling and it feels like it's never ending...even though I see that the end is near, I'm still falling..."

"And then what?" She quietly asked.

I lift my head slowly and look at her. With a tear streaming down my face, I say to her in a whispering voice, "...I wake up..."

She remained silent as she watched me carefully.

I looked out the window and sighed, "Whenever I'm alone, it's then that the emptiness starts to sink in. It's when the darkness of my reality comes creeping into my mind. I hate it. I hate it so much, and yet, I can't let go of it..."



October Sixth

I had just gotten back from London a week ago and I was still pretty jet-lagged from the trip and still running on London time. I finished up my final scenes for My Week With Marilyn and bid farewell to my fellow actors before I came back to New York to prepare for my next film; Factory Girl.

I slept through my 10am alarm and ended up running around my new loft looking for my clothes. I had recently rented this loft and was still in the process of moving in and setting up. The house in Tennessee was built and ready to be lived in, but I thought since Caleb wasn't around, I wouldn't move in until he was back.

I was struggling to pull up my jeans as I also tried to brush my teeth and wash my face. After I managed to get the three done, I was still only wearing a bra, so I rummaged through my suitcase that I failed to unpack and grabbed whatever I could. I grabbed a dress.

"Okay, then I'll wear a dress." I sighed, undoing my jeans and taking them off. I ran up the spiral staircase to my bedroom and grabbed my purse and jean jacket. I ran downstairs again and ran across the loft to the front door, slipping on my old boots. When I was decided that I looked presentable, I ran out the door and down the three flights of stairs until I was outside in the private garage. I started up my Camaro and sped out onto the street to the meeting.

Lighting up a cigarette, I said to myself that "I'm only 20 minutes late," looking at the clock reading 11:21am. I looked ahead and then noticed my left hand; I forgot to put my ring back on after I washed my face. I cursed and shook my head pressing down on the gas a little more.

Finally when I got to the place, paparazzi of course were waiting for me. I smiled and gave a little wave as I ran past them inside the building. I took the elevator up to the sixth floor and ran down the hall, stumbling into the room.

"I'm so sorry!" I panted, shutting the door behind me. The director George sat at the end of the long table while the rest of the cast sat on either side of it.

"Well you're not forgiven!" Jimmy laughed, an old friend of mine, Jimmy Fallon was in the film also.

"That's alright Audrey, please have a seat." George smiled. I thanked him and took a seat next to Guy Pearce, he was set to star as Andy Warhol, Edie's mentor.

"Hi darling." I smiled, leaning in to hug him and kiss his cheek.

"Well, you didn't miss much. I see that you already know Jimmy, and you're sitting with Guy, I'll introduce everyone else to you." George said as he proceeded to introduce the others. I smiled and greeted them, but the last one to be greeted especially caught my attention.

"And this is Jack Huston, he'll be playing the role of Gerard Malanga, Andy's close friend."

My voice was caught within my chest as I studied him. His smile was what I immediately noticed; he had perfectly shaped lips that curved into a mischievous smirk. He was stunning, his looks intrigued me as he was this beautifully handsome man. Dark hair that was a little long and green eyes to contrast. A natural tan, and casual dressing style that he wore with ease.

"Pleased to meet you." I smiled, stuck in a reverie. He smiled, showing his perfect teeth. I blushed and looked away, lightly laughing to myself.

"Do you have your script Audrey, or do you need a copy?" George asked.

"I have mine." I replied, putting my messenger bag on the table, rummaging through it for my script. When I found it, I whipped it out without bothering to think about what was going to fly out with it; everything. My makeup, my hairbrush, my large collections of pens.

I gasped out of mortification. I covered my mouth and started laughing as everyone else joined me.

"I'm so sorry!" I laughed as I stood up, picking up all of my junk. I leaned across the table and reached for my eyeliner that rolled up in front of Jack. As I leaned in front of him, I noticed that he looked at my cleavage, and when he noticed that I noticed, he blushed and started to laugh.

"I'm so sorry." He smiled, handing me my eyeliner. I bit my lip and smirked, sitting back down.

"Okay, is there anything else you have planned Audrey, or can we proceed?" George lightly laughed.

"I think I'm good for now." I smiled.

We then went on to read over our parts and George gave us his thoughts on how we should deliver our lines, but I'd easily get distracted because every once in while when I'd look up, Jack would catch my eye. But anyway, Guy had a dead-on portrayal of Andy, while I was still struggling to figure out the right accent for my character. I tried out different ones on them, but most of my attempts made them laugh.

"It's so hard to talk in that certain accent!" I laughed.

"Well, tonight we're going out for dinner, all of us. Just work on it in the mean time and try it out on us this evening." George replied. "But, our meeting is adjourned. And I'll see all of you tonight at Sardi's, say around seven?"

We all agreed and made our way out of the room. As I left the room, I slowed down as I was looking at myself in my compact. As I was, I saw Jack in the reflection behind me. He smiled and caught up with me.

"I'm sorry about earlier." He spoke in his soft British voice.

I laughed, "That's fine. It happens quite often."

"No, but don't think of me as one of those perverted men. I'm a decent guy." He chuckled.

"You seem decent." I smiled as we both shared the elevator. We both reached for the button and as you could guess, bumped hands. We both lightly laughed and blushed.

"I got it." He spoke, pressing the button for the main floor.

I nodded and cleared my throat, unsure of what to say. So we just stood there in an awkward silence. We'd look at each other and give each other fake smiles until we had started to laugh.

"I'm sorry I'm not being that talkative. Beautiful women make me nervous." He smiled.

I started to laugh, "Oh please, you're using a cheesy pick up line?" I began digging in my bag, looking for my smokes.

"Well then how would you like me to talk to you?" He laughed. The elevator doors opened and we both walked out.

"Like a regular human being. No riddles, no lines. Poetry would be nice though, but just talk to me like you would any person." I smiled, offering him a cigarette, which he took. I placed one of my own between my lips. As we walked outside, I began looking for my lighter, but he took out his and we stopped as we both leaned in to share the flame.

I lifted my eyes and looked into his green ones, but it was quickly ended by the paparazzi calling out my name and taking pictures. I smiled and backed up, "That's my cue to go. See you tonight?"

He smiled and nodded, "Yeah."

"Bye." I smiled, walking to my car. I jumped in and put on my seatbelt. I turn on the engine and drove off back home.

My cell rang, so I answered it.

"Hey Audrey." It was Chanel.

"Hey you, where are you?" I asked.

"In the Upper East Side, at the house. You?"

"I just left from a meeting, for Factory Girl." I replied.

"Oh yeah? How'd that go?" She asked.

"It went really good. Guy Pearce is playing Andy, and Hayden Christensen is in it too. And Jimmy Fallon-"

"I love Jimmy." She laughed.

"Yeah, same here. But there was a certain someone that I found intriguing." I smirked.

"And who would that be?" She chuckled.

"I'm not really sure who he is, but his name is Jack Huston. If I'm not wrong, I think he's Hollywood Royalty." I replied.

"How?"

"You know, the Hustons. Angelica Huston, Morticia from Addams family? And Danny Huston. And John Huston. And Walter Huston, the one that starred with Humphrey Bogart." I smiled.

"Ooh, but you're not thinking?"

"What?" I knew perfectly well what she was asking.

"Is he good-looking?" She giggled.

"I've never been more fascinate by someone's looks before. Well, that much I mean."

"Well describe him!" She laughed.

"Tall, tanned, handsome." I chuckled, "He has dark hair, and green eyes. A stunning face shape. His lips, perfectly shaped. And his arms are sculpted into perfection. I think he could definitely be a Versace model."

She laughed, "Oh c'mon Audrey, Caleb hasn't even been gone a month and you're acting like you did when we were teenagers."

"I'm not saying that I'm going to pursue him, I just find him attractive and that's all. I am, well, wearing an engagement ring." I looked at my bare hand, remembering that I forgot it.

"Okay. But anyway, Daniel is wondering when you two are gonna meet up for the new sketches for Versace."

"Tomorrow. Tell him I'll call him anyway, and we'll go from there." I replied.

"Okay. Well I have to go, I'll talk to you later. Bye." She chuckled.

"Bye." I hung up the phone. I turned on the radio and hummed along to a song, still thinking about Jack.

"Jack Huston, I guess we're both Hollywood's Royalty." I smirked.