Memories Seem to Fade

I took another drag of the cigarette that sat between my fingers. Everything was dark in my house. I wanted absolutely nothing to be light.
My fiancée of 2 years had left me the week before my best friend had...left the world.
I hadn’t seen any of my other best friends for 3 days. Hell, Johnny had gone AWOL, Zacky wasn’t speaking to anyone and Matt wouldn’t stop crying.
Everything was a fucking mess.

It wasn’t that I was upset about Michelle leaving me, I was quite glad to see the back of her. I’m upset that I have to go through the pain of losing someone who may as well have been my brother, on my own.

Death. It’s a funny concept really isn’t it? One day someone is alive and talking to you and pissing you off and dumping Johnny in a pool and the next.... they’re gone.
Well not... gone, their body is still here but they aren’t alive. I should probably not become a philosopher really.

I checked my phone’s rampant acquiring of texts to see if there was anything of importance. One from Zacky that said ”Get the vodka open, I’m walking through your door. Xxx”
No sooner had I reached for the half empty bottle of vodka that was already next to me, than Zacky had walked through the door.
He lay on the sofa next to me and rested his head in my lap. I subconsciously started stroking his hair.

“B.... I’m numb...”
“I know Zee....I know”
“I don’t understand anything any more. Everything sucks.”

I could do nothing but agree with him in the form of a slight grunt.
The next week passed in such a haze. Zacky barely left my side and to be honest, I was glad of the younger mans company. He spent the hours after Jimmy’s funeral crying into my chest. I was too numb to bother with tears again, I’d probably ran out of them to be honest. I just held him as he cried.

“Zack, are you just...sobbing now ‘cos I don’t think my shirt can take much more abuse”
“Oh, I finished crying ages ago. I’m just sniffing you now”
“You’re such a weirdo Zee”

I heard something for the first time in a long time. I heard giggling that then turned into full blown laughter. Zacky’s laughter is the kind of laughter that no matter what mood you’re in, you find yourself laughing along with him.
We sat and laughed for a good twenty minutes. Something neither of us had done since....well months before Jimmy had passed. There was lots of pressure on us as we started to write a new album, matt had got married, I was suppose to have got married and Johnny... well he wanted to grow taller but that never happened; much like my marriage.

“Zack?”

He looked at me with his piercing green eyes that were still slightly red from crying.

“Do you ever feel like things happen for a reason?”
“Depends what they are I suppose”
“Well...I mean Michelle leaving me”
“Well I guess that happened for a reason, ya know. It was obvious she never really loved you and was just jealous of her twin for bagging a rockstar despite being in love with him since a really young age, ya know.”
“Thanks for putting that bluntly dude, much appreciated”

He seemed to fall silent before a little smile cracked his lips. I paused the lighting of another cigarette and he smirked.

“You know who else has been trying to bag himself a sexy rockstar he’s been in love with from a very young age?”

I looked at him, half expecting him to make a joke or say himself.

He did neither.

He kissed me.

I was slightly taken aback but I’m not going to lie, I’ve been waiting for this for quite some time. I had originally wanted to use it as an excuse to get rid of leave Michelle.
I kissed him back and felt him gasp, as if he wasn’t expecting it. His eyes shut immediately and he deepened the kiss. I could feel he’d been longing for this for a while so I just let him get carried away.

It’d been a long time since either of us got so engrossed in something that we forgot everything. Or didn’t notice our best friends had been sat watching us for five whole minutes before clapping.
Had there seriously been that much sexual tension between us? Oops.